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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

AIBU OH

30 replies

NotSoThinLizzy · 20/10/2018 06:50

Sorry if it's a long one.
So I was planning on splitting with OH a while back but we decided to try harder to make it work but I'm so disappointed.
Tuesday night me and the 2 kids (1 year old and 9 year old) went away and came home Friday night. He's going out drinking tonight after work and won't be home tonight. I wanted him to get up and sort DS breakfast this morning so I could get an extra hour in bed before he has to start getting ready for work. He says he's tierd. I was up and down all night with DS as he has a cold. He's had a break from the kids for days on end and hasn't spend anytime with them at all since we've been back. AIBU to want to shake him and tell him he's a shit dad. I'm basically a single parent. Just wanted a moan really I can't keep living like this.
Thanks if you made it this far 😊

OP posts:
Original poster
NotSoThinLizzy · 20/10/2018 06:54

Sorry it was in paragraphs before I posted

OP posts:
Awrite · 20/10/2018 07:02

Well, you've given him his chance. Time to get serious about leaving.

He can be a shit Dad if he likes but you don't have to live with resentment by facilitating it.

WhiteCoyote · 20/10/2018 07:03

What would be harder, leaving him or spending the rest of your life miserable?

Biancadelriosback · 20/10/2018 07:04

Did you discuss the getting up arrangements before this morning? Was he out celebrating a special occasion? He sounds quite selfish tbh. If you're not happy ltb.

Original poster
NotSoThinLizzy · 20/10/2018 07:05

Honestly I don't like to be alone and don't even know how I would be. All my friends are his friends. Just seen he's been sat posting stuff on facebook 😡🤬 instead of sleeping

OP posts:
PirateShaped · 20/10/2018 07:06

He is acting selfishly. Tell him so.

SnuggyBuggy · 20/10/2018 07:17

I don't know if I'm being old fashioned but surely people with young kids shouldn't be going out drinking.

Original poster
NotSoThinLizzy · 20/10/2018 07:19

Just seems like he wants nothing to do with them. I've wasted nearly 10 years of my life to him

OP posts:
agirlhasnonameX · 20/10/2018 07:24

10 years of your life is a long time.
I'm sure you know but couples need to work that bit harder when they have kids.
Have you tried to speak to him and explain how much it's dragging you down to have to do all the work? He really needs to step up.
This happened with my ex. Sounds similar as he was also very lazy, would never get up with DDs and would complain he was tired when I'd been up all night with them. But we argued a lot too and relationship was generally shit.
He needs a wake up call OP x

Original poster
NotSoThinLizzy · 20/10/2018 07:31

Thank you. Yes we've spoken about it loads of times. And he was doing better at one point. Now it's all my fault because I'm still breastfeeding is on of the excuses. And I swear that when you ask him to do something he will fuck it up big time so he smdosent have to do it again

OP posts:
Original poster
NotSoThinLizzy · 20/10/2018 07:40

So trying to get wee one settled again and he comes down turns on all the lights and makes a shit ton of noise....do I have permission to throttle him?

OP posts:
Alfie19 · 20/10/2018 07:44

I think I am missing something. Is he not allowed a night out? Perhaps he didn’t chose the day. And I don’t think it is very reasonable for you to complain about him not getting up because you want a lie in. He may or may not be pulling his weight, I don’t know, but based solely on what you have posted, I don’t get it.

Biancadelriosback · 20/10/2018 07:45

@Snuggybuggy why?

SnuggyBuggy · 20/10/2018 07:54

It just seems at odds with having small kids. Besides I wouldn't trust a 1 year old to keep quiet whilst I was sleeping off a hangover.

Nottheduchessoftransiyvaniaaaa · 20/10/2018 07:57

snuggy buggy of course people with young kids can go out drinking! Grin

SnuggyBuggy · 20/10/2018 07:59

Obviously there is no law preventing it, I just think it would be a bit annoying for the other parent if the other was getting shitfaced on a regular basis.

Biancadelriosback · 20/10/2018 08:03

@snuggybuggy but no one has suggested that only one parent gets to go out drinking regularly and not the other?

Original poster
NotSoThinLizzy · 20/10/2018 08:05

That's my point he had a night off for 4 days and the Saturday before we left he went out drinking. I don't mind if it every so often but the fact he's not seen his kids and would rather go drinking is what's annoying me. He never does anything with the kids he always on the bloddy Xbox or his phone.

OP posts:
Forgotmycoat · 20/10/2018 08:51

Why are you still with him? What is it doing to your dc to have their dad disengaging with them on a regular basis? It's harming them. At least if you officially ended this non-relationship then he would have to do some parenting during his contact time.

Original poster
NotSoThinLizzy · 20/10/2018 10:52

Suppose I'm hoping he would change. 10 years is a long time to be with someone. We got to gather when we was 16 I've not known anything else

OP posts:
HeebieJeebies456 · 20/10/2018 13:05

I've not known anything else

....and you'll never know anything else - or better- if you give in to fear of the unknown.
You really want to spend the rest of your life like this?

Original poster
NotSoThinLizzy · 20/10/2018 13:37

I know it's just taking that leap to start with. I don't think I could do anything untill after Xmas as have DD bday next month

OP posts:
Laureline · 20/10/2018 13:44

He selfish and lazy and brings nothing to your life (and probably creates additional work). Do you want this for the rest of your life?

Original poster
NotSoThinLizzy · 20/10/2018 21:03

So guys an update for any still reading. We've had a talk and will give things to the end of January because of commitments. And we are going to "try" harder. We'll see

OP posts:
justilou1 · 21/10/2018 01:45

Wonder what his next excuse will be when you’re no longer breastfeeding?

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