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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To ask if you would consider this

75 replies

moncr · 20/10/2018 08:57

Have been offered a job that pays more than my current one.

However it is in a different area of the country. I’ve had a look on Rightmove and I couldn’t really afford to buy anywhere.

I am wondering if it’s worth taking the job and coming ‘home’ at weekends/holidays?

WWYD?

OP posts:
MrsReacher1 · 20/10/2018 09:29

You asked for advice. I think that it is exhausting and unsustainable for longer than a year - two at most - (I have done it and I have also been the person at home when my partner did it). I would do it for the first year to see how I liked the new job/place and to give DC the chance to finish studies and/or think about their next step - and aim to make a permanent move, (or not), this time next year.

Your DC will more than likely fly the nest within a year or two, (unless there is something you are not telling us). If you are nearer 50 than 40 your employability decines very fast after this. Grab the opportunity to earn more, do something that you are good at, make a change.

If you don't want to, fair enough - but if you do want to don't let the circumstances stop you.

category12 · 20/10/2018 09:31

If it's a job you're excited about and would give you opportunities, then doing it for 2 years or so might be worthwhile. If it's not something you're feeling excited about and the place you'll be feels you with dread then no. But if it's a nice city or area that has loads to do, so you wouldn't just be stuck in a room every weekday evening, then why not?

Peridot1 · 20/10/2018 09:35

It depends on how much more than your current one it pays. If it is a lot more and makes it worthwhile to pay for accommodation where the new job is while still keeping your original home and it’s a step up career wise it might be worth it for a couple of years.

There is a lot to weigh up.

IABURQO · 20/10/2018 09:37

I used to do this in my 20s, except that work paid for the "away" flat. It was utterly exhausting to have to travel every week, get home only to do laundry and repack etc. I think it's a terrible idea.

RandomMess · 20/10/2018 09:39

Can you rent your room out at home Mon-Fri?

RandomMess · 20/10/2018 09:39

A 3 hour trek each way every weekend is not fun or easily sustainable! Can you do the journey on the train?

Thenewdoctor · 20/10/2018 09:40

I wouldn’t rent out a room with my 20 year old still at home. That would seem like a recipe for a disaster to me.

Original poster
moncr · 20/10/2018 09:42

The train would cost over £200 - it would be nice though Smile

OP posts:
category12 · 20/10/2018 09:45

If the jump in pay isn't enough to make the costs of a weekly commute palatable, then it's no good.

DieAntword · 20/10/2018 09:47

I don’t understand why you need to come home on weekends unless you’re planning on sleeping in your car. Surely either way you have to manage two households?

AstralTraveller · 20/10/2018 09:50

But you'll be no better off financially so what would be the point unless it was a rung up and you were planning to go rungs higher?

Original poster
moncr · 20/10/2018 09:50

Well, there are some rooms that are available on a Monday-Friday basis and as such are slightly cheaper.

Also, I don’t really want to live in a house share; I could tolerate it through the week if I knew I was going ‘home.’

OP posts:
DieAntword · 20/10/2018 09:53

Could you use the situation to negotiate for more money? Say you can’t take the job unless you can afford to rent a studio locally and keep up your family home?

Nousernameforme · 20/10/2018 09:54

Does the 20 year old have a friend that could move in with them rather than a random lodger and have them cover the rent between them. That way you would be able to live away full time.

At 20 providing they aren't in full time education they are more than capable (unless theres a drip feed coming) of looking after themselves

Dollymixture22 · 20/10/2018 09:55

I would find it a bit depressing to live in a rented room during the week and only get home at weekends. It would have to be an amazing job, and the jump in pay would have to be significant.

What would you do in the evenings? Would you spend your life living out of a suitcase? Would you start to dread the Sunday night trip?

I did this after uni - I remember never very having the right stuff in the right place and wishing I had my own bed to fall into after a tough day. Missing the little luxuries of home. It’s tough so it really needs to be worth it!!

grumpy4squash · 20/10/2018 09:56

How much more would you be earning? Would it offset the costs?

Original poster
moncr · 20/10/2018 09:56

I know; these are the downsides, definitely.

It’s hard to say.

OP posts:
Original poster
moncr · 20/10/2018 09:57

It’s a big pay difference of nearly £10,000

OP posts:
category12 · 20/10/2018 10:01

Also, depends how 20 yr old would be in your absence - realistically, would you come home at the weekends and have to spend them cleaning up and buying in shopping, or would you come home to food in the fridge and peaceful home?

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 20/10/2018 10:04

Can you negotiate any working from home days? Then a B&B for the rest. You might be able to agree a reduced rate for a regular booking.

HuggedtheRedwoods · 20/10/2018 10:05

If I was getting a good opportunity with the new job and not financially worse off with the added expenses I would do it. There are still few windows in time for many women to be able to do this (between constraints of young dependants, elderly care, age discrimination, heck..even pets that can't be uprooted if you live alone).

Whats the worse than could happen? 12 months down the line you might want to apply for a job back home again, but you would still have your own home to return to and a little extra on your cv.

Does your line of work lend itself to compressed hours or homeworking say once a week or fortnight even that could help reduce your time away? Dont be shy of asking your prospective employer about flexible working.

Trains - jump on the advance fares as soon as they come out and also look into the savings of 'split ticketing'.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 20/10/2018 10:06

Also, have you worked out the pay increase after tax? If higher rate, it might not be as much as you think.

DerelictWreck · 20/10/2018 10:09

Surely if your adult child is 20 then they're paying at least some of the rent at home? Could they not take on the tenancy so you can afford to rent in the new city?

5Makes9 · 20/10/2018 10:09

How much of the extra pay would be swallowed up with extra tax, NI, travel or renting a room in the week?

I’d be more likely to do it if there were long term prospects of promotion and I felt I’d be able to rent a permenant place or buy within 18 months to 2 years.

DieAntword · 20/10/2018 10:09

So it’s about 500-666 extra a month?

How much is a studio and a room in a houseshare in the area?

If it’s London then rent+commute will eat all the extra whatever so on a purely financial basis it doesn’t seem worth it.

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