Visitors the day baby comes home from hospital

[bella1426]

I am scheduled to have my 2nd child by c section on Thursday and likely the following Monday will be the day we bring baby home. My dad, who lives 3 hours away (and without going into too much detail is quite a challenging person to deal with at the best of times) wants to travel to me on the Monday to see the baby. (First day home) That in itself would be ok but he wants to bring his teenage daughters (my step sisters) They are girls I would have seen a bit when they were smaller but due to the acrimonious breakdown and custody battle between my dad and their mam I haven't been able to see them or have any relationship with them for the last 4 years. Due to certain situations changing recently I hope I'll be able to see more of them and build some sort of relationship going forward but AIBU TO ask he holds off at least a couple of days before they all arrive at my house??? I remember being a bit of a tired emotional wreck the first few days at home last time and really don't need people around me I don't feel 100% comfortable around. He was a bit huffy about it and is making me feel bad for disappointing them. Am I being a total bitch about this? Too tired and hormonal and pregnant to figure out if I'm being reasonable or not....

YANBU. I didn’t want to see anyone for two weeks after having my first.

Of course you are being reasonable!!

YANBU at all. Why don't you ask your dad to visit towards the end of the week. What if you don't come home Monday? What if it gets late in the day when you're discharged. All scenarios that have happened to me and people I know and not because of anything too serious. Pregnancy and birth is the unknown even after baby has arrived.

It’s such a personal thing. Some people are ready within hours and others need a bit more time. If you need more time then ask for it. I never understand why people can’t appreciate different people need different recovery times.

Are they your dads daughters? If so then they are your sisters not stepsisters. In any case I would ask them to wait a week.

Disappointing them? If he's more worried about disappointing them than stressing out a new mother post-c-section I'm not sure you need him around at all until you're feeling strong enough. How about you tell him when you feel ready, op?
And good luck. x

His teenage daughters are your HALFsisters not stepsisters.

But YANBU

Just tell him you are not having visitors in for X amount of days.

Had my second section 5 months ago, also on a Thursday. I had told both sets of parents to stay away until I was ready. In actual fact, we were home on the Friday and I was happy for them to visit Sunday. That's with a supportive DH and the visit only being an hour or so though.

The way I read it, the girls are the daughters of the OP’s father’s wife

OP says he wants to bring HIS teenage daughters. Not sure how that translates into them not being his?

4 days seems a long stay for a planned section, usually it’s around 24-48 hours unless there’s any problems. So you may well be home Saturday - not sure if that makes any difference for you?

Also surely if they are your father’s daughters they would be your half-sisters not step-sisters?

Everyone is different. I was happy to have visitors just after baby was born and as soon as we were home.

If you're not happy tell them no.

YANBU

There's no guarantee you will be out by then (c section may be delayed due to lots of other women needing emergencies etc) so I'd tell him you can't make any decision until you are st least a couple of days post delivery.

Say you will ring him and agree a date when the baby is here and you know how you feel. I never arranged anything beforehand, you never know what will happen or how you're going to manage.

Just don't let other relatives plaster photos over social media in between the birth and seeing them!

I.e take control and YOU decide xxx

I'd tell him that the doctors can't confirm in advance when you'll be home, and that you'll invite them round as soon as you're home and settled.

sorry got the terminology wrong and it won't let me edit. They are my sisters/half sisters and his daughters

Yanbu. You'll be recovering from an operation and have a newborn.
PJ's and sofa should be your plan for the first week at the least.

I have had CSections every birth. I would say it would be best for you to see how you feel and how you are coping with baby before you decide what day anyone can come over. I was different each time so decide on the day or once actually home.

oh and Im in Ireland, and they keep you in hospital for 4 nights after a c section here

No. They must wait until YOU (mum) are ready. That’s it.

How is it particularly relevant what kind of sisters they are?

Sheesh!

OP - he needs to be more understanding of your feelings. And as yet, you have no idea how quickly or how well you'll recover.

I was home the following day with both of my c sections (1 emergency 1 planned) - what makes you think you won’t be home for 4 days? The day after giving birth yanbu- 4 days after you might be?