To seek advice relating to ADHD

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Ds1 has just turned 4, he's attending a nursery that is attached to a primary school. We've had parents evening today and it was mentioned about his inability to sit still, to focus on tasks and when he does begin to concentrate how easily distracted he is. This was not put across in a negative way at all, in fact his teacher was really lovely and said being as they are only 7 weeks in to the school year he has plenty of time to work on it before things become a little more structured.

Several times in the last 6 months I have been asked if he has ADHD by different people. I had never considered it before as i honestly, and wrongly, had the stereotype of naughty child in my head, he isn't naughty. I have now looked at the nhs website and he fits with all 9 of the hyperactivity/impulsiveness behaviours listed and 3 of the inattentive.

My MIL says he's fine, just a busy boy. But now I'm not so sure. He could be just a willful 4 year old or there could be more to it.

So finally, WIBU to ask for other people's experiences before i decide to see the doctor?

A lot of doctors don’t like to diagnose ADHD before 5 so there is plenty of time for him to mature. My son was diagnosed recently at 8 but already had an asd diagnosis.

I thought they may not do anything because of his age, he only turned 4 last month. I have no idea what is typical behaviour for his age or not as he's my eldest and whilst at nursery before a lot of it was laughed off as him being excitable and interested, wanting to experience everything all at once.

If he is only just 4 and is still very much in the settling in stage of nursery for now I would try to put it to the back of your mind and take a “watch and wait” approach. A lot of ADHD behaviours are pretty normal in pre school age children hence why it is only diagnosed later generally.

Thank you Sirzy, i shall do that. I'll keep an eye but not let it worry me. He's not suffering for any of it at the moment, so I'll just wait and watch.

In our area, they won’t diagnose before 7. In my son’s class, they thought two children (including my son) might have ADHD. One has sort of grown out of the restlessness/Inattention and doesn’t now have a diagnosis, my son has just been diagnosed.
7 weeks in is still very early, but if they’ve mentioned it to you, they will keep an eye on your son, and it is woth having an ongoing conversation. In the meantime, ask if school can investigate fidget toys (even a piece of Blu-tak can help some children), and a wobble cushion. There are also exercises they can do to help refocus your son’s attention.

Waiting lists for ADHD assessment are ridiculously long. If you think it's likely then there is no harm in asking to be referred for assessment.

I had 3 years of being told my son was just "being a boy" and his behaviour was typical when we were struggling massively at home. He's also our first child as well, and it wasn't until we had our second that we really saw that something was going on with our eldest. His first two years of school were miserable and this led to very low self-confidence.

Are you seeing the hyperactivity and impulsiveness at home? Is it affecting his ability to function at home as well as at school?

Yes we see it at home, because he's only in nursery it's not having a great impact currently. He's struggling to sit with the class during carpet/story time. Always trying to get up, saying he needs the toilet or a drink etc to be able to move around. He is unable to sit still at all at home, he flops around the sofa, when he asks to sit on my lap he literally rolls all over me. There are things that make me think hes just a fidget bum though, i see people saying their children that have ADHD struggle to sleep. He has no problems what so ever in that area, he sleeps a good 11-12 hours at night and has done from around a year old. He just doesn't stop talking and moving from the time he wakes to the time he goes to bed.

He is extremely impulsive and fails to see danger anywhere. This is extremely outing but... at the beginning of summer holidays i forgot to lock my bedroom window, waitong for restrictors to be put on, i heard him shouting and my husband went up to find him stood on the window ledge outside. I can't let him ride a scooter or bike to school, i can't let his hand go because he will run and not stop, he has run in to the road and sees nothing wrong with it, when i explain a car could have run him over he replies with "but they didn't". He is unable to walk anywhere, to the point im constantly having to tell him walk don't run before we even set foot anywhere, he didnt listen to me at all the one day and ended up strangling himself on a fly curtain at my mums house, hes got a scar right around his neck from it. I ask him why he does these things and he looks really sad and says he doesn't know, he promises me he won't do it again but half hour later hes right back to doing it again. He's such a loving, helpful, adorable little boy, i just don't know what is fairly typical behaviour and what isn't.

Have't been on MN for a while but wanted to come back and respond.

My son also had no sense of danger - running away, across roads, running off from school (jumped the fence twice and ran home). It's getting better now as he gets older (and has treatment for ADHD).

My son also had no problems sleeping.

I know w this is an old thread but things haven't changed, so instead of starting a new one i thought I'd go back to this.

So DH and I decided to go with the wait and see approach and nothing has changed. DS1 now in reception and 2 weeks after starting his teacher called me in for a chat. She asked if i had noticed any behaviours that aren't typical or have caused concern. I mentioned about nursery and how hes never been able to sit still, how hes easily distracted and highly impulsive. They asked me to write a list, i have done and they said they see the exact same things there that i do at home. They have stressed he's not naughty and tries so hard but he just cant physically sit still, can't focus on a task, jumps between activities, makes noises he doesn't seem to have control over and is extremely tactile. They are going to observe him for a few more weeks and then call a meeting with me, the Senco and both his teachers (job share). It looks likely that he has ADHD.

I'm so lost, i have no idea what to do in the mean time. I've completely avoided the topic the past 10 days focussing on his birthday and trying to wrap my head around it all.

Do I wait for this meeting and then go to the GP armed with all their concerns, or do i make an appointment now and see what they say?

Any help or advice from anyone would be gratefully recieved.

Get the info from the school first, your SENCO will be able to provide you with an idea of next steps, he'll need a pediatric referral and then to see a specialist. But the process does vary depending on where you are. Otherwise parents on the SEN board may have more advice for you.

A diagnosis of ADHD is a very good thing for a child, I just wondered if maybe you were feeling down about it from the tone of your post. The help and support he'll get (especially as it sounds like his school is on the ball with regards to SEN) will be immensely helpful in the long run - especially as those closest to him learn more about how his brain works and begin to understand him better.

Take it from me: undiagnosed ADHD is awful, you go through life not understanding why you can't do seemingly easy tasks that everybody else manages, being constantly told you are lazy or not trying hard enough when you really are (the word "careless" still makes me shudder, it haunted me for decades).

My nearly 5 year old is in the same boat. This may (I hope) not need saying but ADHD doesn't mean poor behaviour (in fact it can often be the opposite due to people pleasing to avoid the feelings that come with rejection sensitivity) or academic delay. In fact the jumpy brain parts of it really help with complex and creative thinking - fantastic for problem solving and something to be celebrated!

Hope the next steps of the process go ok, OP

My son is 10 and was diagnosed with inattentive type adhd earlier this year. This wasn’t a big surprise to us. The good thing is that the majority of children who have it do grow out if it. There are some great resources on the Helen Arkell centre website - that’s the place we took our son to.

My DS1 has just been diagnosed at 21, I wish it had come sooner but nobody put 2+2 together, not naughty, good sleeper, not as hyper as your DS but major problems with focus and attention and executive function. He'll be writing off the last 5 years and starting again.
Don't feel bad about a DX you get used to it quite quickly ( ds2 has an ASD DX).

@Alittleodd not so much down, more relieved. But i worked for 5 years with adults with ASD many of whom had adhd too, and i know how long and how hard their parenta had to fight for any help. Coming at it from the parent side is so very different.

I do admit I am a little sad, purely because when you get handed that tiny baby you imagine their life and you don't imagine them having to struggle with things. I am hugely grateful to his teachers for being on the ball and picking it up so soon. It means we can start finding the right ways to help him, apparently I've been doing this unknowingly at home since he was about 2. Even though last year I said it had never entered my head till his teacher brought it up, i knew there was something a bit different in the way he was compared to his cousins of the same age.

He is pretty well behaved, no different to any other 5 year old in that respect. He loves to help, and is very loving, affectionate, funny, bright, kind and compassionate.

@fairgroundsnack do they? Everything i have read suggests that they don't grow out of it but it can change as they become adults. Reading the info has made me realise my husband fits much of the criteria except the hyperactivity, but he was extremely hyperactive as a child leading to a permanent exclusion from one school whilst in reception class.

I'll admit growing out of ADHD isn't something I've heard of! Does the prefrontal cortex spontaneously rewire?

I do agree that coming from the parent (and patient!) side is different - I worked with kids with ADHD for years and the majority were what I imagine most people would picture when they hear "ADHD" it was only when I worked with a boy with inatentive type that I had a click moment about what had been going on in my brain all these years (girls are really underdiagnosed anyway so I wonder if that's why nobody else made the connection despite 13 years of school reports saying "bright but she needs to focus" ). Coming at it again with my son is different again. I think I go more down the cheerleader route of "yey, it's so awesome" with it because I have it too.

Your little boy sounds ace and it also sounds like you've got him off to a great start, especially if you've been subconsciously putting strategies into place already.

I subscribe to ADDitude which is an online magazine - quite American centric but there are some brilliant articles, checklists, organisation life hacks (especially concerning school etc) as well as webinars etc. How to ADHD on YouTube is good too - more focused towards adults with ADHD but there are some lovely metaphors in her videos which I've found really helpful in explaining to other people - like my poor DH who doesn't understand how our squirrel brains work sometimes.

I read ADDitude too, very helpful. At Helen Arkell they told me that the percentage of children who have it is much higher than the percentage of adults, and about 3/4 grow out of it... my dad is convinced he had inattentive type as a child but is fine as an adult so hope my son will be thane same.

ADHD nurse here. To get a diagnosis you will need school/SENCO support and evidence so may as well wait for that.
Sounds really likely he will get a diagnosis, which is a great thing, more support and understanding through his education. I work with people diagnosed later and there are a lot of additional problems caused by late diagnosis so this is great. So positive the school have picked up on it too.

As for growing out of it, the jury is out. From my experience people manage to function better, the hyperactivity/impulsivity lessens and this can make the inattentive symptoms more noticeable. But if people have good scaffolding and environmental modifications or have picked a path in life which plays to their strengths then it doesn't always require treatment in adulthood. I wouldn't say it goes away though. I often get people come back after years off treatment whose symptoms have caused impairment due to change in lifestyle or increase in stress.

There are some great things about an ADHD brain. I love my job and we often say we are the only corridor in our MH trust where you can often hear laughter and hilarity from our consult rooms because our clients can be so witty, creative and funny. That's not to minimise the difficulties though.

Look up 'all dogs have ADHD' it's a lovely book for understanding newly diagnosed kids (and adults!)

From personal experience it's much better/easier to get a referral through the school I chased one for ds for years and it wasn't until the school referred him that the ball started to roll so to speak.
It's not a quick diagnosis to get either. Have you considered fidget toys or waited blankets. Also if story time is difficult could your ds have a area where he can fidget /move about that's is still close enough to hear the story. Ds has this for talks reading time ect as it helps. He can listen and learn just not sit still whilst he does so

Thank you, i will definitely have a look at the sites and the book mentioned.

I agree it is really positive that they've picked up on it so soon. I know it will mean he stands a better chance at succeeding and reaching his full potential by getting strategies in place now rather than later. I will be his biggest cheerleader, as i would anyway and for his 2 younger brothers, and i will fight to make sure he gets what ever it is he needs. DS2 is only 14 months younger and, except for copying his big brother, when you look at them side by side you can see the differences so easily.

I am not sure of the advice. I would have advised he'll settle although I always had worries about DS I kept thinking he'll settle he hasn't.
The waiting lists are so long and I am attending preschool with him most days this is his 2nd year.
Ask then to keep a close eye, boys especially take a while to settle.
DS is much more settled but definitely not well as he has sensory overload with outdoor okay time and often bangs his head hard if an aeroplane passes or it is to windy.
Good luck OP.
You're probably right with your instincts, asks them to monitor if no change after Christmas then you need to go down the horrible road of seeking help for your DC.
It is a lonely road.

Very interesting post @Hanraa1. DS just diagnosed at 31, what I'm worried about with him is that he may have unrealistic expectations of medication being a magic pill to fix his life whereas I feel he has a lot of hard work ahead ditching bad habits and forming new good ones...
Also, having filled in observation forms for DS I realise I very probably have ADD too, would explain a lot about my erratic progress through life etc. Would I be able to take medication as a 50 year old woman in good health ( not on any other meds). Would love to think I could actually make good use of my fairly intelligent brain to achieve something useful for the next stage in my life.

Sorry for hijacking OP, your little boy sounds lovely, I wish you both well.

I read your post from the beginning just now and my thoughts were.-
He is already 4 so as old as some reception children so it does seem he is struggling with the sitting still etc. As by around 4 most kids seem to be able to understand about roads and sitting for stories etc.

Both mine have been similar at 4. Dc2 at 4.3yo seems to be getting better re road understanding.
And with dc1 similar to you it was so bad she couldnt scoot or cycle till 4+ due to the roads.
But both were hyper toddlers.
At 7 now dc1 has got a little better and as pp have said it seems more inattentive. As in not following instructions. Impulse control isnt good still.

Imo it's a good thing if they are eldest in the year as it gives an idea of where they should be.

I'll admit growing out of ADHD isn't something I've heard of! Does the prefrontal cortex spontaneously rewire?
It may not be something you heard of but surely you recognise DC from your childhood who had all the flags of ADHD today.
In my class in the 80's there was 2 boys who couldn't read or write after years of primary school, would attack teachers, throw chairs across the room, I was very fond of one little boy his parents were lovely, he is a homeless crack addict now, if he had of got help as a child could his life be different.
When DD was little she dropped her lolly at the shop, he went in in replaced it from his begging tub. I always have a chat and get him a sandwich.
I think lots of adults MH issues stem for lack of attention to neurological issues in childhood.

No one grows out of it, they may develop coping strategies that make it less obvious to others which come at an enormous personal cost. Exhaustion, working 4 times as hard as other people to get the same result. Various studies are suggesting that all sorts of things like depression, anxiety, fibromyalgia can be traced to untreated adhd.

If the drugs suit the person they are life changing. Yes to adults taking them, I know a number of people diagnosed in mid life, you may need to go private though depending on your access to mental health services.

OP sounds like you are doing a brilliant job of scaffolding your boy. But the right treatment and adjustments in place when you and your DH aren’t there will make his life considerably smoother and happier.

The negative impact of try harder, clumsy, forgetful, careless when someone is trying as hard as they can is the worst thing I think. And those come externally and internally.

@Alittleodd Argh. I read your post wrong, I have neuro issues too sorry.
Once on FB a girl ask was anyone around to do her makeup? I read it as is anyone around to do me? I was thinking she's forward
Sometimes I read OP's or newspapers and think shit that was a mad headline then I reread it until it makes sense.