Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Flip

1 2 3

Original poster

To what extent have you compromised?

51 replies

BrightLightsAndSound · 21/10/2018 07:43

Re house buying. We have different tastes and different priorities of what is absolutely necessary to us in a house.

So I just want to get a sense of how it works in other couples - to what extent did you compromise on what you wanted in your house, what points did you compromise on, did you resent it?

OP posts:

TooOooOnaStubbs · 21/10/2018 09:00

We had to move because of work relocation and were given 10 days special leave to house hunt. We both drew up a list of the 10 main things we wanted (quite a lot of overlap tbh). We bought the house that ticked the most boxes.

costacoffeecup · 21/10/2018 09:07

My partner wanted a four bed detached with a garage. We ended up with a 5 bed (at a push) Victorian semi with no parking and a north facing garden. It's got lovely fireplaces though! By the time we went for this one we'd sold ours so we were under pressure and I just loved it so he said let's just go for it. We did view a house exactly to the specs he wanted (newish build) but it only had one bathroom/toilet and we had got sick of only having one.

corythatwas · 21/10/2018 09:55

Our budget seems to have been tighter than the previous posters on the thread, we had less time to look in (a single bank holiday weekend when I was in the country), and there were external restrictions as we had no car and no money to commute so had to be within easy access of shops and public transport.

The house we ended up with was one we never thought to buy as we'd been told the owners were about to accept an offer elsewhere, so never really looked at it that closely.

There was one other house we both liked better but agreed it was too risky as there were signs the owners weren't going to be ready to move out, also signs that they had tried to cover things up, like hastily painting over mould. We felt that with the house we went for (rented out to students who'd left 3 months earlier without even emptying the bins) at least there wouldn't be any cover-ups.

Sorry, this doesn't really answer your question, OP. I just felt that like a lot in our lives, the parameters have been so tight that individual preference and who gets what they want hasn't been a big factor.
The one thing I do resent is that I didn't get to plant a wisteria out front: he got his way and got a quince. He had some silly idea that a wisteria would bring the house down. Grrrr…. (though I hear that you can grow wisterias in a tub...sorry dh...)

thecatsabsentcojones · 21/10/2018 10:03

I remember seeing our house on Facebook before putting our old one on the market. It's a sixties architect designed house and was very dilapidated but so cool. My husband had rejected doing any more projects but he saw the potential too. That was good because I wasn't going to compromise, it had my name on it! Must be so awful when one partner falls in love with somewhere and can't budge the other one.

MrsStrowman · 21/10/2018 10:06

We both like older houses with some character so that was fine. I would've been happy to live more rurally but having experienced that when his parents moved to a tiny village DH was very anti, so we live somewhere nice close to the sea (my preference) but near to a big town and very well connected in terms of transport.

Witchend · 21/10/2018 10:08

We moved at a bad time. It was the only house of the size we wanted, in the place we wanted at a price we could afford that came up in 6 months. Wasn't really a choice, but we were both happy with it.

MoaningSickness · 21/10/2018 10:10

Put it this way... If my DH got hit by a bus tomorrow, I'd move house.

We have a house that hits most of the practical boxes, is good for our children etc, but I never would have chosen it in a million years. It brings me no joy.

But a house isn't everything, and I'd rather have my amazing family in this house than be without them in a palace.

MsAwesomeDragon · 21/10/2018 10:11

We compromised a lot because our budget was quite small.

My non negotiable was catchment area for good schools. His non negotiable was near a bus route (that he doesn't use because he walks everywhere). We also needed 3 bedrooms.

So we've got an ex council house on a relatively busy road, because that's what we could afford. We could have had a newer house for the same budget but they were all much smaller rooms with less storage. We even had to compromise with the kitchen, as it had been designed and built by the previous owners without space for a washing machine!!!! The washing machine was in a shed out the back. I stuck with that for 6 years til we'd saved enough to redo the kitchen so we could fit a washing machine in, and we put a dishwasher in at the same time.

MereDintofPandiculation · 21/10/2018 10:14

We moved 200miles pre-Google streetview and when houses were advertised by estate agents only on paper and with only 1 photo (2 if you were lucky) and no floor plan.

We were lucky enough to more or less agree on what we wanted, but had to compromise - ended up on a busy road, 100yds as the crow flies from the council recycling depot. We didn't compromise on commuting distance both by car and public transport, a study, and a large garden.

The unexpected bonus to where we are - in every direction you are a short walk, at worst along an alleyway, to a park, large area of woodland, or other green space. So many things to do with small children without having to bundle them in the car and spend lots of money.

Villanelle123 · 21/10/2018 10:15

We didn’t have to compromise with each other at all. Saw this house and just knew it was for us and that we couldn’t let anyone else have it.

We did compromise in that ideally we’d have been able to spend another £50k and buy something that didn’t need any work.

WhereIsBlueRabbit · 21/10/2018 10:19

I had to talk DP into our house as the unextended version of a house we'd offered on that had fallen through. So we compromised on the fourth bedroom, the downstairs loo and eat-in kitchen - but we plan to put those in. DP is not very visual and couldn't see the potential, but he does trust me, fortunately.

Originally I thought it was going to be really difficult as I wanted an older property and he wanted a modern one. But then we started to view properties and he came round to my way of thinking without any persuasive techniques.

Nodancingshoes · 21/10/2018 10:21

We wanted 3bedrooms, big kitchen. 2 reception rooms and a big garden. We compromised on the 2 reception rooms as it is open plan downstairs. We wouldn't have compromised on the other 3 things

EssentialHummus · 21/10/2018 10:51

I'm not sure we did a great job tbh.

I was dead-set on the area because I was pregnant and getting stressed about schools (primary and secondary, so we could stay forever if need be). He hates hates hates the area, but didn't realise how much until we'd bought.

I wanted a garden, which I got, but because we have a flat rather than a house, that garden is accessed down a side return - so I don't often go out and just potter around. And getting a doggo has been shelved.

For his part my husband wanted to live in Mayfair rather than the guts of SE London, but specifically wanted very high ceilings (tick), light (tick), a dramatic staircase (weirdo tick), grand building (tick) a large central hallway as you come in to remove shoes, hang coats etc (tick) and a study/spare room (tick).

But we're both unhappy to varying degrees.

sossages · 21/10/2018 10:55

We were on the brink of having to make a big compromise over either the location or the number of bedrooms: DH didn't want to live on a council estate (having grown up on one, he's not a snob) but it was looking like the only way we'd be able to afford 3 bedrooms so that I could have a proper home office.

In the end we found a 3 bed flat we could afford, which was a compromise for both of us as we hadn't really wanted to go back to stampy/shouty upstairs neighbours again. Fortunately it's got concrete floors and the neighbours are lovely so it's worked out well. If we hadn't found this place one of us would have ended up really unhappy.

Badtasteflump · 21/10/2018 10:59

DH was happy for me to decide on our house as long as it was within budget and within a reasonable distance from work - just because he didn't have much of a preference and our tastes are similar anyway.

I knew I wanted it to be an older house with a large garden which wasn't overlooked. The house didn't need to be huge but there did have to be potential & space to extend in the future. Enough off street parking for at least a couple of cars. No 'knocked through' rooms and a basic layout which flowed, with all rooms leading off a hallway, no going through from room to room. An upstairs and downstairs loo. And the loos & kitchen needed to be in a reasonable state that we could live with at least for a few years. And finally it had to have that 'cosy' feeling that is either just there or it isn't!

Reading that back, I'm amazed we ever found our house

Tiredofit · 21/10/2018 10:59

Like a previous poster Dh’s first glimpse of our house was when we got the keys to move in. He wanted a detached in a quiet area with no busy roads. I wanted space for our two little boys (aged 3 and 2) and it’s literally 5 minutes walk to a great school. The house was over budget but I begged and borrowed and we got it. 19 years, and another ds later we are still here although we plan to downsize once ds1 and 2 leave home. The next move will definitely involve some compromise.

RandomMess · 21/10/2018 11:09

Both houses I just caved, DH seems drawn fugly 60/70/80s houses. He is promised that next time I will get to choose....

In truth I don't think we could afford the compromise house! Hopefully when the DC move out and we downsize it will be possible.

speakout · 21/10/2018 11:16

Fugly 70s houses can be very practical though.

My last house was a cottage built in 1628. Idyllic location.

Damp as hell, rats and mice a constant problem
House before was a Georgian villa flat in the city- again stunning amazing features, fireplaces etc.
Cost a fortune to heat, professional decorators were needed because of the ceiling height, constant expensive maintenance costs for pointing stonework, iron guttering, sash windows.

I am now in a fugly 1970s home- the rooms are huge, 50ft square lounge, huge bedrooms. Easy and cheap to heat, very low maintenance costs.

ChilliHobnobs · 21/10/2018 11:20

We both look at houses online and then come up with a shortlist to view and then swap lists. Any we both like we go and see, any we don't both like we don't and that's that.

lola006 · 21/10/2018 11:24

Our non-negotiables were: close to a train station (DH commutes every day), within 2miles of school to keep sibling link, at least 2 bathrooms and an easy to manage garden.

So in getting all that, we had to forgo a nice entry way (front door area is tiny and I hate it but that’s life!), a free-for-all parking situation (I sometimes park a 1/2mile from the house) and couldn’t afford detached.

Love our house though! Our budget wasn’t massive but making compromises got us a huge house with lots of rooms.

Annandale · 21/10/2018 11:38

Moved in to dh's house so no choice. The thing about this house is the location. It's so perfect that i have put up with the many many inconveniences and wrongnesses it contains without much bother for 15 years so far and have no intention of moving until i retire when current plan is some kind of areangement for ds and partner to buy the house from me and for me to move to a flat. (DS is 14 btw ) It did improve a lot when we extended ten years ago.

OftenHangry · 21/10/2018 11:49

We just wanted a house in a safe area.
3 bed, south facing garden, bathroom upstairs, move in condition with later project option, by bus routes, near amenities, not overlooked garden, privacy, quiet... All these were non negotiable. Mainly mine. He goes with a flow.

Champagne taste, bear budget. 😂
Guess what. After seing few horrors, we found it!

Santaclarita · 21/10/2018 12:19

My partner doesn't give a damn where we live really. When we buy I know it will be me choosing and he'll just go along with it.

My only real necessity though is my own drive way. Sick of the terraced house parking, where people park badly, or in your space, or lately in two spaces because their stupid BMW clearly needs the extra space. Much easier having my own driveway.

NotCitrus · 21/10/2018 12:25

We compromised on condition and agreed small garden and no drive was fine, got large house in what we thought was a slight compromise on location but actually is better with kids (more green space in walking distance, more community feel).

Kemer2018 · 21/10/2018 12:26

I wanted to leave hometown but we both had parents here.
My parents now moved to where i want to live. His parents still here.
Dd started high school so stuck for few more years .......but my feet are itching and have been for years.
Our house is lovely but town is going downhill big time. Wasn't good to start with.
Next house must have entrance hall separate from d.stairs rooms.
I hate kids traipsing through where I'm trying to relax.

Flip

1 2 3

Swipe left for the next trending thread