To LTB over his bed sheet habits?

[GiraffeObsessedBaby]

So my DH has a habit that has driven me nuts from day one. Honestly right now I can't remember why I married the man.

We have a beautiful, super king size, extra deep, extra fancy and weighing a literal fuck ton mattress. It's possibly my favourite thing on earth - except when it comes to making the bed.

My dh has this habit where he pulls the top corner of the fitted sheet - under his pillows - out from tucked nice and neatly under the mattress and wraps himself in it at night. So every frigging morning I've got a big wrinkle of fitted sheet down the middle of the bed where it's all come off and loose AND it's flicked off at my side and is usually covering my pillows.

Now we have discussed this many times. He sees no reason to make the bed properly each morning "as I'm only going to do it again tonight when I'm asleep". However! I've just caught the bastard red handed loosening my pristine hospital corners so that he can get to it easier!

I'm packing his bags and booting him out.

Please tell me I'm not alone. What stupid shit does your OH do that drives you to the brink of insanity?

Christ this thread makes me glad I'm single

Separate rooms.
No question. It's the best thing ever!

@soubriquet I know it sounds hilarious but it was actually quite spooky 😂.

His eyes would be wide open and he’d look at you but through you, if that makes sense as he hopped. He didn’t seem human at all. It was quite chilling.

I’ve posted about it before on here but when he’d go camping he’d go off through the woods hopping in his sleeping bag and we’d have to try and “herd” him back to the tent. It’s only funny the first time. Then it’s like, “seriously? Are we going to spend another night doing this?”

For reasons that I can't explain (I could but we'd be here for hours psychoanalysing my weirdness) I never used to be able to sleep unless I was holding the bottom sheet. Switched to Oxford pillowcases on the bottom pillows and now I can hold onto that comforting little flap of fabric instead.

I understand the stare

My 5 year old dd slept walked the other week, came into the living room and tried to have a wee in the corner. Was completely baffled there was no seat to sit on.

She had that stare. My dh picked her up and ran to the bathroom so she could go.

I apparently slept walked whilst pregnant. Once I picked up the biggest knife in the house and walked into the bedroom and looked at my dh. He nearly shit himself.
Luckily it was a flat so there was no stairs...

I also punched him in the eye whilst I was asleep too. Might not have been so bad if it weren’t for the fact I was wearing my engagement ring that left a perfect flower imprint just under his eye..

His work mates took the piss out of him for weeks

I second that Spilledmycoffee!

The second night after moving in together I got my duvet out so we could have one each. DH sausage rolls himself in his duvet leaving me freezing. Separate duvets saved our relationship!

Just show him this thread. Fear of a gaffa raping will surely make him see the error of his ways.

WTF is a 'gaffa raping'?

I shudder to think.
You'll have to ask Holdingonbarely

WTF is a 'gaffa raping'?

Autocorrect

I’ve mentioned sleep apnoea to DH, he thinks it isn’t that. It has come on suddenly, he’s never snored, it started a few weeks ago. He says it is phlegm. Nice. I will get him to mention it to the GP if it goes on though.

I honestly don’t know why people share beds unless you really have to,
I have an enormous comfy mattress, crisp bed linen and a goose duvet and I’ll be fucked if I’m sharing it

@Soubriquet actually nearly wet myself laughing. Your poor DH must have nearly died of shock!!

"Gaffs rape" has to be the best autocorrect ever.

I work shifts and have to unroll my DH from the duvet when I get home. He lies in the middle of the bed and wedges it down with a vice arm. Why does he need his arm out? Doesn't it get cold?

I need my feet out but that's different obviously

Erm... most of these sound like me
I roll myself up in the duvet
I sleep diagonally or in the middle of the bed
I move a lot in my sleep
I kick the duvet onto DH when I'm too hot

So if anyone want to send their DPs to me, We can be annoying as fuck together and I will swap for someone who doesn't move in his sleep, doesn't snore, sleeptalk or sleep walk.

@SirVixofVixHall

My DH started doing exactly the same thing. First time it scared the hell out of me. I always fall asleep after him (or not at all as is often the case because of insomnia) so often was fully awake to witness it. After a few dozen episodes, I noticed it sounded like it could be acid/food reflux and only happened after he had eaten certain foods. I started reminding him to take one or two Rennie tablets after those foods and it completely stopped the choking spluttering episodes. It never occurred to either one of us it might be basically a touch of indigestion because he virtually never gets it while awake. Think it might have something to do with the back of the throat/gullet etc. being relaxed as one nods off but I haven't researched it.

Sorry, I meant getting him to take the Rennie's just before going to bed.

Oh, thanks peanut. I’ll try and keep a diary for him, to see if certain foods are an issue. I know if I get reflux it makes me cough a lot, it took me a while to realise it was tummy related rather than an actual cough, or dust, so yes, perhaps this is the same thing.

Can you put two fitted sheets on?

Can you lay a single sheet on his side on top of the fitted sheet that he can wrap around himself instead. It would mean he could do his cocoon thing but the fitted sheet stays in place and it doesn't affect your side at all.

That's a single unfitted, flat sheet, obvs.

Enjoying an evening in on my own and giggling like a silly person at all of this. Love the imagery of the Human Cog turning himself into a giant grub, and the gaffa rape. And the one who leaps up like a fish. LOLs. My DH gnashes his teeth, and breathes in a strange gurgling, bubbling way with occasional vocalisations - it's the sort of noises I imagine corpses make, as the intestinal gases are released post mortem. I usually just kick him and he rolls over and stops. Wish we had a massive bed though, so all of that was going on further away.

OP, I'd go for the extra "swaddling" sheet on top of the normal fitted sheet, and see if that does the trick.

@Soubriquet That made me howl! Your poor DH.

I haven't shared a bed with anyone except my Pusheens for four years, they don't snore, hog the covers or do anything that annoys me, I much prefer it. When sharing with ex-h I'd make the bed every night and every morning the sheet would be falling off the bed. Definitely not me doing it! Although apparently I would shove him over to the edge of the bed. Dunno how! I seem to sleep right in the middle of the bed on my own and barely move!

Oh god I had an ex who used to do something like this, except I've blanked out the exact details. It involved pulling up the fitted sheet, which I used to think he was doing by mistake but he was actually doing on purpose I realised one day. He also used to like having the duvet the wrong way up so he could open it up and stick his arm in it. This was really annoying because he was always really dirty (a whole other thing) so I didn't really want him all over the actual duvet. There was something similar about the pillow too. He snored abominably and wanked all over everything all the time. and - get this. It wasn't even his bed - it was my house and he was just a visitor! What the flying fuck was I doing with that guy?

you should never have married him. I thank god every day I am not married to that guy, or any of the other rancid snorers.

I had a problem in my 20s and early 30s where I hadn't worked out the difference between a thrilling sexy encounter with someone dangerous and strange, and a boyfriend. all these nasty cocklodgers started out as murky shapes with fantastic pheromones on a smoky dance floor. Someone should have taken me aside and explained that you don't HAVE to actually be their girlfriend to fuck them