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AIBU Or is my partner being insensitive to me?

57 replies

Mummyto52019 · 21/10/2018 19:44

So im currently pregnant and have hyperemesis gravidarum, im being sick alot, so much so that i wet myself when im having a bad sickness episode which is extremely embarrassing for me, ive now started being sick into a bowl in the bathtub next to the loo, so i dont have to go through the embarrassment of wetting myself and having to change my clothes. My partner had ago at me saying i should pretty much either wet myself or pee in the bath and be sick in the toilet so he doesnt have to clean up my sick bowl. Is really upset me as im struggling alot with the sickness and embarrassment of wetting myself and i find the though of peeing in the bath degrading when i can just use the toilet, AIBU? Currently in my bedroom upset yet my partner doesnt see anythibg wrong with what he has said :(

OP posts:

zzzzz · 21/10/2018 20:18

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

HellenaHandbasket · 21/10/2018 20:20

If I were in your shoes, my husband would clean my sick bowl without a second thought, and be doing whatever he could do make me feel better. As I would for him.


Maryann1975 · 21/10/2018 20:21

Dh used to clean up my sick bucket whenever I needed him to do it for me. He also had to clean pretty much the entire front of the car after I fainted and vomited everywhere while out of it. He never complained, I think he just felt lucky he wasn’t sick several times a day for months.

I think he has a lot of preparation to do in order to be ready for parenthood in a few months time. At least your sick is in the bowl, rather than across the car/sofa/carpet/computer/shoes/bags/my hair/trying to think of all the unpleasant places I’ve had to clean dc sick from over the years. Parent hood is really not glamorous!


Creatureofthenight · 21/10/2018 20:24

You poor thing, I bet you’re wiped out.
I think if you can clear up, great, but if you’re not able to then he needs to do it. I hardly think it’s practical for a pregnant woman to be clambering in and out of the bath every time she needs to vomit.


Whitecurrants · 21/10/2018 20:25

I can't believe that anybody thinks he shouldn't help you clean up sometimes. Hope it passes soon Flowers


Italiangreyhound · 21/10/2018 20:27

You poor woman. Do what you want, do what you can.

Your partner is being ridiculous.

Perhaps remind him babies and children are sick too. My son was very sick this week, into a bowl (he is an angel and made it to the bowl), I chucked it down the loo, rinsed it out (into loo) and cleaned with antibacterial wipes. It took me 2 or 3 minutes. Would your partner expect me to tell my son to do it himself!

If you partner is worried by a little bit of sick I would suggest he doesn't come to the birth!


thereallochnessmonster · 21/10/2018 20:27

You poor love. Sounds awful. Might be a bit grim for your h to clear up your sick, but you’re the one being sick several times a day, so he can suck it up. Hope you feel better soon.


IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere · 21/10/2018 20:27

I can not cope with anyone being sick (my kids are all older now so not an issue) and I would vomit if I had to clean out a sick bowl so I'm afraid I'm with your husband. My husband doesn't have the same issues and so he would have been the one to clean up after the kids when they were little - I would do the cuddles and face wiping and he would do the bowl.

I don't understand why you can't clean the bowl yourself?

My mother is 82 and disabled and when she is sick my daughter sits with her/stays with her because I just can't cope. I know it is unreasonable but I can't do it.


Mummyto52019 · 21/10/2018 20:31

@IthinkIsawahairbrushbackthere i do clean my sick bowl but on occasion ive been unable to as ive collapsed afterward due to exhaustion and dehydration, ive been in and out of hosiptal due to the sickness, and been put on iv drips.

OP posts:

Holdingonbarely · 21/10/2018 20:31

That’s what love is isn’t it. It’s not the good times, the fun and laughter, they are obviously great, but they’re easy.
It’s when you’re cleaning up someone’s sick because you love and care for them. Wiping someone’s arse because they’re ill. These are only things you can do for someone you truly love.


Thesmallthings · 21/10/2018 20:35

It's a bloody sick bowl, not a deadly disease.
Your not so dp is being a twat.


Nanny0gg · 21/10/2018 20:40

I know it is unreasonable but I can't do it.

If you'd been on your own you'd have had to get on with it.

The OP's partner is an unsympathetic git.


HobNobcentral · 21/10/2018 20:40

Tell him to grow the fuck up.

What’s he going to do when the baby vomits everywhere???

What antiemetics have you tried?


AnnieAnoniMouse · 21/10/2018 20:42


It sounds utterly hideous. Utterly.

YOU are carrying his baby, it’s making you ill, the very bloody least he can do is clean up when he’s around. He needs to grow the fuck up AND fast!

If you’re up to sitting on the to wee & be sick in a bowl then that’s definitely the easiest option. Why the actual fuck would the lazy bastard prefer you end up covered in pee or vomit when you don’t need to be?

Jesus wept, I hope he has a lot else going for him.


Silvercatowner · 21/10/2018 20:46

You poor person. We all need some help sometimes. I'd love to organise a mumsnet rota to come and hold your hair out of the way and empty your sick bowl when necessary. We all deserve that.


Silvercatowner · 21/10/2018 20:47

Jesus wept, I hope he has a lot else going for him

Oh yes - and this.


WomanFormerlyKnownAsKarateGirl · 21/10/2018 20:47

OP, I can't believe how many people are saying you need to clean up when you're constantly being sick. Flowers I had bad sickness through pregnancy, but not to the level of HG. My husband held my hair back, cleaned the kitchen floor when I projectile vomited and was unable to get to the sink, and always cleaned my sick bowl without my ever having to ask him to do it. It's just what adults do for those they love. Your partner is being a dick, and he seriously needs to grow up before the baby arrives. I really hope the sickness eases for you soon.


Mummyto52019 · 21/10/2018 20:57

@HobNobcentral i was on cyclizine then something with a 'P' for the life of me cant remember what it was called, ive now been put on metoclopramide, no help yet with the sickness sometimes i cant even keep the medication down and im sick straight after taking them :(

OP posts:

adaline · 21/10/2018 20:57

I cannot believe the lack of sympathy here - if I was carrying my partners baby and it was making me so sick I was being hospitalised and put on drips, the least I would bloody expect him to do is rinse a sick bowl occasionally!

It's not like OP is hungover or something - she's pregnant and unwell as a result of that! The least her partner could do is look after her! Jeez, the low standards of some people....


Celebelly · 21/10/2018 21:07

Jeez, the low standards of some people....

Sadly this seems to be the way of things lately on MN I've noticed. A lot of people seem to be in pretty awful and depressing relationships, judging by posts on threads like this. It's very sad (but boy do threads like these make me thankful for my own relationship and partner!).


Allthewaves · 21/10/2018 21:08

Tena lady is your friend. Take it from someone who has extreme bladder weakness. Your probably safer kneeling on the floor - I'd worry about you falling off the toilet faint.


Greatbigterribleshart · 21/10/2018 21:08

I was the same and the sickness tablets made me feel sick because most of them had a weird taste. I ended up on nil by mouth at hospital for days and on a drip. It carried on throughout most of the pregnancy I just learned ways to cope with it. He needs to be more supportive. At this point it will get better. I would ge some of those big puffy pads to put in your knickers because a lot of the time I couldn't get to the bathroom in time before I was sick. It takes a bit of the anxiety away.


Holdingonbarely · 21/10/2018 21:10

What the fuck is he going to do when you’re child projectile vomits?


HobNobcentral · 21/10/2018 21:12

Ask to try Ondansetron, this is the gold standard fo chemo patients. GP don’t like prescribing it as it is more expensive than the others.

I’ve never been pregnant, but I do have gastro issues and have had days where I can’t keep down water, and have ended up in hospital.

They do a version that you stick under your tongue so no worries that it will come back up.

This is the only one that works for me, that and ice lolly’s , the cheap ones that pretty much flavoured water the slow drip drip tends to not affect your stomach too much.

Hope things get better for you.


silkpyjamasallday · 21/10/2018 21:13

OP the people berating you for not dealing with your own sick bowl have obviously never had a HG pregnancy, it's so incredibly tough. My DP didn't hesitate to clean up after me, even when he came in from a 12 hour work day, because he knew I'd spent most of the day on the floor in the bathroom vomiting profusely, so weak I couldn't get up and my knees would feel like they were crumbling. I would vomit at the smell of the neighbours cooking and sometimes wouldn't get to one of my buckets or the loo in time, I'd try and do the main clear up but if you've ever tried cleaning vomit while you are constantly heaving and smells set you off, you will know that it's best to do what you can rather than risk undoing all your work and making yourself sick, DP just did it and didn't make me feel bad about it.

You are carrying this mans baby, he is presumably going to be caring for his child, changing nappies and dealing with all the bodily fluids a baby creates, he really should care enough to take care of you now when you are vulnerable. It's either immaturity or selfishness in his part and whichever it is he needs to snap out of it and quickly.

Flowers I'm so sorry OP, I know how horrible it is, but it's all worth it for the baby at the end

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