To seek advice relating to ADHD

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Ds1 has just turned 4, he's attending a nursery that is attached to a primary school. We've had parents evening today and it was mentioned about his inability to sit still, to focus on tasks and when he does begin to concentrate how easily distracted he is. This was not put across in a negative way at all, in fact his teacher was really lovely and said being as they are only 7 weeks in to the school year he has plenty of time to work on it before things become a little more structured.

Several times in the last 6 months I have been asked if he has ADHD by different people. I had never considered it before as i honestly, and wrongly, had the stereotype of naughty child in my head, he isn't naughty. I have now looked at the nhs website and he fits with all 9 of the hyperactivity/impulsiveness behaviours listed and 3 of the inattentive.

My MIL says he's fine, just a busy boy. But now I'm not so sure. He could be just a willful 4 year old or there could be more to it.

So finally, WIBU to ask for other people's experiences before i decide to see the doctor?

My Ds was 9 before he was diagnosed.

Unless he is unmanageable I would let him mature . They rarely medicate before 7 so I think at this age give him plenty of time to burn off steam , children with adhd still need consequences and rewards . Boys in particular are generally more active

Diagnosis isn't an immediate door to support but it does help. I'd wait and speak to senco and then ask them for a letter/report to take to gp and ask for a referral to a developmental paediatrician.

I'd also avoid anything that says your child will grow out of it. You can't grow out of adhd anymore than you can grow a missing limb!

What you can do though is learn coping strategies and have medication which helps you manage it and the signs and symptoms be less obvious.

My autistic ds is far better at 15 than he was at 8. He now has what I call his autistic days where it's obvious because he's overloaded. He is and always will be autistic but many days he's able to cope and it's not as obvious (he comes across what you'd describe as a stereotypical geek )

I work as a tutor and some of my students with ADHD find that taking a good quality fish oil supplement is helpful. It doesn't cure it but my observation is that it can reduce the symptoms a little and thus enable them to actually take in information and learn. It doesn't help everyone but it might be worth a try.

Thank you all for replying. I joined a parents support group but had no reaponses at all.

@Awkward1 he's 5 now. My initial post was a year ago, i searched for this thread and decided to keep it all together, if that makes sense.

I know a diagnosis won't immediately open the way for support, but it will help if i have something to back it up. I have given his teachers a list of things i find helps him amd they are exloring other ways too. I will work with them and implement things at home to try to keep things consistent so he's not overwhelmed by all the different rules as he's still so young.

@Starlight456 believe me he still has cosequences and reward! Boys may be more active, but its excessively so at times. He runs back and for across my living room, he can't sit down at a table to eat, I've lost hom on days out because he runs ahead or just wanders off because something else has caught his attention. I don't think at this stage he would need medication anyway, I'm hopeful that behavioural strategies will help. He has a 3 year old brother that is capable of doing all those things i've mentioned as well as being an active little boy. My 18 month old is also able to sit still longer. How long would you suggest i let him mature before seeking help? If after 2 weeks 2 teachers who have only spent 5 days each with him can see a big difference between him and his peers, when some are almost a whole year younger than him, surely the help is needed now not in 5 years time?

Apologies for the typos, I'm on my phone and have fat thumbs

www.nice.org.uk/guidance/ng87/chapter/Recommendations

OP, take some time to read this through (NICE guidelines for recognition and management of ADHD). It will give you some idea of what to expect.

Neither the teacher, SENCO or GP can diagnose, you'll need to ask for referral to a specialist. Moreover, the guidelines indicate there should be a 10 week 'watchful wait' so be prepared for GP to suggest that. ADHD meds can be life changing but also can have some side effects so need to be thought through carefully, and doctors are highly unlikely to prescribe them until after you and DH have done a parenting programme. The parenting programme is not about criticising your parenting, it's about providing you with information and support to parent exceptional children.

Re: the no sense of danger. Few children develop a sense of danger before age 5. www.babycenter.com/404_when-can-my-baby-understand-that-some-objects-are-dangerous_1368455.bc

@wigglybeezer meds are great for a lot of people, not magic though. Hopefully his prescribing team are managing his expectations. ADHD has a strong genetic link, happy for you to give me a DM if you wanted to chat about it so not to hijack the OP.

OP I think it sounds like you have really realistic expectations for support and meds. Like pp said, you will have to jump through a lot of hoops, parenting courses, environmental modifications etc before getting to medication stage. In my experience paediatric ADHD teams are brilliant (once you're finally in) and will help you through finding the right meds and behaviour plans. You are a fab and supportive mum, he will be absolutely fine!

@wigglybeezer - I’ve just started taking ADHD meds at 45. It’s life-changing, in a good way, even though I don’t think I’ve got to the optimum medication/dosage yet.
Definitely worth pursuing in my experience!

Meds weren't a magic bullet for me but they were like having a light switch turned on in my brain, suddenly everything became so much clearer. (The biggest change for me was stopping drinking - booze and ADHD brain are not a good combination in my case!) It can take a while to get medication schedules right (and some people don't get on with them at all) so make sure you keep a close eye on how he progresses although I'm sure you will!

I don’t think there is a perfect age but I think once it starts interrupting schooling , friendships. .

My Ds is now 12, I have had to find ways that work for him, routine break things down into little steps , repeat instructions in the same words.

I also wasn’t suggesting you parent without consequences simply in many ways children with adhd do need parenting in similar ways just under they won’t listen , sit still and are more impulsive. I do find as my son’s mind he struggles with the heat and now, so tend to not give too much foreword planning but it finding ways to address their issues.

I watched the nursery of naughty children last night . There was a child constantly climbed on everything . They discovered she was very sensory. So whilst learning to explore the world in a sensory way they did it in a way that was safer . ( none of the children were naughty just had challenges)

@Starlight he teachers think it will affect his learning. He is unable to sit and focus on a task, he struggles to write his name. Whilst at 5 that may not be a big issue as he moves through the school it can become an issue. Surely by addressing it now I'm helping to avoid being put in those situations where he will struggle? Also if teachers that have never met him before are noticing it within 2 weeks it must be significantly obvious that it will be having an impact on him.

I didn't think you were suggesting i parent without consequences, sorry if it came over that way. I just mean that we have always used reward and consequence, i would never use it as an excuse for poor behaviour. All i want for my son is to be the best person he can be, and that doesn't involve excusing any bad behaviour or poor choices.

You could try asking the school to put adhd strategies in place and see if they help. Schools should be experienced in this .

My son also has Dysgraphia so struggled learning to write and uses a laptop at school.

He would be sat at the front needs refocus , small instant rewards and sensory breaks which might mean he hands out books so he can get up, take the register,

It will be different for your son but it might help

@allfednonedead, have you had any blood pressure issues? I had mine measured at the chemist and it's high normal so I need to work on getting it down, good incentive to adopt a healthier lifestyle ( i sit on my backside eating crisps too much).

Op yes i realised that was a yr ago. But that was my reaction to the first few posts.
So it didn't unfortunately surprise me that he didnt grown out of the behaviour because it was more common in younger children, he was already 4 and probably eldest nearly at nursery. And that 4yo often have very high school expectations on them unfortunately but many manage to sit still, listen and follow instructions.
What do you do when he runs off?
How would he react to reins?

I disagree with the babycenter article. I think most kids know not to touch stuff before 5yo. Also even mine know that but will osten do things either in defiance or impulse so if they really wanted a hot cake etc.
Also locally many many 3yo or under are able to scoot/cycle to the pavement edge and stop. Yes they will have practised this but there are kids that cant be trusted.
Ive noticed with dc2 that it's fine on the way to the park but not the way back. Tiredness making impulsivity worse.

Hopefully senco and school can come up with strategies. And help you get moved forwards on referral.

@Awkward1 we have used reins, and have a little backpack type set for when we go to new places. He loves them and likes to pretend hes a dog. We still can't take a bike or scooter to school, i don't trust him to stop at the roads. It took till May for him to stop when i call his name, and thats walking pretty much every day.

His nursery teach now has ds2 in her class and has said about the massive difference between them.

We are definitely looking at strategies to help him, thank you all for the links. I shall have a read through them tonight

@wigglybeezer you definitely can. I have a friend in her early 50s. Has had a pretty chaotic life unable to function in a "normal" role. Finally realised a couple of years ago it was ADHD all along. Now on medication for it and she is overjoyed at the difference she is experiencing in terms of general functionality. She takes genuine pleasure in things that many people would take for granted like being able to stick to appointments, make plans and follow through with them, even hold down a volunteering job at a charity shop and this time hasn't been politely asked to stop volunteering due to being too scatty. The levels of symptoms you have experienced may not be so severe (she would never have managed to rear a child to adulthood and complete a set of forms about his development for diagnostic purposes pre-medication) but it is worth pursuing a diagnosis. It's not at all unusual for successive generations of the same family to get diagnoses within a few years of each other as each realises that the diagnosis of their older or younger relative might be relevant for themselves.

@Hanraa1 thanks, I may do that. I have a tendency to interrupt conversations IRL too

I can't offer advice in terms of resources because I was dx too long ago, but it doesn't have to be a bad thing. I know not everyone feels the same, but once he is old enough to have his own coping strategies in place, it has advantages, as well as disadvantages

Either way, now you know it's adhd, as well as support, you can get some insights into how his mind works differently, and therefore parent in a way that suits. Rather than bemusedly trying to figure out why he's bouncing off the walls but simultaneously appears to lack the energy to put on his shoes

I'm another that unsurprisingly hasn't grown out of it, it's just with age my coping strategies are better. And my lifestyle/ other skills/ interests mean that usually the difficulties are minimised and the advantages work for me.

I don't personally like meds, it doesn't feel like the real me. But as you appear to have a realistic idea of what they can and can't help with, I'd still say to be open minded to them in the future because many people do find them beneficial.

Sorry if any of that comes across as dismissive of your feelings about it, the struggles he'll face or indeed the parenting difficulties you'll face. Just wanted to give you a bit of hope that it isn't always a bad thing.

I'm reading your thread with real interest. My ds turns 5 this week and has just started in reception. He's always been full of energy and we were glad he was starting school as one of the eldest in his year.

His teacher has already mentioned that he does everything at a million miles an hour and goes from one thing to another all day long. She says he finds it hard to sit still and I can believe her because he's the same at home!

She didn't mention ADHD but the conversation has reawakened worries I already had about whether there's something going on. I have no idea how to tell the difference between typical starting school excitement and something more serious.

He's not at all violent, he is physically adept and has a good grasp of danger. However he hates being slowed down and finds it hard to walk when he can run etc.

I have no idea where this post is going. I just read yours this evening and it touched on something I was already considering. Good luck with your ds. You sound like an awesome mum.

@TrainspottingWelsh thank you, i know once it's all settled i won't see it as anything other than part of who he is, and i know it won't necessarily be a bad thing. Once we have learnt to manage it the best way possible I'm sure it won't even enter my head to feel sad in the slightest. I'm always open to different ways to do things and i won't be closed off to medication if thats what he needs in future. I honestly will do what ever the right thing is for him.

@Jinglesplodge eek, hopefully he is just active and settling in. This has been going on a while and theres so many more things than i have mentioned here, but speak to his teacher and find out all her concerns and ask her outright if she thinks he's just adjusting to school. Good luck!

I'm sure you will op, and I'm sorry if it came across as if I thought otherwise, I was trying to offer light at the end of the tunnel, not judging you because you don't, and might not ever see it as a bonus. It's completely normal to feel sad about it not being what you expected, and the challenges it will raise. It's excellent inside my head but those around me might not always agree!

The one resource I can suggest is possibly looking into horse therapy/ riding for the disabled. I grew up with them at home, but only relatively recently I've found out they're often really helpful for adhd symptoms and coping strategies and it's a less well known, but acknowledged resource/ therapy.

I'm not proposing signing him up for riding lessons, but if you think it's something he might like it's definitely worth looking into the rda, or having a quick google to see how horses can be good for adhd and seeing if you think it would be beneficial for him.

I took no judgement from your post at all. Iguess thats the difficulty with typing, ypu can't always tell the tone.

I shall have a look into the horses. DH used to have a horse as a child, his mum said it was the one thing that always kept his attention. I've got photos of him asleep on her after a competition when he was about 8 . DH seems to tick all the boxes for ADHD too so maybe thats why? His parents horse sadly died the month before DS was born and they can't bring themselves to get another, they'd had him for 20 years, so he's never been around horses. There are a few stables not too far away, and the horses are always at the gates so i may take him to see how he is with them (I'll phone the stables first) and then look into it a bit more.

Quite possibly, it is certainly one area that I've never needed coping strategies, or effort to concentrate. And it's also an area that plays to the strengths of adhd, for me anyway.

It's horrible when you lose one after such a long time, especially so when you're left in the position of also losing what is a huge part of your daily life. But if they've still got horsey friends/ connections it might be another possible avenue. From what I've read, and my own experience, until you get to a more advanced level of riding, it's more about the handling and overall experience of riding that helps, rather than simply learning basics in a formal lesson. I'm not convinced I would have ever managed the latter particularly well, unless I'd been born with the same obsession and no other access to them.

Glad it came across as intended