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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

AIBU to totally lose my shit

55 replies

Whiskeywithwater · 19/10/2018 22:30

With my DD .. who has lost her entire school sports kit on train tonight??

I have only just replaced her school swimming stuff she had previously left on train ... at a ridiculous cost of £60 as costume had to be bought through official supplier - daylight robbery. Just priced up replacing this lot at £205

Feel bloody awful - she was sobbing her heart out, but seriously - £265 of lost kit in 6 weeks, and that’s not including the 4 lunch boxes lost in previous couple of years and untold water bottles.

For context, she’s in year 9 and coming up 14. Should she not have some more responsibility by now. She’s offered her savings to pay for it. I’m tempted to take it - not forever, but keep it for a couple of months to teach her a lesson

OP posts:

boolala12 · 19/10/2018 23:12

I'd take half her money she needs to learn to be less careless

ohello · 19/10/2018 23:13

Also, when she gets on the train and sits down, does the bag go in the exact same spot every day? If not, have her start doing that. When the train gets close to her stop, does she pick up and hold the bag in the exact same way?

The idea, is to turn the procedure for carrying/storing/etc bag into a habit that she doesn't have to think about.

Ginormoustrawberry · 19/10/2018 23:18

Your DD obviously has a few attention issues right now for whatever reason - maybe anxiety, maybe undiagnosed inattentive-ADHD (doesn’t have to be hyperactive and often isn’t in girls), maybe something else on her mind. So why have a pop at her for something she can’t seem to help? She knows she’s cost you money and she’s probably mortified

Wow - DD carelessly leaves £200 worth of kit on a train and you suggest ADHD? There is so much wrong with tha5 I don’t know where to start!

OP - make her pay.

Pinkyyy · 19/10/2018 23:19

I think that she will continue to not take care of things until she sees the value in them. Taking the money from her for the kit and then giving it back at a later date seems fair and hopefully seeing her money go due to her negligence may be a bit of a wake-up. It was an accident so in my eyes it would be harsh to keep it, but explain to her that in future it will be at her own expense

ReadMyLipss · 19/10/2018 23:28

Maybe you need to sit down with her and come up with practical strategies/train her to help her to remember to bring her belongings with her each time she's moving from one place to another.

She's obviously not doing it on purpose but it's a life skill she really needs to learn.

FunnysInLaJardin · 19/10/2018 23:30

YABU to lose your shit. You are the adult here. However YANBU to be pissed off.

DS1 has lost his PE kit so many times in yr 7 I have lost count.

Left it on the bus, at school, at the bus stop. Usually eventually managed to find most of it, but not always.

Now in yr 8 we have said if he loses it again and doesn't find it he has to buy a replacement out of his own money.

So far he has left it at school twice and managed to find it again the next day...

She needs to pay for a replacement if she can't find it at the station lost property

AlpacaLypse · 19/10/2018 23:34

Am I the only person who's picked up that the missing bag was logo-ed Superdry? So it was the bag that was the target for the scumbags who filched it, not the contents.

Worth looking along route of bus/train for the dumped contents. Its worked a couple of times out here in Ruralshire on main bus and car traffic routes when cars have been smashed and grabbed while we've been walking the dogs.

joiningmum · 19/10/2018 23:35

I have poor EF skills and medical issues and lose and forget things a lot, it's so upsetting and frustrating when you can't help it (for whatever reason).

Is there anything she could do as a habit to try and remember it? Is the journey long or could she just always keep that bag on? or leave it in school? A reminder alarm set a few minutes before the train is due to get in each time?

I left my bag at the train station this summer, luckily I managed to call quickly when I realised and it was still there. It's always worth phoning ASAP to get things back.

I wonder if places would ever check CCTV for high value items?

HeddaGarbled · 19/10/2018 23:36

The children and teenagers I know who are perpetually losing things, rather than occasionally, do have a specific learning difficulty, usually dyslexia, dyspraxia or ADD. She needs strategies, not punishment.

IcanMooCanYou · 19/10/2018 23:36

Wow - DD carelessly leaves £200 worth of kit on a train and you suggest ADHD? There is so much wrong with tha5 I don’t know where to start!

Having worked with a number of girls with ADHD, it was the first thing that came to my mind too, especially as the op listed all the previous lost things. May not be obviously- op will know her daughter best but from the limited info there, I can't understand "there is so much wrong with this" as a possible reason for someone who clearly has organisational issues.

Of course- she could have just been careless and distracted.

I also wouldn't be spending money on a Superdry bag for someone known to lose things- but that's just me

Gemini69 · 19/10/2018 23:36

make her pay to replace it...

joiningmum · 19/10/2018 23:37

Replace with a cheap bag too, no point losing expensive stuff :( Unfortunate that there is no cheap alternative for school stuff.

cricketmum84 · 19/10/2018 23:41

I don't think I would take her money tbh. But I would be making her repay in other ways I.e chores and ironing for a few weeks! She sounds like she is upset enough as it is.

If it makes you feel any better my 14yo went through a phase of doing this but (touch wood) hasn't left anything on the bus for a while now. Worst one was when he left his bag with his house keys and our address written in his planner. We had to change all the locks which cost a fortune.

searose · 19/10/2018 23:44

I loose things all the time and was even worse when I was a child. its not deliberate its best not to stress too much. Does the school have second hand sales of uniform? Remind her every day to look before she leaves the train to ensure she has everything.

awesmum · 19/10/2018 23:52

My DS was forever loosing EVERYTHING, rugby shirt the first week of school, even had his teacher say to me she was brought his trousers one lunch time, she was terrified what he was wandering around in. Surprisingly enough when I said he had to replace everything he lost himself- he never lost another thing.

Pebblespony · 19/10/2018 23:55

I used to lose stuff all the time. My mother used to make me feel really guilty. I still lost stuff but became terrified to tell her.

PickAChew · 19/10/2018 23:56

If you're confident she's just careless without any explanatory pathology , I'd let her do the detentions for not having the correct kit.

Welshmaiden85 · 19/10/2018 23:59

Any chance it would be covered under house insurance? I left something on the train and was surprised to find we were insured.

Saracen · 20/10/2018 00:04

Stop buying her expensive bags which are going to be a target for thieves. You reckon the sports kit won't get handed in at lost property because it's in a posh bag. So you are contributing to the problem.

BlackberryandNettle · 20/10/2018 00:14

There are lost property offices for items left on trains. Definitely one at Euston for example. I'd be angry too with repeated carelessness.

mellicauli · 20/10/2018 00:25

My son is also 14 and something like this happens every month. It drives me mad. He lost his shoes, then borrowed his dad's shoes next day and lost those too. He has bought trainers and shirts in the school shop then just lost them immediately. Last week he lost his bag I said he'd gave to pay for a replacement . Funnily enough that turned up at lost property the next day. Do try train lost property, you never know.

kateandme · 20/10/2018 00:31

if you can afford to pay for it without her saving perhaps you could pick one thing she has to pay for out her saving and the rest she works off with chores etc but that she has to do them in order not to pay with her savings.
I bet she feels like crap.if she doesn't then obviously that goes towards how you go forward and how you react.if she made a mistake then let the anger go if you can.if she is doing things like this all the time then...that needs more thought.
id phone the station if you can though.you never know with these things.

malificent7 · 20/10/2018 00:31

Sounds like teen brain for the. Very annoying but it is a thing...bit like baby brain...for teens.

malificent7 · 20/10/2018 00:32

Brain fog sorry.

Dd is similar...

roundbottomflask · 20/10/2018 00:33

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

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