So bit of background DS7 has always soared academically, but has always struggled socially and emotionally. He came on leaps and bounds last year but has really slipped back this half term - very negative about himself at home, and gets very angry about 'not doing things well enough'. We have discussed with school ASD but was advised he'd be unlikely to get a diagnosis...
So for parents evening his confidence and self esteem was my prime focus of discussion.
First sat down and immediately was told he is very bright, in all top sets etc. But the whole tone was just felt negative. Comments such as XXX doesn't listen, he doesn't conform, he's a loner (those actual words), he lacks confidence (almost said with contempt though). I was quite upset by the force of it, but when I asked about strategies to support him, was told he didn't need any he just needed to grow up. I was then left quite cross when I read his books, there were NO positive comments or feedback. It was either a green tick (I assume means good) or comments such as 'XXX, I expect much more of you', 'XXX, this is NOT good enough', 'XXX, you must do better'... no advice how to achieve these things, just those comments. I struggle to understand how this is seen as a good strategy to support a child who a) is identified as very bright but b) who is known in the school as anxious and highly self critical with suspected ASD.
There was this one bit which really upset me. A mostly nicely written page of a story where there were a couple of errors towards the end. The work got marked half way through and a couple of big red circles put around a couple of minor errors. DS had got so upset with the work that there was this massive angry cross through the whole work, really scribbled heavily with the hand. I asked about this incident. The ONLY comment from the teacher was that she pointed this out as an example where DS doesn't listen - because work should only have a single line through it if wrong. I said surely the focus here is a 7 year old is really so upset with his work which obviously took ages that he puts a huge angry cross through all of it. Nope she was just annoyed he didn't put a single line.
I just don't understand how a teacher can on one hand say he's very bright but confidence is an issue, and then not reflect on the type of feedback she gives the child. And this is the language we now have DS talking about himself at home, saying 'he's' not good enough', 'must do better', 'must try harder'.
I've been happy with school up till now and my other son is thriving there. This is a new teacher and only recently qualified - I will be speaking to head-teacher after half term - but how would you proceed? what strategies can I suggest to them to more positively support DS? What can I do at home to counter this?