to ask if you have ever called the Samaritas?

[GlitteredAcorns]

and if so, did you find it helpful?

I didn't find it at all helpful. I really wanted someone to talk to. The person on the other end of the phone said almost nothing and I found it an exasperating experience.

I used them after my dh died, they were great,

They're still strict in that they can't give advice, they can give you details for somewhere that can give advice though.

There's around 20 hours training. If you ring looking for advice or for something similar to professional counselling then of course you'll think they're no good, but they're actually just there to listen and help you get everything out and organise your thoughts.

Yes I have and no, not helpful. I had PND and D H left with the baby as he was worried I might hurt him. I was inconsolable and just wanted to talk to someone. I called and was just crying as I was struggling to talk. The woman who answered listened for literally a few seconds and said "well if you won't talk there's no point you calling us" and hung up. I took an overdose. But had the sense to throw up. That was 13 years ago. I still remember her words. I have never spoken to anyone about it. It scarred me.

EssexGurl I'm sorry if that was your experience. They have very strict rules and are only meant to cut someone off in very limited circumstances.

I've never had an actually nasty or purposefully unhelpful person on the line, thankfully. Some calls were just a bit bizarre. Mostly in the way that have left me wondering that I'm really just not communicating well with them.

Once when I called the sam on the phone seemed to decide to begin with that I was a Muslim immigrant. He wasn't being racist or anything, but it was an odd conversation. "Could you maybe contact someone from your mosque for a chat?" "Ummm, I don't really go to a mosque or a church or anything..." "How about a social group for ladies from your culture? Do you live near a cultural centre you could contact? Would you consider the mosque just to meet people you'd connect with?" etc. I probably do have a bit of an accent (maybe more so if I was upset?), but a thoroughly European one, and my name is not a traditional Islamic name or anything; I hadn't mentioned being an immigrant. It was a bit odd.

I'm a Samaritan but we only do face to face in our branch as we work specifically public events so music festivals etc.
There are lots of people looking for advice and it's hard because that isn't what we do - we can't because we simply are qualified to know what is best for you life. However I really believe that giving people a chance to talk, to vent, to sit in patient silence l, to have a hug, to have a cry, to really explore their feelings makes a huge difference to many of our callers

EssexGurl that's awful and I'm truly sorry that happened, that is not what they are meant to do at all. I'm so glad you're here x

There's a real mix of responses here. I guess the expectation for some people is that they're going to be given some advice or told what to do, which really is not what the Samaritans are about at all.

I have a few times. They were helpful every time except when I was being stalked and was terrified and upset and they advised me to think about what my stalker (ex bf) was going through and how he must be feeling..

Underpressure could you tell me a little bit about the times you found them helpful please?

I volunteer for Mindline, a similar listening service run by Mind. The main difference being that Mindline will actively aim to prevent suicide, whereas the Samaritans don't.

How to Mindline actively prevent?

I have, it did help as it distracted me.

How to Mindline actively prevent?

If a caller is actively suicidal they will aim to interrupt that plan in some way (obviously with the caller's help, it's totally anonymous) - it may be flushing a stash of tablets saved for an overdose down the toilet, giving blades to a friend etc. With caller's consent (again, totally anonymous, caller would be required to give personal details e.g. location) they will contact crisis team/emergency services etc. as appropriate. It's a slow process and often involves quite a while of listening, building a rapport and gaining trust before a caller is willing to accept help once they've reached that point, but is often very successful.

Ah OK I wasn't sure if you meant with their engagement or not, as in you'd call an ambulance against their will etc. Thanks

@SleepingStandingUp it's a totally anonymous service but call handlers are trained in suicide intervention (much like police negotiators etc.). Listening is a very powerful tool!

Yes and no. Felt suicidal. Only time I reached out.Made a serious attempt a few months later.
Volunteer Basically got me off the phone quite quickly and advised me to just go to bed and sleep. I find it very hard to open uo and i think she thought it was a trivial call

Found them useless. All the person said was "that's terrible, it must be hard for you", over and over again in a disinterested voice. Would have liked to know what options I had as I couldn't use the internet as it was being monitored. Granted they couldnt say what I should do, but to literally say nothing when my life was being threatened, was useless. I ended up convincing the man on the end of the phone that it was all fine, just so I could get off the call. I didn't even know their was anything like Woman's Aid, so even pointing in that direction would have been helpful.

Yes I did, and no it didn't help. I really didn't expect the answer 'I don't know what to say' to my comments. I was in huge distress and was even worse afterwards. I have heard from many others that they were helped however.

It is really disheartening to hear some of the stories here and I really do hope things have changed a bit. Samaritans are still not allowed to give advice but they are encouraged to really listen to the individual stories and help the caller to unfold their thoughts. Samaritans can also do signposting to other services/organisations.

Hacked that's why I stopped volunteering with them. They are very strict about not giving opinions or advice and so really there are only a few stock phrases you end up saying, regardless of the circumstances of the call. I got reprimanded even for saying 'that must be hard for you' to somebody because it was making 'assumptions' and maybe the thing wasn't hard at all. Although I'm not sure they would have been phoning if that was the case...

I felt like you just ended up saying 'can you tell me more about that?' and 'how does that make you feel' over and over again. It also felt frustrating when really upset people asked what they should do and you had to say 'well what do you think you should do?' or similar. I didn't feel I was helping.

I work at a place where suicide prevention is part of the training and it's very at odds with the Samaritans ethos, I think that didn't help.

I've emailed them at two different points in my life, both 5-10 years ago. The first time I received a detailed, thoughtful response which seemed as if the writer had actually read my message. The second time the response was so brief and generic (curt, even) that I ended up feeling worse.

It must be extremely difficult to be on the receiving end of such despairing calls and messages, and I know volunteers are quite limited in the conversation they can provide, so I'm not complaining.

Yes and sometimes good sometimes bad. The two years after I split with ex-DH were the lowest of my life and I would sob most nights on my own in my flat. I called one night and said I wanted a chat. The woman snapped back ‘we don’t do chats’ I just put the phone down and cried some more😥

I have, and not really, but I don't really see what they could have done to help anyway, which I told my psychologist when she was going on and on about how great they were. But I gave them a shot. And nah, they weren't helpful at all for me. I am sure they are for others, but they weren't for me.