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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Still quite upset about this...

69 replies

4TeensAndABaby · 20/10/2018 15:34

Regular lurker, infrequent poster here.

I’m posting mainly for traffic, and perhaps a bit of reassurance.

20 minutes ago I left my house to walk to Tesco (3 min walk). I walked through a park, and saw a man bending back the arm of a 9/10 year old girl. She was crying, but him and her (I assume) mum were laughing. The man let go, and the girls ran off behind a buggy. She said something which I didn’t hear, and the man marched over to her and again yanked her arm high behind her back. She was screaming and crying saying it hurt. The man then let go and said “That’ll teach you to fu*cking behave”.

I walked out of the park and called the police. I gave them all the details and everything I saw.

On my way back from the shop I got close to the park, and the woman shouted to one of her friends “Oi (name), you’ll never guess what. Some fucking cnt just called the police and said (man) was beating up (child)” and she was laughing. I decided to walk around the park and not through it, and I saw the police drive away.

I honestly can’t believe what I saw. The man was so rough with the young girl. She was screaming and crying, and the police have done nothing.

Was I wrong to call them?

OP posts:
ElizabethMainwaring · 20/10/2018 16:24

The police don't turn up if you have been burgled. I doubt if they hot foot it within the hour if someone's arm has been been pulled. The police have much to do. I'm not saying that pulling a child's arm is right, quite obviously, I'm just doubting some elements of this tale.

Caprisunorange · 20/10/2018 16:25

Yes but there might’ve just been a police car nearby not on a call who say they’ll check it out. Not unusual

GreenLantern53 · 20/10/2018 16:27

I dont doubt the story at all. My 2 year old (now 4) called the police on the landline and I had officers around within minutes.

AlexaAmbidextra · 20/10/2018 16:31

personally i wouldnt have got involved.

Lovely attitude. This is why women and children are abused for years and even murdered, because someone didn’t want to get involved.

GreenLantern53 · 20/10/2018 16:32

well the police obviously didnt do anything either 🤷‍♀️

TeeBee · 20/10/2018 16:33

It's everybody's business when a child is getting abused. Close your eyes to it if you choose, but not everyone can live with themselves if they did that.

Fontofnoknowledge · 20/10/2018 16:33

I sit next to a pc whonwas in Child protection for over 25 yrs , she says that they absolutely would come out immediately to an assault on a child and if a patrol car was nearby they would be there in minutes.
A burglary, that has happened, where no one is in immediate danger - is not even close to the same ball park as an assault on a child. Get a grip ElizabethMainwairing !

TeeBee · 20/10/2018 16:34

We don't know the police have done nothing; they may have questioned them and taken their details.

GreenLantern53 · 20/10/2018 16:36

no i wouldnt call the police if i saw a parent grab a childs arm.

Fontofnoknowledge · 20/10/2018 16:38

Just to add to that, if the police spoke to the parents and child , then left without further action - that doesn't mean that 'nothing has happened ' far from it. The parent/child names will be entered into police log/notebook and married up to see if the family is 'known' and any further work needs to be done.

Rebecca36 · 20/10/2018 16:39

You did absolutely the right thing. You witnessed actions of blatant cruelty against a child. Well done, I wish there were more people like you. I don't think there's anything else you can do now, it's out of your hands, just hope for the best.

bsbabas · 20/10/2018 16:41

Hes lucky (not) someone didnt knock him out.

TeeBee · 20/10/2018 16:43

Some people are not reading the OP's original post. He pushed the child's arm high up her back and the parents were laughing at the child crying, it was not a yank/grab of an arm! Read what she wrote.

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 20/10/2018 16:43

He didn't just "grab her arm" though, did he. He was yanking it up high behind her back, an unnatural movement for an arm and no doubt it did hurt her. That's beyond "grabbing her arm".

BumsexAtTheBingo · 20/10/2018 16:45

Well the police may well keep it on file or make a referral themselves but I’m not sure what more you expected them to do? I doubt the man admitted hurting the child and she’d have no injury. No doubt the mum and possibly the child will have supported the father about it being some kind of misunderstanding/game. They can’t just arrest someone on your say so.

RollaBowlaBall · 20/10/2018 16:45

You did the right thing, you told the right people and they acted and you’ll never know what/if anything happens next.

I realise this is hard as it must’ve been horrible to see, but there is nothing more you could’ve done, so don’t feel bad about your role in this and try to stop thinking about it as you won’t get any resolution Flowers

BewareOfDragons · 20/10/2018 16:45

I would follow up with the police and tell them they were laughing about it, so had clearly lied about what he'd been doing to her and the poor girl was probably too frightened of them to tell them herself.

Poor girl. Hopefully, someone else will report them soon so there will be a trail that they can't hide from.

LemonRedwood · 20/10/2018 16:46

The police don't turn up if you have been burgled. I doubt if they hot foot it within the hour if someone's arm has been been pulled.

I've been the safeguarding lead in a primary school for a year now and have more face-to-face meetings with police in the past year than I have had contact with them in the rest of my life! They will prioritise child safeguarding. They arrived at school within 4 minutes when a child climbed over the fence a few months ago. They absolutely do hot foot it over if there is a suspicion of a child being hurt.

AcrossthePond55 · 20/10/2018 16:47

For those of you apparently downplaying this, there's a world of difference between painfully yanking a child's arm up and bending it behind their back and someone simply firmly grabbing a child's arm to either get their attention or to 'frog march' them away. I'm assuming the OP saw the former. I'd have called the police too.

gingeristhenewblack43 · 20/10/2018 16:48

What VerbenaGirl said.

Police and SS want people to report even the smallest concern. In most Serious Case Reviews held after the death of an abused person it is revealed that lots of people had small concerns but felt they were too trivial to report. Had those concerns been reported then it would have helped to build a bigger picture and possibly saved the life of the abused person.

davisday · 20/10/2018 16:49

Why are you not giving them a statement?

Haberpop · 20/10/2018 16:49

Why would people not get involved? Do they think it is OK to use such force against a child? Well done OP, you did the right thing, I would follow up with a call to SS too.

Urbanbeetler · 20/10/2018 16:49

Even if nothing comes of it, you have given that child confirmation that the abuse against her was viewed as such by someone else. Once day, that may make a big difference to her understanding her childhood experience. You did what you could.

BlancheM · 20/10/2018 16:49

Just another voice to say YOU DID THE RIGHT THING. If the girl is failed, it's not on your watch. You've done what you could, and thank you.

Hermagsjesty · 20/10/2018 16:50

I think you absolutely did the right thing - although I don’t think that there is anything further you should do now. It will have been logged so if there is any further incident the connection will be made. And at least the little girl knows someone paid attention and cared.