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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To not do ‘rounds’ on a night out

48 replies

BabbysYed · 21/10/2018 10:44

I don’t drink alcohol a lot - maybe a couple of times a month and 3 drinks usually my maximum.
Last night was out on a rare dancing night out with friends and they quickly wanted to do rounds. I said I’d get my own because the drinks were v expensive (£9 for a g+t, £10 for a cocktail) and me not drinking much.
I didn’t want one person paying £50 for a round and I didn’t want to pay £50 myself, so I got myself a cocktail and had a couple of mocktails later (£3.50 each)
I felt a bit excluded from the group due to this, but I don’t think I was being unreasonable to buy my own? Another friend who came who also doesn’t really drink, I bought her a g+t at her request as I owed her money for a taxi. She only drank a quarter of it, but still got involved in the rounds despite leaving most drinks bought for her. Another reason why I was reluctant to get involved as I hate wastage like that.
Is it impolite to not ‘do’ rounds ?

OP posts:

Osirus · 21/10/2018 10:46

I never drink alcohol so never do rounds. I buy my own.

megletthesecond · 21/10/2018 10:46

Yanbu.
I've never done rounds. Everyone drinks at different speeds.

formerbabe · 21/10/2018 10:47

I hate doing rounds. I rarely drink and if I do, I drink less than half of what everyone else does. I don't know why it annoys other people...you're not taking anything off them, just paying for yourself.

CarryOnScreamingValenta · 21/10/2018 10:48

Rounds are a pain even if everyone is drinking. I stay out of them if possible.

Gileswithachainsaw · 21/10/2018 10:49

Yanbu. I'm not paying for someone else's double vodka and red bull when I did there witg a lemonade because I don't want to get drunk so limit the alcohol.

Conveniently those drinking double "aren't ready" for the next one even it's their turn so dodge out of paying.

Batmanthedude · 21/10/2018 10:51

Unless it's one on one with someone I never do rounds, far more expensive and ends up with someone not getting there's and others getting more etc.

SheSparkles · 21/10/2018 10:53

YANBU at all. If I’m out with a few people and we’re drinking the same kind of things, ie.NOT cocktails, then we’ll have a kitty, but if one of us wasn’t having alcohol, then there’s never an issue with them getting their own

Bonkerz · 21/10/2018 10:54

When we go out as a group we do a kitty. One person holds the purse and we all put in set amount. Usually the ones not drinking put in less. Works well and slows people down too meaning it doesn't get too messy. We usually have enough to buy chips at end of night too

Glumglowworm · 21/10/2018 10:54

YANBU

You were upfront from the beginning that you would buy your own. It’s only unreasonable if you let others buy for you and then when it’s your turn you decide to only buy your own.

Storm4star · 21/10/2018 10:55

Generally when i’m out in a group we just naturally form smaller groups of 2 or 3 for buying drinks. That way the non drinkers go in together and those who want one or two, then those who will drink more (i’m usually in the latter group!). That way no one feels cheated.

HeronLanyon · 21/10/2018 10:57

I always do rounds but I think it’s fine if someone buys their own if not drinking alcohol or just wanting to just pay for what they’ve drunk and no more. I sometimes end up in group where I earn much more than many so then I take cue from everyone else. If no rounds I tend to get snacks for table on my lonely single order round, if it’s that kind of place. Rarely in situation where we don’t all pay for rounds though . .

HeronLanyon · 21/10/2018 10:57

Sorry op - should have said YANBU at all.

LoniceraJaponica · 21/10/2018 11:01

I don't either. If someone is going up to the bar and offers I just give the money for my drink and they get it for me.

AamdC · 21/10/2018 11:06

Unless you are all drinking the same thing i.never do rounds on a night out myself and another friend drink white wine the others dont drink much alcohol, so ill get a bottle , then she will get a bottle etc just between us .

Rudgie47 · 21/10/2018 11:06

I always just buy for myself in groups.If I'm out with one other person then I don't mind taking it in turns.
Every time I've got involved in rounds in the past it has cost like £70.00 for the night and I end up having about 3 drinks.

Sexnotgender · 21/10/2018 11:06

YANBU. Anyone who has an issue with this is a dick.

Buy your own.

Incidentally £9 for a gin and tonic! Where were you!?

Oldraver · 21/10/2018 11:10

Another non drinker who doesn't like doing rounds.

I also used to go out with a married couple, the woman who used to brag she never had her purse with her, so rounds were me and the DH. That got quite galling quickly

LisaSimpsonsbff · 21/10/2018 11:10

Of course YANBU. I have to say I do prefer doing rounds, just like I prefer splitting the bill at the end of a meal - to me it feels so much more sociable and relaxed. BUT of course if someone else preferred to simply pay for themselves that's absolutely fine, their business, and I wouldn't think or say anything of it.

LisaSimpsonsbff · 21/10/2018 11:11

Ah yes, the couples who think they can get a round between them are a blight!

LethalWhite · 21/10/2018 11:12

I hate the ‘rounds’ culture

Someone I know insists on a kitty for every night out, controls it herself and takes selected friends off to get ‘special’ drinks with everyone else’s money. When you say you don’t want to be in the kitty, it’s like you just punched the family dog.

Terrible behaviour

allthegoodusernameshavegone · 21/10/2018 11:13

We do a kitty system, the driver pays nothing and non alcohol drinkers pay half, however no one is obligated to take part it’s just easier when at the bar in a busy place. YANBU

BruegelTheElder · 21/10/2018 11:16

I usually do rounds because my friends and I all drink more or less the same drink and at the same pace.

If one of our friends said "count me out of the rounds because...", we would just say "fine". Wouldn't be an issue in the slightest and I can't see why anyone would think it is.

Ginseng1 · 21/10/2018 11:19

Yanbu of course but what was the problem doesn't sound like anyone had an issue with it? Why did u buy your friend a drink when she was in the round tho especially as she was leaving them after her. Just give her the money you owed her. I'll go in rounds sometimes if it's 2-3 of us all drinking same thing otherwise we stick to ourselves. Its not a big deal.

SpikyHair · 21/10/2018 11:22

I never do rounds - and fuck splitting the bill!

45redballoons · 21/10/2018 11:24

From the original post it doesn’t sound like anyone had a problem with you staying out of the kitty, but it sounds like some other posters think that. If people don’t want to be involved in rounds for whatever reason they shouldn’t.

Personally I like kitties because you start off putting in a small amount so if there is a big number of people there isn’t a chance some won’t buy a round. It also means if people stop drinking after a couple they don’t need to put money in a second time. What I really like about them though is that you tend to write down what drinks people want so I don’t need to remember, but it’s very likely someone else wants to be the buyer and I never have to go to the bar, hurrah!

But as I say if someone doesn’t want to participate that’s totally cool, they can sort themselves out and if a non-drinker wanted to participate I wouldn’t expect them to put in the same amount.

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