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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sick of the school begging

63 replies

Coffee987 · 22/10/2018 21:46

I have four sons, they're all in secondary/sixth form of the same school. Basically every week one of the boys has something they have to 'donate' towards, and none of these things are optional!

What has really pushed me over the edge is that in preparation for the winter ball they all have to sell a full book of raffle tickets and hand them in - this costs £30 a book. My oldest two haven't sold theres (because all our family bought off the younger boys) I've now had a letter off school asking me for the 'donation', in lieu of the tickets not being sold.

Anyone have any experience of this? And how did you deal with it? Ludicrous to think they want £120 from one family....

OP posts:
Original poster
Coffee987 · 22/10/2018 21:48

Additionally the school is now sponsoring another school so some of the money we pay for our kids to go on educational trips etc goes to children at the other school!

OP posts:
BrushTheCatEar · 22/10/2018 21:48

YANBU, sounds expensive

CageyBee · 22/10/2018 21:49

Thank the Tory government.

smackmybitchup · 22/10/2018 21:49

Just refuse - I stopped buying raffle tickets and giving money for stupid reasons not because I couldn’t afford it, but because it’s ludicrous to keep expecting parents to pay for stuff which is of no direct benefit to them.

Just say no and if they ask tell them why!

NoSquirrels · 22/10/2018 21:49

Can’t you just say what you’ve said here - politely, but firmly - that your family has bought/donated £60 via the two youngest and regrettably cannot afford another £60 for the two eldest. That they should consider each bit as having sold £15 each.

They can’t compell a donation. The clue is in the word.

Sugarhunnyicedtea · 22/10/2018 21:49

Is this a private school?

LittleMe03 · 22/10/2018 21:50

I would phone the school and tell them. That is ridiculous. Shouldn't HAVE to sell them all, it should be sell what you can situation. £30 is a lot to expect from one family with only 1 child never mind £120 for 4 children 😡 this would have really annoyed me. YANBU

Snappedandfarted2018 · 22/10/2018 21:52

Our primary school tried to get parents to fill sponsorship forms for doing homework. I certainly wasn’t going round my family and friends with two sponsorship forms and asking for money. Think the response was poor because they never did it again.

Isittimeforbed · 22/10/2018 21:53

YANBU. My school caps the suggested donations of this type at the level of a 2 child family.

RedSkyLastNight · 22/10/2018 21:54

Are you in a very affluent area? We have nothing remotely like that at our school, but there are plenty of families that would balk t a fiver for raffle tickets, never mind thirty quid! If the schools's intake is such that many can pay without noticing then I guess they will ask for more. Still should be optional though.

BertrandRussell · 22/10/2018 22:22

Take it up with the school. Unacceptable and discriminatory. Calling it begging is wrong, though.

AChickenCalledKorma · 22/10/2018 22:31

Reply to the letter: Dear school, as you are aware, I have four children attending St Raffles. I hope you will understand that selling 120 raffle tickets would be a very significant challenge and we are not in a position to donate more than the £60 which our family has already contributed to this social event. Thank you for your understanding.

Original poster
Coffee987 · 22/10/2018 22:31

To answer the questions, it is an affluent area and it isn't about affording it as much as the principle. Its the apparent backlash of not paying for these things - I've been donating to all these things for 6 years!

I know I'm not the only parent that feels this way, but the concern is that it will affect my kids by us not constantly giving money.

OP posts:
NoSquirrels · 22/10/2018 22:33

How do you think it would affect your kids, OP?

Walkingdeadfangirl · 22/10/2018 22:37

I wonder did you pick this school for your children because it had all these wonderful optional extras, like 'winter balls'. Did you ever wonder who paid for them? I bet you wont be saying no to your DC's privilege taking advantage of them all.

Original poster
Coffee987 · 22/10/2018 22:39

My youngest has 6 more years there, so wouldn't want it to become a 'thing' per say.

OP posts:
Original poster
Coffee987 · 22/10/2018 22:41

The raffle for the winter ball is for parents not children. Don't think choosing a good school for my kids is a relevant criticism of my parenting.

I pay for all events/trips for them to attend and these also aren't 'donations'.

OP posts:
whiteroseredrose · 22/10/2018 22:48

My DS's school used to do this - I wonder if it's the same school!

We used to buy a few raffle tickets and then send the rest back.

We were also asked to set up a standing order when DS first went to pay for this sort of thing. At the time I wasn't working so it wasn't an option. Just didn't do it. Same with DD's school. Eventually they stop asking.

Walkingdeadfangirl · 22/10/2018 22:52

Not dissing your parenting, if I had your money I would be buying the best school choice possible. But it does cost money, eg did you think tax payers paid for all the wonderful prizes parents could win at your school raffle during the winter ball? Just a bit Confused at why you would expect other people to pay for your affluent privilege?

NoSquirrels · 22/10/2018 23:31

My youngest has 6 more years there, so wouldn't want it to become a 'thing' per say

But you’ve done your time with the eldest, presumably, and now your youngest 2 have done their bit with the raffle tickets too - it’s fine. Why would it be a ‘thing’? You’re not refusing to contribute or take part AT ALL - you’re just capping your family’s donation. Perfectly reasonable.

BertrandRussell · 22/10/2018 23:49

Why do you think it would affect your kids?

BertrandRussell · 22/10/2018 23:50

This sort of thing is back door selection, and completely unacceptable.

Walkingdeadfangirl · 23/10/2018 01:47

This sort of thing is back door selection, and completely unacceptable
And yet affluent parents are happy to accept it when they are applying for the school. Very endemic & legal around the country. Just seems hypocritical when parents are asked to pay for the privilege they have signed up for!

AChickenCalledKorma · 23/10/2018 11:58

I'm slightly gobsmacked by a winter ball for parents that requires parents to stump up £30 per student before it even happens! Because practically every family will be just paying the £30 themselves and not actually selling the raffle tickets.

Presumably this is a fundraiser and therefore very much not compulsory. Therefore you are completely reasonable to decide how much you want/are able to contribute and stick with that.

tillytrotter1 · 23/10/2018 14:26

Thank the Tory government.

Naive garbage

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