To hope to receive same as sibling?

[NotExactlyHappyToHelp]

My sibling got married this year. It was brilliant I really loved the whole thing.

My parents paid for everything from the venue and the dress right down to the invites and favours. They’re not loaded but they’re pretty comfortable and they were happy to do it.

I love attending weddings but I can’t see myself ever having one. It’s just not for me. If I ever did it it’d be a very small affair. Maybe while on holiday and then come home hire a hall and have a party. If I ever did this I’d want to pay for it all.

My question is would I be super unreasonable to broach the subject of maybe getting a similar amount of money to the wedding cost from my parents?

I’m not well off and it could do a lot of long term good. If I had that sort of money I’d hopefully pass my driving test and buy a car, look into buying my council house and possibly doing an OU degree.

My parents are wonderful people and I’d hate to be grabby or cheeky so give it to me straight MN am I being a grabby cow?

No, not the same at all, marriage is about family, the day is shared with them.

If you mention to your parents your plans then they may offer to help but don't mention "in place of a wedding" plus whilst at the moment you cannot foresee a big wedding, you never know, people change their minds

YABU

They may offer once they realise you are serious - about nepo big wedding but you can’t ask. It’s a bit cheeky

YANBU, parents should make their children equal otherwise it leads to resentment. DH’s parents paid for a big chunk of his sister’s wedding but didn’t pay anything towards ours. It still rankles.

As a parent who paid for the day and evening reception for our daughter's wedding, I would be open to a discussion with the other daughter about a similar amount towards something like a deposit or an OU degree.
I personally would think that the subject is also in your parents' minds, they must realise that they need to be even-handed. To refer to the sister's wedding as 'a family event' is a little naive, it wasn't like a barbecue in the back-garden, that's a family event!

I wouldn't mind of one of my children asked me, but I'd never, ever ask my parents (who paid for exactly none of my wedding and still remind me that I borrowed a fiver in 1994- I did pay it back!).

So I suppose it depends on how you raise it, if you allow them some time to recover from paying for your sister's wedding, and how open your relationship is with them generally.

I’d be very unimpressed if a child turned up and said “you spent £10K on sis, gimme”.

But I’d be quite sad if my child didn’t think they could come to me totally independently of that and say “I’d love to do an OU course, would you be able to consider loaning me money to help towards it?”

One of my parents tried to be fair and occasionally tries themself knots about it. My sibling and I lived very different lives for a long time, but eventually acquired children in different ways so different ages, but within the same couple of years. Circumstances meant it was impossible to offer us the same babysitting. We've had different financial support at different times for different reasons. To unknot my parent I just say that the only way to be totally fair and equal would be to offer us each fuck all, so we are both getting better than fair!

@NotExactlyHappyToHelp - thanks !

I really think if they’ve implied they will one day give you the money anyway... why not bring it up and just discuss it with them? And if they want to say no they can do. I am close to my parents and i would just ask them. If they had wanted to say no, they would have done. As it happens I’ll probably not meet ‘the one’ for another ten years, who knows- by which point I will be able to afford to pay for my own wedding.

To refer to the sister's wedding as 'a family event' is a little naive, it wasn't like a barbecue in the back-garden, that's a family event!

I disagree with this. Weddings and Funerals are the times when a lot of families get together - occasionally a 'big birthday'. Of course most weddings are family events. How is that naive?

I think it's grabby. I don't get this thing about every child must receive exactly the same.

Neither do I. It may seem unfair but my mum told me once that she and my dad tried to give each of us, both emotionally and practically, what we needed - I understood that sentiment, and resolved to do the same with my own children. Some children will always need more support than others.

My sil got married a few years ago and they contributed much more to her wedding than they did to ours many years before - my DH spoke to his dad as we were looking to move at the same time and his dad gave us money towards our deposit. I know it wasn't as much as they paid towards the wedding but it helped us massively. My in laws have always said they treat their children the same so I didn't feel grabby by asking for s contribution to what we needed (we know they have the money).

It's a bit like someone being given a once in a lifetime specific present they've always wanted and you saying 'I don't want that but give me the cash equivalent please'.