Visitors the day baby comes home from hospital

[bella1426]

I am scheduled to have my 2nd child by c section on Thursday and likely the following Monday will be the day we bring baby home. My dad, who lives 3 hours away (and without going into too much detail is quite a challenging person to deal with at the best of times) wants to travel to me on the Monday to see the baby. (First day home) That in itself would be ok but he wants to bring his teenage daughters (my step sisters) They are girls I would have seen a bit when they were smaller but due to the acrimonious breakdown and custody battle between my dad and their mam I haven't been able to see them or have any relationship with them for the last 4 years. Due to certain situations changing recently I hope I'll be able to see more of them and build some sort of relationship going forward but AIBU TO ask he holds off at least a couple of days before they all arrive at my house??? I remember being a bit of a tired emotional wreck the first few days at home last time and really don't need people around me I don't feel 100% comfortable around. He was a bit huffy about it and is making me feel bad for disappointing them. Am I being a total bitch about this? Too tired and hormonal and pregnant to figure out if I'm being reasonable or not....

Tbh I'd try to get home sooner in any case. I was home within a day of my planned section, Pn wards are grim places. Maybe talk to the consultant now about planned 24-48 hour discharge if all is well? But I would also be firm with your dad that no visits are set in stone until you're home.

Just say no.

No is a complete sentence.

No, I will let you know when I am ready is a perfectly acceptable and very reasonable thing to say.

If he doesn’t like it, tough shit. You decide, not him. It’s your baby and your body and your bloody home!

I would postpone but maybe get another date in the diary.

We asked BIL & SIL not to pop in on the day I came out of hospital but did have some very close friends stop by that day. Mainly because BIL & SIL were bringing their toddling child and our lounge had the carpet up, nails sticking out, steep stairs (no gate) etc. I think they were a bit put out but I was BFing all the time as DS was cluster feeding and PIL were still at our house. Most importantly, friends came with 18 cans of Coke Zero and Haribo (name changed as very outing )

@Princess28 she has explained this

OP please take your time and see them when you are ready

Sorry to be blunt but tell him to feck off!

Or if you want to be polite, then just get your husband to ring up on the day you are due out and say the midwife has said you can't have visitors for a week, as you are not feeling well enough to see anyone just yet. Then tell him nobody is allowed if they have a cold and especially if anyone has a cold sore.

Tough s.h.i.t if they get upset, this is a big emotional and physically hard time after a section for you, you want special time for you, your lovely man, older child and baby to bond in peace and quiet without visitors. You and your immediate family come first.

Nowadays I'd lie, which I wouldn't have done when in the same situation I look back and wonder why I suited everyone else instead of suiting myself when I was post-CS and needed looking after.

Say you'll be kept in for at least a week after the operation, and TBH I wouldn't even want to see someone then. Visitors are hassle when you have a new baby and your stomach has been cut open.

I'd be going stir crazy if kept in that long after a section. Personally I liked visitors straight away, and had friends round the evening I got back from hospital (2 night stay) after my section. But if you don't think you'll feel upto b it, then feel free to delay it a bit.

I would explain you don't actually know when you'll be home or ready for visitors so arranging a date to visit isn't appropriate until you're discharged and home. Explain you'll need time to settle at home and DC1 to meet new baby and all settle in and that when you're home and ready for visitors you'll contact him to arrange a visit. If you don't tell him when you're home he won't know when to visit and you can decline visitors in hospital. Just don't tell him when you're home until you're ready for him to come. He shouldn't just make that journey if he doesn't know if you'll be home yet. You don't have to see anyone until you're ready. It's major surgery and you have a right to have you're time before visitors. Good luck with it all

It's a min 3 night, usually 4 for a c section in Ireland. I didn't actually mind it the last time, was good to have the extra support and the strong painkillers. It's not so much the thoughts of visitors that is stressing me out as the awkwardness of this particular relationship if you get me. While I'm hopeful we can change this now the girls are essentially strangers to me at the moment and I'll be nervous and uncomfortable enough meeting them again, would rather be in a better state of mind as it will be a bit emotional and strange in itself. I'd be less stressed about friends and family I see all the time calling over

Don't feel bad or guilty for saying no and arranging an alternative, more suitable time for you.

He hasn't cared enough to facilitate contact or a relationship all this time so it's a pisstake for him to infer that familiarity now and use emotional manipulation.

YANBU. Half-siblings you haven't seen for 4 years don't have to be first across the threshold on day one. Is it just because he has them via custody arrangement next week?

Are they on your social media? If not, I'd say that you have to stay in longer. A month or so

Just tell the hospital to ban all visitors that aren’t named. When you get home you are within your rights not to open the door for him.

You shouldn't be made to feel guilt for asking him to hold off visiting till you feel comfortable. You having the baby, not your father. I wanted to hold off having visitors till I got home, didnt happen and although it was lovely I felt overwhelmed.

Yanbu at all!
Just say no.
Tell him when he can come.

I'd really want to avoid telling people I was in labour at all if it wasn't for the fact they'll be having our eldest. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Can you tell them the c section dates been changed if you don't want to come across badly (not that you would imo!)

You don't have to announce the birth to ANYONE until your ready remember.

Give him a line about massive blood clots and bloody pjs every 5 mins last time and that that they’d have to talk to you through a toilet door (while your in there breast feeding and changin— so you’ll tell them once the glow is easing and you can sit down for 5 mins without plastic bags on the sofas in case of leaks- then leave it at that. If he continues remind him you were in pain and not wanting visitors at that stage either- may sort him!

Yes exactly@ hammering, that particular day is suiting HIS custody arrangements!! I asked if we could even do a couple of days later and he got all huffy and was like fine we'll just leave it for another time. Some great lines I could have used in thread, damn i wish he hasn't caught me on the spot like that. Very true that I DONT know what time I'll be discharged on the Monday so that would have been the perfect excuse! Thanks for the responses all, I feel better that I stood my ground on it. And it's first day for DS1 and DS2 to be together so important to get DS1 comfortable, not to mention the poor little baby just come out of my cozy body! He's not a bloody doll to be passed around when only days old!

Nanny0gg
How is it particularly relevant what kind of sisters they are?

Sheesh!

I agree they could be full / half / step / adopted / fostered sisters
it does not make any difference you should be able to invite visitors to your home when you are ready and not have them turn up when they feel like it , I would make it very clear that you only want them there for x amount of time too so they do not overstay their welcome