To wonder why Dd being offerered mental health support in school

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So just received letter from school offering Dd (13) to take part in group sessions aimed at children with low "well-being "

It has come as a bit of a shock to me that dd has been offered this. DD Is sensitive and anxious and severely dyslexic but as far as im aware gives 100% in school. Takes part in liturgical activities and is doing amazingly well. Despite dyslexia is in top group for science and is doing well in other subjects. I'd have her down as teachers pet if im honest. She does get upset easily and has always been a sensitive soul.

So yes please i would love my dd to get this extra support
Thankyou.

BUT

My concern is - is there something going on at school that i should know about? Are the school concerned about her? Because not once have issues been raised, her reports are exemplary and positive feedback always from school.

So now im worried. I have mental health issues and im scared ive passed them on to DD but my issue is here that there has been no communication with the school re issues. I emailed her form tutor in the past few weeks as she was tying herself in knits about assessment week and he said he would talk to her. He did and reassured her she is doing well etc.

Obviously i will contact the school on monday but i feel a bit miffed that no concerns have been raised previously.

I would be pissed off. YANBU.

Your daughter has the right to discuss issues that are bothering her in confidence if she so chooses

I would be grateful that she feels comfortable enough in school to share worries she has and that the school are supportive of her

I think it's wonderful they have these classes. Perhaps they have just noticed the sensitive/anxious side of her that you already know exists, and want to make sure she has the skills to manage it? Surely that's a good thing?

But you raised concerns a few weeks ago about her being worried. Sounds like school are being great. Do not understand why you feel miffed at all.

It sounds brilliant the school are "on it" and have responded to your concerns about her anxiety around exams. It will be because "she gets uupset easily and is a sensitive soul" as yoiu out it. Yet you seem to think ots a slight on her grades or behaviour? Of course you can have high grades, behave well and have anxiety (I do!) and hence appreciate a wellbeing group.

Welcome it with open arms!

That sounds really positive what does your child think?

You have raised concerns with school that your daughter has anxiety and is having issues dealing with school and you are annoyed that they have responded to it by providing her with additional support. OP this does not make sense to me.

You told them she’s worrying and anxious and now you’re upset that they’re trying to help her?

A chat with a teacher is nice and shows they care, but it doesn’t build resilience or coping techniques.

I think your own anxiety is making you read more into this than there is.

It will be because she is feeling anxious and possibly has low self esteem due to her dyslexia- many children with SEN do.

I would view it as a real.positive that school have got her this extra support.

I am a secondary teacher and there are so many pupils who would benefit from.support but can't access it due to funding limitations so she is really lucky to have got a space.

Isn't it better that at the same time they tell you they have noticed she would benefit from emotional support, they also tell you what that support will be? Much better than just telling you and not doing anything about it. Gently, because I too am an anxious person and would be overthinking this myself, this is a good move by the school.

I get where you're coming from OP, but it honestly sounds as though the school are being very supportive of your DD. They may not have any specific concerns, but think that your DD may benefit from a bit of a boost to her confidence through this sort of group work. From your OP, it sounds like her form tutor may have considered it a good follow-up to his chat with your DD.

I would probably follow this up as you are planning to, with exactly what you have said - yes please, would love the extra support, can you tell me a bit more about what it entails and how DD might benefit from it?

I wouldn't be pissed of about the offering of the sessions as such, but I would be annoyed if they hadn't spoken to me about why they feel that she needs them.

I don't know if its different at secondary but as a primary teacher we always speak to parents of we want to offer children an intervention, whether social/emotional or academic.

You need to separate out her mental well being from her academic success. The school aren't punishing her or saying she's been badly behaved. They are acknowledging what you already know - she's sensitive and anxious and getting stressed about assessments. They are simply offering her help with that. It doesn't make her any less academic or well behaved.

My son is similar - doing very well at school and well behaved but suffers from anxiety. I was delighted at the extra support his primary school offered him to deal with his emotional issues - its a sign of a good school that cares about the welfare of its kids not just about whether they are achieving their grades and being well behaved.

It will be because she's easily upset and gets anxious. Schools really want to tackle issues like this when they're still small issues, so they don't snowball. You raised a concern about her getting worried about assessments, teacher talked to her, realised she's at the anxious end of normal and thought it would be a good idea to get her some help to ease the anxiety.

It's a good thing that they've got schemes like this, we've got something similar at my school. It's definitely not something to worry about unduly, it's us trying to help kids develop some resilience so we can hopefully help them avoid mental health issues in the future.

My DD is younger, still at primary, and she was part of a similar group last year. We were thrilled, and have carried on some of the techniques at home, to improve her confidence and help her deal with her worries. My DD was getting a bit "stuck" in a cycle of worrying about things, and the group she was part of helped her get out of that mindset. It was brilliant!! Hopefully the one your DD has been invited to will be just as helpful.

I’d seen this as a really positive and proactive approach from the school. You have indicated that academically she is doing well but she does get anxious and is a sensitive soul. Sometimes if not properly acknowledged and supported that anxiety and sensitivity could possibly lead to something more than that. There is more to school than just attainment and it sounds like the school are looking at your dd as a whole person, identifying some areas she needs support with, so she can achieve her best.
That said, I can see how a letter like this would cause alarm if you weren’t aware of any issues and indeed there may be no issues, however the school might feel she could benefit from a group like this to help her manage her anxiety and not feel alone with a group of pupils of the same age who are feeling similar .
Contact the school after the half term and discuss what they have identified and how the group will work. Do let them know that this out of the blue letter did cause you to panic and be upset that there was an issue. Talk to your dd, see how she feels about it all.
Do stop with the guilt and worry of what you might have missed though, you sound like a great mum doing a great job and kids can be more effective than MI6 in keeping things to themselves.

But you do know why, you said it yourself

DD Is sensitive and anxious

She can be sensitive and anxious and give 100%. There can be no further issues but school are offering to help with the anxiety as well as the dyslexia.

And you have said yourself, you emailed the school because she was tying herself in knots.

Its quite obvious and a good thing that she is getting support.

I’d be pleased the school was being pro active and offering her support to manage her anxiety.

YABNU to wonder, but YABU to expect to know. At 13, she's rapidly approaching the age at which she can consent to her own medical treatment. She might even be competent to do so already.

All you can do is encourage her to tell you, but in terms of knowing what's going on inside her head, I think you'll have to try and let go of the annoyance.

These things are being offered at dds School now, and pshe are picking up on well being too.Ask your dd if she wants to go and take it from there.

The school can see that she is a worrier and are trying to support her.
School is not just about academic achievement but all round success and your school seems to have really bought into that ethos.

Brilliant that a school are on the ball. A pupil is identified as being anxious so they are working to help them. I am struggling to see the negative.

Too often we have to wait until things reach crisis point before support is offered when we should be aiming for a “prevention is better than cure” approach

Thankyou will read later but yes am happy for her to attend x

This kind of stuff worries me. And the problem is that because "mental health" has become such a catch-all buzzword, it's really hard to question any of this stuff without coming across as a mean and uncaring person.

If they actually believe that she has a psychiatric or psychological condition, they should be talking with you and taking steps towards having her referred to a competent specialist. Actual mental illnesses are serious and need proper attention and treatment, not teachers pretending to be psychiatrists.

If it is merely a question of "low wellbeing"--well, what on earth does that even mean? I'm concerned about the current trend of catastrophizing every negative emotion that teenagers ever have, blowing them up into mental health issues and encouraging teenagers to think of themselves as unwell and fragile. I think it can be counterproductive.

They need to focus on providing support for her dyslexia and related challenges--that is within their remit as a school.

To be honest, I think a lot of this is box-ticking-- I suspect schools are increasingly under pressure to "look like they are doing something about mental health" etc.

If she is doing well academically then chances are they are providing support for dyslexia and any other learning needs. They aren't pathologising. They haven't diagnosed a mental health condition. The OP says her dd is anxious. She brought this to the attention of the school, and it is likely they have noticed too. They are offering appropriate, low level support to a child to whom they have a duty of care.