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AIBU?

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Original poster

To wonder if there is some truth in becoming more right wing as you age?

70 replies

callitamay · 20/10/2018 09:37

(And to worry I am turning into a grumpy old woman.)

I used to be very compassionate and caring. I attended church, volunteered for a charity, gave people lifts, went the extra mile in doing small things like buying batteries for a remote control for a disabled woman and listened kindly to friends’ troubles and other small examples that add up.

As I’ve got older, I’ve changed.

I’ve lost my faith for starters. I want to believe in God but I can’t. But also I feel like any ‘good deed’ attempted has backfired and hasn’t been appreciated. For example doing voluntary work has meant I’ve sacrificed my own time and lost opportunities because of that. Giving people lifts became expected and difficult and awkward if you politely tried to raise this. I was even stopped by the police once on the way back from dropping someone off - they were really nice but I don’t know.

As a result I’m cynical. I feel like I always believed the answer to a happy life was making others happy but it hasn’t really worked for me - I’m not unhappy exactly but things could be better. But I don’t know how to improve things either!

OP posts:
Original poster
callitamay · 20/10/2018 12:04

No one? Smile

OP posts:
Cheekylittlenumber · 20/10/2018 12:07

I wouldn’t describe that as being right wing though. You’ve just changed your attitude based on Experiance.

MorrisZapp · 20/10/2018 12:11

It's definitely true. The Scottish nationalists who were so disgusted with older people voting no in the Indyref comfort themselves that this lot of oldies will die, then the switched on youth will inherit the earth.

But it doesn't work like that. People change ad they go through life. I was an ardent SNP supporter in my youth, and in my forties I voted no.

Broadly speaking, experience replaces idealism. I haven't voted tory though :)

Moussemoose · 20/10/2018 12:13

I haven't.

I think I am more cynical but I still believe that wealth should be shared. I pay my taxes with no bitterness. I contribute to charity and volunteer.

No my dcs are older I have time to do more so I do. If anything, I am more radical about certain things.

I've sacrificed my own time but I've done that because I want to and I get a lot of of it. It makes me feel good about myself and probably a bit smug but it's win win. I feel good other people get help.

I'm not bothered about working for more cash but I will work to do things I believe in.

Dontsweatthelittlestuff · 20/10/2018 12:16

So to your view only left wing voters attend church or volunteer?

I live in a very conservative area yet people still do a tonne of volunteer work. People give their time to many things and I very much doubt one of them is left wing.

Moreisnnogedag · 20/10/2018 12:19

I would say I have become more socialist/feminist as I get older. I am getting more aware of how half of our life is determined by luck and birth and have more understanding and belief in the welfare state etc.

PandaPandaPandaaaa · 20/10/2018 12:20

What you describe isn't right wing.

It's less idealistic, and yes, that does come with age.

MrsFezziwig · 20/10/2018 12:21

I’m sorry you feel sad, but what on earth has your change in attitude to do with being right wing?

It’s not nice to be taken for granted, but equally if you do something over a long period of time such as giving lifts then people do tend to come to expect it (that’s assuming they aren’t in a position to offer you a lift in return, of course). I would expect them to thank you every time but I wouldn’t expect them to act all pleased and surprised every time you offered. And being stopped by the police was presumably just one of those things, nobody’s fault.

I also wouldn’t volunteer for things if it made me lose opportunities for myself.

How old are you (I feel it may be relevant)?

AwdBovril · 20/10/2018 12:23

Many of the people I know in RL seem to have done this. One used to be a Lib Dem council member, now votes Tory, thinks poor people just need to "work harder". Has become increasingly bigoted (racist, homophobic, misogyny, etc etc. Never used to be.) I think it's partly because of a religious group this person is involved with, but I suspect that if the group wasn't already a good fit, they wouldn't go. They keep badgering me to go... never going to happen.

Hoppinggreen · 20/10/2018 12:25

I was quite Right Wing when younger
Member of Young Conservatives at Uni etc
However, as I have got older and I think more importantly had dc I find myself being a lot more compassionate and tolerant.
I would still describe myself as Right leaning but far less so than when I was younger

Seniorschoolmum · 20/10/2018 12:31

Experience makes us all a bit less generous, with good reason. It also depends on your own commitments.

Before I had dcs, I volunteered in search & rescue, turned out all hours, raised funds. Dcs made that impractical, cost of dcs meant work had to come first. These days I seldom have time to give people lifts etc.
When (if) I retire, I might go back to contributing more. Politics has nothing to do with it.

You aren’t cynical, you are putting you & your family first for a while.

SisterOfDonFrancisco · 20/10/2018 12:32

I don't think it has anything to do with political views.

pigsDOfly · 20/10/2018 12:34

Left wing doesn't automatically equal more caring and kind.

I've changed over the years, I suspect most people do. In my case I've become more politically aware and cynical, more vocal in my opinions and more willing to voice them as I don't care now whether people agree with me or what they think of me and my opinions. I think I do get angrier now, but in a good way because injustice annoys me more now than when I was younger.

I definitely haven't become more right wing, but at the same time I'm not left wing. Also I voted remain, which on MN, given my age, makes me a probably the only one of my generation to have done so.

YouTheCat · 20/10/2018 12:34

I'm a grumpy old cow but very left wing.

Firesuit · 20/10/2018 12:34

It is well-known that this happens. I think it is part of a wider phenomenon, where we start off with a relatively rosy view of the world, and then many of us lose some of those illusions.

For some reason the 2011 Japanese tsunami affected me. Watching those helicopter shots of the wave moving across the countryside, picking up and carrying off houses, overtaking moving vehicles on roads, for the first time in my life I viewed the human race as ants that could be wiped out in a moment. It was the first time I really felt (rather than just thought) that the existence of the whole human race a meaningless. I was nearly 50 when this happened, and I've felt a little different ever since.

It's a fact that depressed people see the world more realistically than people who are in perfect mental health.

Youthful optimism is not just a figure of speech. If you are a young, cheerful and left-wing, it's probably the case the your ability to perceive reality is less than it could be. Enjoy it while it lasts.

ginghamstarfish · 20/10/2018 12:39

Yes, I think there is some truth to it, as you grow older and gain more life experience, pay taxes and have responsibilities, you might feel differently than you did in your youth.

TenForward82 · 20/10/2018 12:47

That's not right wing. Unless your experience with giving lifts to people has translated to "all women and non-whites are scum".

Sceptimum · 20/10/2018 12:58

I've got more cynical, definitely, but I am getting more left wing by the day. I think I've got less selfish and self absorbed as I got older, generally. I hope so, at least.

Rebecca36 · 20/10/2018 12:59

I haven't become right wing but would definitely say I am less left wing now than when young.

MatildaTheCat · 20/10/2018 13:01

People definitely do have a tendency to become more conservative with a small c as they get older.

However I think they also get better at saying ‘no’ which seems more what you describe.

Neshoma · 20/10/2018 13:07

Absolutely,,,,,,but your OP didn't explain it very well (hence everyone jumping on you).

I think as you get older you tend to think 'what benefits me' instead of 'what benefits them'

TooManyPaws · 20/10/2018 13:12

As I've grown older, I'm even more of a feminist and left-winger than before. I remember before Thatcher when even the Tories believed in helping those less fortunate and I have become passionate and angry about the way that society and politics have become cruel and uncaring. I was Labour in youth but now Labour have moved to the right of me; the rot set in with the removal of Clause 4 (I remember a university essay on the importance of keeping key utilities and industries in state hands) and the influx of people who have never done any real work outside politics. Even my father was still a left-leaning Liberal when he died at 86.

What you seem to be describing is a loss of idealism rather than political feelings.

Fatasfook · 20/10/2018 13:16

Yes, I think as people get older they get more selfish, self centred, greedy and forget how to share. They forget joy, they become cynical and grumpy and nasty. It takes a strong person not to succumb to the evils of the world and most people are weak.

pigsDOfly · 20/10/2018 13:39

Good grief Fatasfook you clearly know some really nasty old folk.

I actually think I've become less selfish and happier as I've got older. I'm full of joy and am far from grumpy. I enjoy life and love to laugh.

Perhaps you need to start mixing with a different set of old people.

I suspect if you're very old and in pain all the time it would make you a bit tetchy and miserable, probably understandably. But otherwise I think miserable, nasty young people become miserable, nasty old people. And likewise joyful, pleasant young people tend to become joyful, pleasant old people.

Older people might become a tad cynical but do most of the really end up succumbing to the evils of the world, whatever that means.

AiryFairyUnicornRainbow · 20/10/2018 13:42

I think it is true OP.

In terms of politics...I think some of the left wing decisions of the past , are now biting us on the arse as a country...

People are now realising that we cannot help everyone and in trying to do so, we have left our own Country men, homeless and desperate in the streets...