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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To what extent have you compromised?

51 replies

BrightLightsAndSound · 21/10/2018 07:43

Re house buying. We have different tastes and different priorities of what is absolutely necessary to us in a house.

So I just want to get a sense of how it works in other couples - to what extent did you compromise on what you wanted in your house, what points did you compromise on, did you resent it?

OP posts:
PurpleFlower1983 · 21/10/2018 07:46

The house is my domain, he controls the garden. That’s the compromise!

Original poster
BrightLightsAndSound · 21/10/2018 07:47

@PurpleFlower1983
So does that mean you were given free rein to choose the house?

OP posts:
Elllicam · 21/10/2018 07:52

My DH and I generally liked the same houses but had to make some cost compromises. We wouldn’t compromise on size (lots of kids) or place (we knew roughly where we wanted) but we compromised on a smaller garden and near a road. What are your non negotiables?

coffeeagogo · 21/10/2018 07:56

We made a list of our non negotiable items (him: garage, me: south facing garden both: not a main road) and the we shortlisted based on location budget and the usual stuff

I wanted a period home but as they don't tend to have garages I managed to trade-up to staying close to my family

junebirthdaygirl · 21/10/2018 07:58

I wouldn't compromise on having a utility room and a spacious kitchen. My dh wouldn't compromise on having space outside so we don't live too near our neighbours . He wouldn't live in town. I didn't care.
We are moving again to downsize. My dh wants a smaller garden and l want an open plan living area with a smaller sitting room off it. We both hope to get a downstairs bedroom. Getting older!

user450788 · 21/10/2018 08:00

we both had a fairly similar idea of what we wanted and we both knew the place we saw worked for us. The other two times we've bought we've both been in agreement too - despite us buying 3 very different properties! Probably property 2 was a mistake but we both liked it.

speakout · 21/10/2018 08:03

My OH didn't view the house we currently live in.

We had just decided to think about moving and this house came up for sale.
I went to view it alone, totally fell in love with it. Came home, told OH. He couldn't get time off work, but trusted my judgement.
We had a survey done, put in an offer.

The first time OH saw the property was the day we got the keys and moved in.

NonaGrey · 21/10/2018 08:04

I don’t think either of us have ever had to make compromises buying houses tbh.

We make a list of what we must have (location, no of bed rooms etc), what we’d like (eg a utility, separate dining room or whatever) and our budget. Then we look about until
w e find something in the right area, within budget that ticks the most boxes.

Perhaps our taste is just similar.

ElspethFlashman · 21/10/2018 08:04

I was prepared to compromise on most things except the distance to work. No more than half hour's commute. Actual area I was happy to be flexible about within that circle.

Oh and I 100% wanted a utility room.

But that was all really.

His must have was the general setting and the garden.

We managed to find one that ticked those boxes.

So my advice is pick two/three must haves each, and both compromise on the rest.

donquixotedelamancha · 21/10/2018 08:10

We sat down and carefully discussed our conflicting desires, reached a compromise agreement, then bought the exact house DW wanted anyway.

I find this happens a lot.

Awrite · 21/10/2018 08:15

We both compromised for the right house.

We got size and location over period features and south facing back garden.

Prior to that, I guess we both had the power of veto. We spent 6 months in rental in-between properties so we took our time.

speakout · 21/10/2018 08:17

OH and I have the same needs in a house- so really don't need to compromise.

ShalomJackie · 21/10/2018 08:20

The problem would be if one likes period properties and one likes new build because I suspect you have to go with one or the other otherwise you both hate it.

I like Phil and Kirstie's view of happy wife = happy life.
We have generally agreed though and then I get free rein of decorating because he doesn't really know what he wants and when I do something that he thinks he might not like he always has liked the end result (his words and his admission that he has no vision)>

speakout · 21/10/2018 08:23

I like Phil and Kirstie's view of happy wife = happy life.

This is my OH's approach.

User0ne · 21/10/2018 08:26

We both made a list of what we wanted; there were a lot harder of overlaps.
Then we looked at the rest of the stuff, decided what was non-negotiable and went from there

FusionChefGeoff · 21/10/2018 08:28

It's much easier to compromise on things that can (with time and budget!) be changed!

FusionChefGeoff · 21/10/2018 08:29

Sorry too soon.

So layout can be moved - downstairs toilets, larger / smaller rooms / extensions if space permits etc.

Location / aspect definitely can't be!

Escolar · 21/10/2018 08:31

I thought this would be harder than it is because I'm a city girl and he wanted something rural. But in the end we viewed the house and both fell in love with it. So I have compromised in the sense that it was closer to what he wanted, but it doesn't feel like a compromise because I love it too.

Idontbelieveinthemoon · 21/10/2018 08:34

I think DH compromised more than I did on our house; he wanted to be nearer to MIL and I wanted countryside. He wanted small and old, I wanted a huge garden and lovely local schools.

It's as though I chose our house for our future family, he was looking for one that would have suited us there and then, but 10 years on would have been entirely impractical. If he had to choose again now I think he'd probably choose our exact house; he loves it as much as I do, it's just taken him longer to fall in love with it.

beingsunny · 21/10/2018 08:37

 my OH has a requirement that we have parking that can fit the 'camping car' which is HUGE! We live in a built up area with lots of apartments and underground parking, the car is so tall it doesn't go into the Westfield car park 
Other than that he's happy for me to make all the decisions

Ilovecookiedough · 21/10/2018 08:37

We found a beautiful house that was huge, it was so so nice had lots of character. I was such a fussy arse and didn't really "love" anything we viewed but this one I did. My husband rejected it because it had no drive (had a huge wide pavement everyone parked on) and was on a main road. He always said no main road and had to have parking, ideally a drive. I wanted a south/west facing garden, a bath, decent size overall and a nice kitchen.

We have a drive, not on a main road, no bath, south facing garden TERRIBLE kitchen, no lovely character features. We are having a bath fitted and kitchen done but it's too small, it's not a forever home so we won't extend. I compromised a lot.

We did buy in the right area for schools though that was non negotiable for both of us. I still drive past the other house and wish we'd bought it!!! It was 30 seconds walk from the school we want to send our kids too grrr.

CountFosco · 21/10/2018 08:41

We have similar taste and realistic expectations of what we can handle. And enough money to buy what we wanted without much compromise required.

Furrydogmum · 21/10/2018 08:43

My husband didn't want to move so refused to view the house I wanted.. He did sign on the dotted line when it came to the mortgage and thinks it's the best house we've had now 😊 I have compromised on improvements over the years though..

Biancadelriosback · 21/10/2018 08:44

Me- the stairs had to be in a hallway, not the lounge. It had to be 3 bed. It had to have a front and back garden.
Him- it had to have a downstairs loo. Had to have a dining room. Had to have off street parking and a back garden.
Location wise we were only looking at one very specific area. Neither of us compromised really! Found a house that did it all!

cocoallure · 21/10/2018 08:51

I had to compromise on location, I was determined I wanted walking distance of town. We went out of town for DH commute as it made it so much easier. My no negotiable was a utility, study and en-suite. We agreed on everything but location, I haven't told him yet but I bloody love being out of town now, it so quiet, we have a farm for neighbours, I love it so despite my reservations we 100% made the right decision despite my foot stamping 😂