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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Colleague taking heaps of leave...

72 replies

SnowyMountains · 21/10/2018 20:53

I have a colleague at work who I work closely with, however she is taking loads of leave and it leaves me having to cover.

Her mum has been diagnosed with cancer, however it has been caught early. But my colleague took a whole week off the last month because she started chemo, I just did not see the need for her to take the whole week. I had to cover and do overtime, my own DD was admitted to hospital for 3 nights in the same week due to her uncontrollable epilepsy. But I didn't have the opportunity to take any leave because I had to cover. My DD ended up having to sit in hospital all day by herself (her dad's dead), and only see me at lunch or after work. Whereas my colleague's mum has her dad to do all the running round, her husband is also unemployed so is around.

Anyway since then my colleague has taken numerous days, had long lunches for appointments etc even though her mum's got her dad and I am getting lumbered with all her work! She has got the first two days of next week off and I am getting fed up.

Now I really don't begrudge her taking some time off, but I feel as if she started to take the mick now, from what I understand her mum just needs a few rounds of chemo / radiotherapy.

To top things off said colleague had a massive go at me last week because I had to take a long lunch as my DD had a massive seizure at lunch time and I had to take her to the GP. (my DD flats near where I work, but none of her flatmates were around).

OP posts:

Original poster

SnowyMountains · 21/10/2018 22:01

Peach My dd has not gone two weeks without having a seizure in a year. I am not trying to have a competition between epilepsy and cancer but I am just pointing out that I have also had a rough year.

I know someone who died in their sleep when they had a seizure.

I will try and talk to my manager again. I will refuse to cover which will give them no choice to find cover.

OP posts:

Feefeetrixabelle · 21/10/2018 22:02

Your frustration is being aimed at the wrong person. You have a new manager now. When the member of staff is absent from work and your unable to cover yours and there work then refer it back to the manager. Are you admin based?

MumInTheCity · 21/10/2018 22:02

YABU. I took shitloads of time off work last year when my dad had cancer. His was caught early and treated easily as well - until it then spread to his brain, took over his personality completely and eventually killed him within the year. I'm sure my colleagues had to cover some of my work but I don't regret a single second I spent with my dad in that precious final year. In fact, I wish I'd taken more time off.

Feefeetrixabelle · 21/10/2018 22:03

Anytime your daughter needs you then take time off. Don’t explain to your colleague why just say you have a family emergency and don’t expand on it. She’s not your friend and your not hers. Your just colleagues and you don’t owe each other an explanation

Nicknacky · 21/10/2018 22:04

mum Ditto. My mum for the all clear from lung cancer then died of cancer 10 months later. Work was the least off my worries. I know what you went through

MumInTheCity · 21/10/2018 22:08

Thank you Nicknacky, I'm sorry you had to go through that too. My dads was lung cancer as well, very early stages, only needed surgery, no other treatment. Within 6 months it was back in his brain .

AcrossthePond55 · 21/10/2018 22:08

What Feefee says. Neither of you owes the other an explanation. And it's neither of your 'fault' if management approves leave for either of you. One puts in for leave, management approves or denies it. End of story. Any complaints one of you has about leave and/or cover needs to be taken up with management, and that's what I'd tell her (or anyone) 'having a go' about my approved leave.

bevelino · 21/10/2018 22:10

OP, I am sorry that you have had a rough year but if you read your posts it does look like you resent your colleague for taking time away from work to see her mum who has been diagnosed with cancer. As other posters have remarked your manager should be dealing with the cover issue.

CaMePlaitPas · 21/10/2018 22:10

Yeah... pretty much what @Eryngium said.

Nicknacky · 21/10/2018 22:10

mum It was secondary brain cancer that took my mum. Sounds similar to your dad as mum mum hand lung cancer first.

Nicknacky · 21/10/2018 22:11

My mum! iPad is so unresponsive tonight.

Pinkblanket · 21/10/2018 22:17

I very much regret not being able to take more leave when my dad had cancer, also caught early, he also died 12 months later. Yes my mum was there too, but she doesn't drive and it was hard to get information second hand from them. You need to raise workload issues with your manager, and that only.

SillySallySingsSongs · 21/10/2018 22:17

her mum just needs a few rounds of chemo / radiotherapy

YABU for that comment alone. Disgraceful thing to say.

OhEctoplasmOnIt · 21/10/2018 22:20

Her time off is none of your business, your issue with your manager who isn't managing this situation.

Iggiontheedge · 21/10/2018 22:23

People die from epilepsy, it is a big worry for a parent. I suspect if the situations were reversed, it would still be the OP's colleague who was taking time off. There will always be some people who drop work and others who pick up after everyone. Neither approach is necessarily right or wrong. I didn't take a day off work when my dm had cancer, though I was part time so that helped. Work made me feel bad enough being off after she died.

I would not assume that the mother's husband is incapable of supporting her. Women/daughters have been conditioned for centuries to take on this caring role and the dad may be perfectly capable if given the chance.

Hannnnnnnxo · 21/10/2018 22:24

To be honest, I don’t think this is any of your business. I work in HR - you might not be aware of the full circumstances surrounding her leave, hence why she has been given the time off when you think it’s ridiculous. If you have concerns about an excessive workload, speak to your manager about how you can alleviate it and move forward - don’t mention your colleague as again, her leave isn’t your business.

Cherries101 · 21/10/2018 22:26

Your daughter is an adult, her epilepsy should be managed by her effectively and if it isn’t it’s time for her to see a GP and get further testing. If you are regularly taking time off to help her then she clearly isn’t coping. That’s not your colleague’s fault.

LadyFlumpalot · 21/10/2018 22:26

My mums just passed away from cancer. I had nearly 3 months either off work or working two hours a day so I could spend time with her. Dya know what? Even though it massively upped their workload the rest of my team were more than happy to help out, even when they were all going through their own shit.

Yanbu to be cross, but Yabu to take it out on your colleague. It's up to your manager to provide adequate cover.

asprinklingofsugar · 21/10/2018 22:30

This is is your managers fault but YANBU to feel annoyed that you continually have to pick up the slack because your colleague has taken leave again. I think most posters her would eventually get annoyed at having to do that regardless of the reasons why - it's more pressure, more stress and for very little reward. As a PP said the to-ing and fro-ing can't be helping matters and a plan needs to be created to minimise the disruption this can cause.

On another note, her leave should not be prioritised over yours if you need to take it in an emergency - one person's family crisis should not trump another person's, especially as both mentioned here can be potentially fatal conditions. The amount of leave taken shouldn't be a competition but it is also unfair of your manager to expect you to cover her all the time. He needs to come up with a solution. Also, you've covered for her for weeks now because she's had a family emergency, and when you have one she's angry about helping you out. I would definitely not be happy about that, so I get where you're coming from, and I do think that everyone needs to take turn about when it comes to these sorts of situations if possible, fair's fair, after all. Yes she's no doubt upset and worried about her mum, (as you are about your daughter) but that doesn't give her the right to make a public stink at work about carrying out her duties such as covering for colleagues. It's in particular bad taste that it was directed at you, who has been covering for her all this time despite your own personal circumstances.

Definitely talk to your manager about it and emphasise that she is not the only one dealing with a family member's serious illness, and point out that you have been unable to help with yours as you have been covering her work. Tell your manager that you are struggling with the situation and need him to come up with a solution that allows for both of you to take leave when appropriate without overloading the other with work.

Whilst some of your comments here have been unreasonable (hopefully just thoughtlessly and unintentionally) I understand your frustration. And I'm sure this isn't helped by your own anxieties about your daughter. I hope her condition improves soon

Feefeetrixabelle · 21/10/2018 22:33

@cherries101 epilepsy isn’t like that. It can’t always be managed. I’ve just come through 14 months of ruthless uncontrolled seizures. It took 5 changes of medication to find one that almost works. Nothing I did caused the seizures and nothing I did could stop them. Epilepsy is a much confused illness and there is very little general information on the impact it can have beyond you shake on the ground and maybe shit yourself. I’ve lost friends to it. I know people who have become so ill they’ve lost their children to be placed int he care of others due to it.

There is no doubt that cancer is an illness that rips into families and the colleague is doing the right thing by her family in supporting. Nothing is more clear form this thread by the fact that people are either grateful that they did or wish they’d been around more. Her manager should be stepping up now to ensure the work she misses is either picked up by other colleagues or a temp.

The op has been clumsy in her approach. But her daughters epilepsy is ripping through her family just like the colleagues mothers cancer is. It’s not a race to the bottom as to what hurts more. Both the op and her colleague are hurting because they love their family and want to support them.

PurpleDaisies · 21/10/2018 22:34

Bloody hell cherries, your total lack of knowledge about epilepsy is pretty obvious there.

LimpyLampy · 21/10/2018 22:45

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