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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder why Dd being offerered mental health support in school

48 replies

LEMtheoriginal · 20/10/2018 12:16

So just received letter from school offering Dd (13) to take part in group sessions aimed at children with low "well-being "

It has come as a bit of a shock to me that dd has been offered this. DD Is sensitive and anxious and severely dyslexic but as far as im aware gives 100% in school. Takes part in liturgical activities and is doing amazingly well. Despite dyslexia is in top group for science and is doing well in other subjects. I'd have her down as teachers pet if im honest. She does get upset easily and has always been a sensitive soul.

So yes please i would love my dd to get this extra support
Thankyou.

BUT

My concern is - is there something going on at school that i should know about? Are the school concerned about her? Because not once have issues been raised, her reports are exemplary and positive feedback always from school.

So now im worried. I have mental health issues and im scared ive passed them on to DD but my issue is here that there has been no communication with the school re issues. I emailed her form tutor in the past few weeks as she was tying herself in knits about assessment week and he said he would talk to her. He did and reassured her she is doing well etc.

Obviously i will contact the school on monday but i feel a bit miffed that no concerns have been raised previously.

OP posts:

BrokenWing · 20/10/2018 12:59

Ds had something similar last year and it was a shock when I initially read the letter. But he checked and all children in his year were given one, it was just badly worded and seemed selective.

Sirzy · 20/10/2018 13:01

We should be giving all young people support to protect their mental health, to learn coping strategies and that it is fine to speak up when struggling. Lessons can be learnt from how previous generations have been let down to help young people now

Kokeshi123 · 20/10/2018 13:06

I think I would like to see some concrete realities and an actual evidence basis behind what is being done in schools in this kind of situ. What exactly are they doing in these sessions? What training do the teachers have? Can they point to some kind of track record? Is there any data supporting the idea that these interventions do anything in particular?

Teachers are not specialists in this area, and we've all seen endless fads in schools over the years (Brain Gym, SEAL....) which turned out to have no evidence basis at all.

LokiBear · 20/10/2018 13:12

Im a head of year. In all likelyhood, the school have some spaces on the well being course, her form tutor has said 'that sounds like it would be brilliant for MiniLem, she works so hard but doesnt realise how great she is'. Then the hoy has sent the letter to you. You already know she is sensitive, dyslexic, yet works hard enough to be in the top groups. The school know it too and they are supporting her. Id bet my bottom dollar there us nothing more to it than that. Just a proactive school doing their best for a hardworking kid.

lalalalyra · 20/10/2018 13:12

my issue is here that there has been no communication with the school re issues. I emailed her form tutor in the past few weeks as she was tying herself in knits about assessment week and he said he would talk to her.

There has been communication. You emailed them with your concerns and they are reacting to them.

MinisterforCheekyFuckery · 20/10/2018 13:18

my issue is here that there has been no communication with the school re issues.

According to your OP you contacted the school yourself to express concerns about your DD "tying herself in knots" and struggling to cope with the pressure of assessments. They're trying to be proactive in responding to your concerns.

Thenewdoctor · 20/10/2018 13:21

You emailed them and said there were issues. They’re putting something in place to help.

Sorry if this is out of turn but are you reacting because of your own MH issues?

MsAwesomeDragon · 20/10/2018 13:22

Well the groups in my school are run by health professionals rather than teachers, as we recognise that we aren't experts. I have had a single 3 hour training on mental health in my entire 15 year career. I have no idea what in doing when it comes to mental health, in the same way as I have no idea what I'm doing with physical health either. So we get professionals in to help.

We have a school nurse who has had a load of specific training about the health issues teen-agers face, both physical and mental. She runs the groups we put on for anxious kids and uses similar techniques to the ones used in group therapy sessions run by cahms (according to some of the kids who've done both), but the kids can stay in the group until they're ready to leave, unlike with cahms where they get 6 weeks then have to go back on the waiting list, if they ever get into a group in the first place.

The kids who are part of these groups at my school say that it's useful, and they do seem to be more confident after they attend sessions for a while. Whether they would have naturally become more confident I don't know, but they believe the sessions have helped.

My dd's primary school had sessions run by a TA. She had attended training on a specific program she was delivering, which was produced by psychologists. It was never, ever put forward as being a replacement for proper mental health support if children had diagnosable issues. It was put forward as a group in which children could use techniques (the kids called them games) to develop confidence, and was aimed at kids who were anxious or sensitive.

RangeRider · 20/10/2018 13:33

Brilliant that a school are on the ball. A pupil is identified as being anxious so they are working to help them. I am struggling to see the negative.Too often we have to wait until things reach crisis point before support is offered when we should be aiming for a “prevention is better than cure” approach
This ^^. Surely it's better that she gets some help before she becomes an adult with anxiety? Because that really isn't any fun at all.

Feefeetrixabelle · 20/10/2018 13:48

I wish they’d had these when I was at school. It would have helped so much. Don’t think that mental health services and support is a bad thing. Maybe the reason they haven’t raised the concern is because they’ve only just identified it and their first act is to enrol suitable students into this course.

AiryFairyUnicornRainbow · 20/10/2018 13:58

OP the school are going above and beyond, and I don't understand your issue

you say yourself she is sensitive and anxious

Those, you must be aware, are precursors to mental health conditions...and the school are obvs looking out for this.

Mental health issues can run in families...it is worth being aware of that

Chocolatedeficitdisorder · 20/10/2018 14:00

I work in a secondary school and I'm involved with staffing these groups. I'm a TA, but have a background as an MH nurse.

The pupils are often selected after parent requests or medical referrals, but very often it's teaching and pastoral staff who suggest the names to our department. The school staff can easily tell those who struggle with anxiety, friendships or organisation.

These pupils are those who stay behind to talk to the teacher, or who find the staff at breaktimes, or often are those who we find during class times wandering in the corridors or hiding in the toilets. They don't all have issues with the level of work, but the size and social pressures of a large school causes them problems.

We select a group of 6-8 pupils from the same year group and find a programme of activities that suits their personalities and issues. It might be a course of anxiety education and strategies run by a Psychologist, or a series of outdoor experiences where they can learn self-sufficiency and resilience, along with being in a position of working with a team.

Some of the older pupils have recently worked with a charity on vehicle mechanics and learned how to drive as well. Another set have had a series of lessons in martial arts from an outside provider which allowed them to have huge achievements.

These activities would benefit all of the pupils, but funding doesn't allow for that so only the pupils who would be likely to benefit most will be invited.

corythatwas · 20/10/2018 14:00

Like other posters I think this may well come under the heading "you said, we did".

And I don't agree with the pp that providing some low-key support is tantamount to catastrophising. That, I feel, is a hangover from the situation in my young day where you bloody well did have to be seriously mentally ill to get any support at all- making people my age feel that an offer of support is the same as pretending that everybody is seriously mentally ill.

It isn't. It doesn't mean that anymore. It's preventative health care, like going to the dentist.

When my grandmother was a child you bloody well only went to the dentist if your tooth was ready to come out, bloodily and painfully. That doesn't mean that every parent who takes their offspring to the dentist today are catastrophising about their teeth being beyond help. It means they are putting in a bit of preventative care, hoping it won't come to the tongs and screaming stage. It's not because we don't want out children to be as tough as grandma, it's because we'd like them to have better teeth.

My dd also had support at school and found it helpful, but in her case (because she actually was seriously ill) it wasn't enough but needed to be supplemented from elsewhere. Still helped though, and helped to build up an image of that school as a place where they were aware and would know what to do if things got difficult.

lpchill · 20/10/2018 14:02

I work for a charity that runs sessions like this. It's just if a teacher or anyone in the school has identified that your child would benefit from an after school almost like club with youth workers who they can talk to and have a more controlled envious to socialise. It might be she went to the group and had fun and now wants to keep going.

Talk to your daughter and the school and find out what it is.

Twillow · 20/10/2018 14:13

Well, ask them.

But DD Is sensitive and anxious and severely dyslexic and presumably they are also aware of this.

Cauliflowersqueeze · 20/10/2018 14:18

Sounds wonderful. But if you think your child won’t benefit then withdraw her and they can help the next person on the list.

Original poster

LEMtheoriginal · 20/10/2018 15:18

Thankyou everyone- i replied earlier but it appears to been lost in the ether.

I agree it IS a good thing. Im pleased actually but am worried that maybe there is something going on at school im unaware of. Dd is absolutely entitled to her privacy - doesnt stop me worrying.

School have been fantastic support with her dyslexia

OP posts:

Original poster

LEMtheoriginal · 20/10/2018 15:19

@Ipchill it is MMK mind that are running the sessions

OP posts:

Stuckforthefourthtime · 20/10/2018 15:23

You emailed them to say she was anxious and they have put her in a group to help her.
I'd be thrilled, it's not a bad thing. To put this in perspective, it wasn't until one of my young ds's started self harming in maths class that his school acknowledged he might not be coping well with his anxiety.

Mummadeeze · 20/10/2018 15:26

My daughter is very well behaved, loves school and is not falling behind academically. But, she is very unconfident about decision making, is anxious and quite unconfident. The school contacted us to offer her play therapy and also a sponsored free place at a theatre school on weekends to help her. I was so grateful for the extra support. It is hard acknowledging that she has problems that have singled her out but at the same time, any well being initiatives that are offered by the school can only be a good thing. And it is reassuring to know that they aren’t leaving her to struggle through.

Oblomov18 · 20/10/2018 15:29

I'm also confused by your objection. Sounds like school are on the ball.

gamerwidow · 20/10/2018 15:35

It’s natural to worry that you might have missed something and DD is unhappy and you didn’t know. It sounds like they’ve taken on board her anxiety from a couple of weeks ago and are taking steps to give her the tools she needs to manage it in future.

ThistleAmore · 20/10/2018 15:36

It's perfectly possible to be highly competent - outstanding, even - at school or at work and yet still be undermined by anxiety.

I think this is a good thing - even if your daughter's anxiety is 'low level', discovering tools to manage it has to be a good thing, surely: prevention is better than cure.

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