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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Sick of the school begging

63 replies

Coffee987 · 22/10/2018 21:46

I have four sons, they're all in secondary/sixth form of the same school. Basically every week one of the boys has something they have to 'donate' towards, and none of these things are optional!

What has really pushed me over the edge is that in preparation for the winter ball they all have to sell a full book of raffle tickets and hand them in - this costs £30 a book. My oldest two haven't sold theres (because all our family bought off the younger boys) I've now had a letter off school asking me for the 'donation', in lieu of the tickets not being sold.

Anyone have any experience of this? And how did you deal with it? Ludicrous to think they want £120 from one family....

OP posts:
Rebecca36 · 23/10/2018 14:35

Mine left school now but it was the same, always wanting money. My parents used to moan about it back in the day when I was at school too. Seems some things never change.

However I don't think it will affect your kids if you refuse to fork out occasionally. You won't be the only ones!

Original poster
Coffee987 · 23/10/2018 19:21

Not that my original point was about what the Winter ball is for but to explain if parents want to go they have to buy a ticket. The raffle book is just for the raffle at the winter ball....

I didn't buy privilege, my kids are at there local school...

OP posts:
Tomatoesrock · 23/10/2018 19:26

YANBU. It is expensive.

It is the same on my DC non affluent school. 5euro per month towards heating, sponsored walks, spellatons, bake sales, education is far from free, the constant handing out adds up.

Rebecca36 · 23/10/2018 19:27

I for one never thought you did buy privilege, Coffee. Nothing you said gave that impression.

puzzledlady · 23/10/2018 19:31

I don’t know - my daughter is in private school and things like donations are rife - there always seems to be something but we were foretold all of this before we signed her up so we knew about it - some donations are £2 so it’s not so crazy. Maybe it’s the area you’re in? I mean you mentioned they are in state school so it must be that the area is just affluent?

Branleuse · 23/10/2018 19:41

I have to pay far more for my 11 year old now he has started year 7 than I did for my eldest when he was in secondary school. I think schools are really struggling to make ends meet now more than ever. I pay what I can as its not their fault.
If people keep voting tory its only going to get worse

SunnyCoco · 23/10/2018 19:48

Don’t vote Tory

RedSkyLastNight · 23/10/2018 19:51

I think the fact the school even runs a winter ball for parents shows what sort of school it is and what sort of intake it has.

On the plus side, all this fundraising should translate into things for your DC they wouldn't otherwise have - schools without such a well off parent base must be struggling much more!

SunnyCoco · 23/10/2018 19:54

Not really sure who you think should pay for your winter ball tbh! 🤷‍♀️

KindergartenKop · 23/10/2018 19:55

I'd say this is a 4 children problem. £ 120 is a lot to expect, £30 or £60 not so bad for an affluent family.

Jutz · 23/10/2018 20:00

A parents’ winter ball raffle has nothing to do with the government.

Anyway yanbu to be pissed at the cost for 4 Kids and also £30 is a very high figure to make a child sell tickets for.

Whynotnowbaby · 23/10/2018 20:07

People talking about who should pay for the winter ball are missing the point. The ball is ticketed to cover its costs as op has said. This is an additional fundraiser attached to the ball which might be a great idea but should not in a any way be made to feel like a compulsory thing.

BarbarianMum · 23/10/2018 20:23

4 kids were going to be expensive, whichever way you slice it. If you don't want to support the school or the school's charitable efforts, then don't.

Growingboys · 23/10/2018 20:24

You chose to have four kids OP. Did you not expect there to be concomitant costs?

budgiegirl · 23/10/2018 20:34

Basically every week one of the boys has something they have to 'donate' towards, and none of these things are optional!

Of course they’re optional, they can’t force you to donate.

Schools just don’t get sufficiently funded these days. Donate, or don’t, it’s up to you. But a lots of schools do rely on donations just to provide the basics, let alone the extras.

Ohyesiam · 23/10/2018 20:35

Petition the government

Original poster
Coffee987 · 23/10/2018 20:39

To again clarify - you can buy tickets to attend the winter ball. The raffle book was given to all students, the raffle is held at the ball. This isn't a free ball, it is optional and if me and DH were to attend we would buy tickets on top of raffle contributions.

I have four kids who are well looked after, I pay for all there needs, extracurriculars, trips etc.

I just don't see the necessity in paying £120 for raffle tickets. Obviously the raffle tickets aren't the only thing we are asked to pay for. When I am donating money, I like to donate to specific causes that myself and my family are involved in and care about.

Regardless, very proud that my eldest today explained when asked at school why he wasn't buying them - that his younger brothers had and that he was putting his efforts into raising money for charity work he is doing next year. So for the moment I believe the problem has gone until the next 'donation' goes around.

OP posts:
Alienspaceship · 23/10/2018 20:45

It’s only £120 because you have FOUR kids. Anything the school asks for is going to be x4. You can’t just decide it’s unfair because you have FOUR children. After all, it was your decision - as well you know.

iamyourequal · 23/10/2018 20:54

Yanbu. I thought most schools would expect contributions like the to be capped at the second child for things like this. I think the problem is that schools assume children have other sources of funding for tickets/sponsor sheets such as family friends, grandparents, neighbours, other relatives. The reality these days is that it’s usually just parents who pay up, as there are far too many fundraisers. I have had my kids come home with sponsor sheets that don’t even say what they are doing for the money or why it’s required!

BarbarianMum · 23/10/2018 21:03

Do you think school's should cap the benefits the school accrues through fundraising to the first two children too iamyou ? Why shouldnt contributions be proportionate to what you take out?

whiteroseredrose · 23/10/2018 21:05

Seriously just say no. Nothing happens.

Eilaianne · 23/10/2018 21:17

That is a ridiculous amount of expected donations.

You need to say no, and suck up any awkwardness or pushback in the first couple of instances - after that it'll be easier.
There's no way I would (or could) entertain "donating" to that level.

Racecardriver · 23/10/2018 21:34

Oh come on. If you aren’t even paying for their education it is a bit unreasonable to begrudge a couple hundred pounds if you can afford it. The money has to come from somewhere. The most obvious source is you (given that your choice to have children has created the need for funds in the first place). The alternative is that schools are poorly funded by the government (understandable given they are running a deficit and have been forever) and have no way to supplement their income.

MaisyPops · 23/10/2018 21:42

I'm sort of with the OP here.

If you see a modern state school with lots of extras then either it's being turned around so having cash thrown at it or it's got an active PTA probably in a leafy area. If you sign up because of the benefits then it's reasonable to be involved in fundraising or donating.

But, the kids were asked to do some fundraising by selling raffle tickets, they've sold some and raised some money.

If ive read it correctly then the school have then essentially billed the OP for the tickets her family hasn't sold yet. That's not ok.

givemesteel · 23/10/2018 22:41

It’s only £120 because you have FOUR kids. Anything the school asks for is going to be x4. You can’t just decide it’s unfair because you have FOUR children. After all, it was your decision - as well you know.

Yeah, I kind of agree with this tbh, your family is using 2-4 times the resources of the school so if you can afford it and every other parent who can afford it is stumping up then I think you should too.

It sounds like your dc are in a nice state school in a nice area, which is partly doing well because of donations from parents. So I think it's fair to contribute proportionately.

I think it's different when it's a private school as you've already stumped up a massive amount. Fair enough for the PTA to try but it shouldn't be an expectation.