To LTB over his bed sheet habits?

[GiraffeObsessedBaby]

So my DH has a habit that has driven me nuts from day one. Honestly right now I can't remember why I married the man.

We have a beautiful, super king size, extra deep, extra fancy and weighing a literal fuck ton mattress. It's possibly my favourite thing on earth - except when it comes to making the bed.

My dh has this habit where he pulls the top corner of the fitted sheet - under his pillows - out from tucked nice and neatly under the mattress and wraps himself in it at night. So every frigging morning I've got a big wrinkle of fitted sheet down the middle of the bed where it's all come off and loose AND it's flicked off at my side and is usually covering my pillows.

Now we have discussed this many times. He sees no reason to make the bed properly each morning "as I'm only going to do it again tonight when I'm asleep". However! I've just caught the bastard red handed loosening my pristine hospital corners so that he can get to it easier!

I'm packing his bags and booting him out.

Please tell me I'm not alone. What stupid shit does your OH do that drives you to the brink of insanity?

I'm slightly sympathetic in that I have sensory issues and love deep pressure (the kind that a weighted blanket gives). I can imagine the pull of the sheet gives a similar feeling... BUT you could get that from an entirely separate sheet!

I don't know what DP does in the night but the sheet comes off his side every damn night which means he's sleeping on the bare mattress (vom not envy)

And like a PP he also somehow makes the duvet move in the cover so it doesn't fit properly and I end up with empty duvet cover and lumpy duvet. It never happened before he moved in!

My DH used to flip himself up in the air, and land back on the mattress with a flop, like landed fish on a boat deck.
Every night , just as I was nodding off. He said he was “just getting comfortable”
That thankfully stopped, and then for a while he became Human Cog , where he would wind the duvet round and round himself in the night, until he was like an emornous grub, while I lay uncovered and shivering.
Both these things seem to have stopped, but have been replaced with sudden , mad choking noises, as though he is dying, again thoughtfully just as I am about fall into deep sleep.
I have to kill him don’t I ?

My OH does the human radiator thing so tends to sleep on top of the covers which means that I can't move them as I move onto my side. On the rare occasion that I persuade him to sleep under the duvet he normally throws it back across me , meaning that I wake up boiling too with about 30 tog on top of me.
He also has a full repertoire of snores. The one involving blowing bubbles with his spit I'd definitely the worst.

Go on yersel Ltb! That would piss me off bigtime

SirVixofVixHall - sudden , mad choking noises, as though he is dying, again thoughtfully just as I am about fall into deep sleep.
I have to kill him don’t I ? Joking aside, you might not have to. Sounds like he could have sleep apnea with the flip flopping about and choking. He should get it checked out. My DP went to the GP about it. Obvs first port of call is losing some weight, so if yours is a bit heavy that would help. But if it carries on he needs to have a sleep study.

He needs swaddling. Make him get into bed before you and you can swaddle him up tightly like a baby. He’s not to move until his 7am feed.

Get him a blankie

@Holdingonbarely I’m crying at “gaffa rape” and can’t explain to DD (who’s looking at me oddly) why!

How is he still alive?

Maybe a dummy too?

What about putting spare fabric on top of your nice secure sheet and leave this one loose and easy for him to roll up in, thus leaving your secure one nicely in its place. Use the smallest piece of fabric that will do the job.

That would drive me insane. I can’t bear wrinkly sheets. Sofa or spare room for him?

Definitely try a second fitted sheet, over the first. Strap the bottom one underneath the mattress.

If that doesn’t work, tell him he can try his crazy sheet antics at the local motel. Lord knows what he’ll find under those fitted sheets, perhaps enough grossness to cure him.

This would drive me mad!

I would choke him with that damn sheet! This is just so bizarre... It's something a 4 year old might do, not a grown man!

@SirVixofVixHall

Literally just sat here laughing my head off at your post. Hilarious!

Then I just read further down he might have sleep apnoea and now I feel bad. Still funny though great post!

The answer to a lot of these issues is separate duvets (this is one of the three routes to a happy marriage in my view).
Could you try two double duvets on your (presumably king size) bed? This means he can roll himself in that, if you see what I mean ... we tried two single duvets at first, but it needs to be doubles to work well.
This arrangement seems to work in parts of Scandinavia.

Oh God this explains a lot dh always has his side of the fitted sheet untucked in the morning

Seriously...LTB then you'll have a lovely big bed all to yourself like I do.

This has me in stitches. Mine does this thing where he holds his breath for what seems like ages and then let's it out in a big sigh. He says it relaxes him

We have single duvet each and it works brilliantly DH is very much an ensconcer.

I don’t think it is sleep apnoea , he is very thin, very fit, doesn’t snore, and it only happens at the start of the night as he is falling asleep. I think he gets into a position on his back and as he sometimes has an allergic sniffle, his nose gets drippy and makes him cough in this hideous way.

Oh and the flapping fish thing was while he was completely awake, he would do it as a little getting comfy ritual, somehow he could leap upwards while lying on his back, as though electrocuted. It was most unnerving.

You don’t have to be fat to have sleep apnea. Retrognathia, enlarged tonsils or Uvula can cause it too or just having a small airways. He may be doing it all night it just doesn’t wake you or him from sleep. Always worth getting a referral.

This is why I'm single, and fully intend to stay so.