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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To bleach my daughter’s hair?

69 replies

hooveringhamabeads · 19/10/2018 22:21

My dd is 14 and is desperate to dye her hair lilac. She has quite dark brown hair so it would need to be bleached first.

In principle, I don’t have a problem with this, she is home educated due to ASD and so no issues with school not allowing it.

However, for insurance reasons salons won’t bleach her hair as she’s under 16. She is CONSTANTLY banging on about getting it done, and has been for ages. So this leaves the option of doing it at home. I have never bleached my own hair so I have no idea what I’m doing, or how straightforward it would be. I’ve warned her that I’m no hairdresser but this hasn’t put her off.

Is this a terrible idea? Any advice appreciated.

OP posts:
Original poster
hooveringhamabeads · 19/10/2018 22:45

I don’t think temporary colours would do anything to change the colour. You’ve all definitely put me off attempting the bleach myself though!

OP posts:
Jaxhog · 19/10/2018 22:45

Buy her a cheap lilac wig.

Original poster
hooveringhamabeads · 19/10/2018 22:47

She has talked about wigs but I don’t think she’d be brave enough to walk around wearing one day to day.

OP posts:
BrutusMcDogface · 19/10/2018 22:48

It's long enough to be able to do the bottom few inches and chop it off if it goes wrong! Discuss it with her and tell her everything that could go wrong so that she can't say it's all your fault!

MrMeSeeks · 19/10/2018 22:52

Hairdresser, unless you know what you’re doing it could go wrong.
She could end up with ginger patchy hair.
You need a correct toner along with bleach and even then it may not work ( and it will not go pure white blonde in one process)

Missingstreetlife · 19/10/2018 22:52

Just no, it will look awful growing out too

MrMeSeeks · 19/10/2018 22:53

The lilac will also fade very quickly, espically as she will have bleached it first to put the lillac in, it may only last a few washes.

Theimpossiblegirl · 19/10/2018 22:56

Other options are available- hair chalks (like art pastels), an ombre kit or I think they're called hair feathers- like a coloured extension, often with glittery bits.

I wouldn't bleach a whole head of lovely hair at that age, tbh. It will go wrong and she will blame you. :)

Aquamarine1029 · 19/10/2018 22:59

Please don't ruin her gorgeous hair. It's one thing to put a bit of full washout colour on it, but to bleach it and make it look trashy and horrible would be a crime.

Branleuse · 19/10/2018 23:00

How about one of the live colour purples. Theyre permanent and quite brights.

PikaPikaTink · 19/10/2018 23:00

I think ruining your own hair with home bleaching is a rite of passage for teenage girls. I would just let her get on with it and help but let her be in charge so she can't blame you when it goes orange.

CharlesChickens · 19/10/2018 23:01

It is really, really difficult to get hair like your dds to lilac without utterly wrecking the hair. Even in a hairdressers. She will have brittle , damaged hair afterwards.
I used to help my flatmate dye her hair red, her natural colour was almost black. It took all day ! Pre bleaching, then applying the red. She had ( well, she still has) beautiful, thick strong hair. So she was ok, as it didn’t need to go white first, just be lifted enough for the red to show as her natural colour is so dark.
Going from dark or mid brown to lilac is very hard. Red would be easier, but really she is so young, and the dyes can be harsh on young skin, I wouldn’t risk it.

FlirtyRomanticToast · 19/10/2018 23:03

Another thing to consider - even if all goes perfectly well and you achieve the lilac shade, a light shade on dark hair is going to be a right pain the arse in upkeep. There will be root regrowth within two weeks which will be very obvious with dark hair.

I love coloured hair but the maintenance of it seriously puts me off.

70isaLimitNotaTarget · 19/10/2018 23:04

The Hairdressing Federation, the profession's own body, goes further.

It tells its members that hair colour products should never be applied to anyone under the age of 16

There's a reason for this ^^

Your DD is 14yo.
The answer is "no" and as the adult that's the answer you give her.

My 16yo wanted to dye her hair (darker ) I gave her a semi-permenant dye , made her do a patch test and strand test and wait 48 hours before I helped her.

No bloody way would she be allowed bleach on her scalp (and I'm quite lax , my DD has several piercings including her belly button) .

CheshireChat · 19/10/2018 23:08

I've bleached my pure black hair at home and it was absolutely fine so don't understand the panic.

You can also dye it back to a darker colour in case it doesn't look right, obviously the hair will still be damaged to an extent.

I'd just do the tips for now, easier to sort out and it'll tell you how her hair reacts to bleach in general.

SundayGirls · 19/10/2018 23:10

It's incredibly difficult for even some trained professional hairdressers to bleach hair correctly. It's a bad idea for a home dye job. Home box bleach will likely not lift to the necessary blonde required (but will be orange instead) also bleached hair is damaged hair and it requires maintenance and careful treatment not to snap off or look terrible. But just decent placement of the bleach is as hard as achieving the right lift of blonde.

I second the clip-in extensions and also "bleached hair gone wrong" vids online.

DistanceCall · 19/10/2018 23:15

Tell her the truth: the hair salon won't do it until she's 16, and you don't know how to do it properly, so her hair and scalp would be burnt.

You wouldn't pierce her ears or navel yourself, for example, or give her a tattoo. This is the same sort of thing.

notgivingin789 · 19/10/2018 23:18

It will ruin her hair in the long run.

Original poster
hooveringhamabeads · 19/10/2018 23:23

Thanks for all the replies. She just appeared in my room and I told her about this thread and that basically it was a no go, and she just said ‘ok’. Then she said maybe she could get a wig, and I said I would buy her one if she finds one she likes. She’s just skipped off happily to browse wigs online. ❤️ her.

OP posts:
GhengisCalm · 19/10/2018 23:27

If there was any chance that she would try and do it herself I would let her.

Could she pass for 16 or is she a young looking 14 year old? I would rather take my chances with a hairdresser than her trying herself.

chocolatefoxes · 19/10/2018 23:27

Perhaps you could try a lilac balayage/ dip-dye and then if it goes wrong she could just cut the ends off?

joiningmum · 19/10/2018 23:28

Clip ins, extensions or hair chalk? My DC has an even darker colour and wants purple but we've not been successful with chalk - yet a friend got some in the US that worked great on her kids black hair. I guess some must be better quality than others?

I had mine dyed in the hairdressers at 14-15, my hair was a bit lighter and it was blonde streaks. I'm not sure how damaging bleach would be on the ends of hair in a holistic sense, but i'd be more tempted to bleach the bottom 4 inches and dye it purple and then it could always be cut off with little impact. Full head bleach is a risk.

letsgetreadytosamba · 19/10/2018 23:36

I died mine (patchy) black at 19 then my dad helped me bleach it (he literally stirred my hair with a wooden spoon, it was awful). It went tangerine, not even ginger. I didn’t end up with decent hair for almost 3 years until I’d wound up on chemo (unrelated obv!) and my hair had grown back in. Had it not been for the chemo it would have taken longer to grow out!

In short, don’t do it 😊 she sounds like a smashing wee lassie if she’s happy to look at wigs. Hair chalk is a good call too.

hannnnnnnxo · 19/10/2018 23:39

Good quality wigs are actually fabulous and a decent option. Think kylie jenner when she changes hair colour etc.

DerelictWreck · 19/10/2018 23:41

Salons will absolutely bleach under 16 hair, otherwise no teenager would have highlights etc...

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