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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To wonder if there is some truth in becoming more right wing as you age?

70 replies

callitamay · 20/10/2018 09:37

(And to worry I am turning into a grumpy old woman.)

I used to be very compassionate and caring. I attended church, volunteered for a charity, gave people lifts, went the extra mile in doing small things like buying batteries for a remote control for a disabled woman and listened kindly to friends’ troubles and other small examples that add up.

As I’ve got older, I’ve changed.

I’ve lost my faith for starters. I want to believe in God but I can’t. But also I feel like any ‘good deed’ attempted has backfired and hasn’t been appreciated. For example doing voluntary work has meant I’ve sacrificed my own time and lost opportunities because of that. Giving people lifts became expected and difficult and awkward if you politely tried to raise this. I was even stopped by the police once on the way back from dropping someone off - they were really nice but I don’t know.

As a result I’m cynical. I feel like I always believed the answer to a happy life was making others happy but it hasn’t really worked for me - I’m not unhappy exactly but things could be better. But I don’t know how to improve things either!

OP posts:

TokyoKyoto · 20/10/2018 13:44

Im not more right wing, but I am less generous with my time as there are a fair few people around who see people's time as having no value.

I am probably far more left wing actually (I can't vote Labour though as they are such a shower these days)!

Laureline · 20/10/2018 13:49

I think it’s simply that your tolerance for bullshit and wanky/rude behaviours goes down.

I vote mostly left by the way, but I have no patience for the far left - who can be just as stupid and bigoted as the far right on quite a lot of issues.

Moussemoose · 20/10/2018 13:50

I think a lot of the right wing decisions of the past are biting us on the arse. Privatisation of the railways. Selling council houses.

My politics remain very similar and as I grow older I give more back because I realise what a difference it can make.

GladAllOver · 20/10/2018 13:53

I was a proper little Tory as a teenager. But the more I've seen of the world the more I've moved to the left. Sitting in the middle atm.

KC225 · 20/10/2018 13:54

What about that old adage 'If you aren't a socialist at 20 you haven't got a soul but if you aren't a Tory at forty you haven't got a brain'

TokyoKyoto · 20/10/2018 13:57

KC225 that's proper bollocks though

SnuggyBuggy · 20/10/2018 13:57

I wonder if people being increasingly priced out of the housing market will stop some becoming right wing.

Hoosey · 20/10/2018 13:58

There is some truth in it and research has been done which I’m sure can be googled if anyone wants to check it out. IIRC they put it down to having a greater capitalist stake in society and having children making individuals more protective of their own bubble and less interested in others.

ThistleAmore · 20/10/2018 14:01

I think age and experience has replaced my idealism with realism, so to an extent, I agree: I'm certainly not the 'woke' SJW I was in my early 20s.

However, being a kick in the a*se away from 40 has also made me more broad-minded and in many ways empathetic. I now know that my 'lived experience' isn't that of anybody else.

I have concerns now that I didn't have when I was younger and I think I can also 'see through' some of the sillier, 'show pony' ideologies that troubled me in my younger years for what they are/were.

However, my politics are still left of centre, as are my voting habits, and I still believe in the fundamental principle of social justice.

I don't think age makes you more right wing per se, I just think it makes you reconsider the journey.

StaringDownTheBarrelOfFifty · 20/10/2018 14:03

Definitely hasn't happened to me. Have gone from right (because my parents were sheeep baaah baaah I know to more left.

MonteCarla · 20/10/2018 14:03

Yes, I think it happens, and it's easy to see why.

You have 'real life' experience, of things like how hard it is to earn money, what the struggles of daily life are. This then affects how you feel when you see people who aren't pulling their weight and/or who expect an easy ride.

AutumnMadness · 20/10/2018 14:03

I am definitely becoming more left wing with age. I recon that by the time I am 60, I will be plotting a communist revolution.

ShannonRockallMalin · 20/10/2018 14:04

It’s certainly true of my PILs. I have banned political discussions with them because it always ends in an argument. I know that they used to vote Labour in their younger days, but they are now shameless Mail readers and anti immigration. One of my MILs classic lines was ‘I was thinking about voting BNP...but they’re a bit extreme.’ We were

On the plus side, any conversation with them turns my usually middle of the road DH into a raging socialist, so perhaps it all balances out

CountessVonBoobs · 20/10/2018 14:04

I think there is some truth in it (although I don't think political beliefs are related to what you posted about).

But what also stands out to me is you seem to have hoped that altruistic acts would bring you tangible reward, in the form of thanks, opportunities etc. And of course sometimes if you're lucky it does, but mostly these things have to be their own reward.

I'm not 40 yet to be fair, but I'm nowhere near switching to vote Tory. I still have the same beliefs about politics, right and wrong as I ever did, but I'm better now at having boundaries and respecting my own needs. If anything, from life experience I've become more tolerant of how hard circumstances can make people behave very poorly/unreasonably.

AnnaNimmity · 20/10/2018 14:07

I'm still as left wing as ever.

Apparently 1.3m older people who voted for Brexit have now died (and there are an equivalent number of younger people who can now vote).

jasjas1973 · 20/10/2018 14:11

Was right wing as a youth early 20s, as i ve become more wealthy and older, i ve become far more socialist, i like JC's policies, even if i think he is a poor leader, then again in a european context, the Tories are similar to FN/AFD and Labour are more centre left (check out their manifesto's if you don't believe me)

I think the next generation will not follow the norm and will not become more right wing, as they'll have decades of Student loan repayments and few will own their house, esp as their parents will have to use their property for care needs.

Sallygoroundthemoon · 20/10/2018 14:21

What on earth has losing your faith and not doing favours for people got to do with believing in capitalism and freedom of the markets?

EssentialHummus · 20/10/2018 14:33

To some extent. I had my first "When I was your age..." moment with someone the other day. She was 27. I'm 32. I didn't say out loud what I was thinking about her work/housing/career situation, because I'd have sounded like Jacob Rees-Mogg.

peakydante · 20/10/2018 14:35

In my personal experience yes. I was very leftist/liberal/idealistic in my teens/twenties - then I grew up

Jokes aside OP I don't think what you described could be considered right wing. It sounds like cynicism to me... you feel taken advantaged of. There will always be people out there willing to take advantage of kind natured folk like yourself, don't let them harden you! Most people are very grateful for small acts of kindness - I know I find it touching when people do unnecessary kind things. Just today I was struggling to get my DDs buggy through a shop door while holding my toddler and a man ran across the road from his car to help me. I thought it was a lovely thing to do - he reduced my stress and made my day a little brighter.

I'm waffling now but just keep your faith in the overall goodness of humanity - that's all the faith you'll need

peakydante · 20/10/2018 14:37

Lol Autumn

Disquieted1 · 20/10/2018 14:38

The older I get the more I think that the solutions to people's problems come from within and not from society. I'm less tolerant of perpetual 'victims' who won't take responsibility for their own lives. They'd rather rail at how unfairly they've been treated rather than change their world.
Does this make me more right wing? Probably, on the left/right assessment of society/individual.

MimpiDreams · 20/10/2018 14:38

I'm the opposite. As I've got older I've become much more socialist. The knocks life has thrown at me have chipped away the hard sharp edges. I'm much more aware of all the struggling broken people around me. It breaks my heart that I can't fix them all.

HurricaneFliss · 20/10/2018 14:41

Not me. I was born left wing and will die left wing. The older I get, the more intolerant I am of poverty and injustice.

attentionspan · 20/10/2018 14:44

I've become far more cynical as I've got older. Mostly the realisation that those with the greatest wealth seem to be the ones who are most likely to want to hang onto it at all costs; while looking down on those less fortunate than themselves. They also appear to believe that poverty is a moral fault and largely self-inflicted.

MereDintofPandiculation · 20/10/2018 14:49

Also I voted remain, which on MN, given my age, makes me a probably the only one of my generation to have done so. I know you're not the only one, and the number may be higher than you think. MN seems to have a higher proportion of graduates than the general population, and among graduates, it's estimated that 80% of young graduates voted remain, and 70% of graduates over 65.

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