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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

Annoyed at woman who gave DS chocolate and crisps in the park

63 replies

Eastie77 · 19/10/2018 19:44

Took DS (2) and older DD to the park today. DS was sleeping in his buggy while DD played. He woke up and was sitting contentedly watching everyone play. I went over to help DD with something and returned barely a minute later to find DS holding a bag of Wotsits and a bar of chocolate. The woman sitting next to me on the bench had given them to him. I have never met or spoken to this woman before. She had a young child with her and a large bag of snacks. I took the chocolate and crisps from DS and politely gave them back to her saying "thanks, he's already had his snacks today and it's his dinner time soon". She then proceeded to ignore me and hand both items back to him! I took them from him and this time forcefully said we did not want them to which she replied "why can't he have them, what's the problem?". I repeated what I had said earlier. She tutted and rolled her eyes .

At first I was just a bit bemused by it all but as the afternoon wore on I became really annoyed as I saw her attempting to hand out various snacks to other kids. Several parents intervened and said no but there were some kids who were on their own/parents not in view who took the chocolates etc. DP thinks I am completely over-reacting but I really don't know who in their right mind would just hand that kind of stuff out to a child they do not know? She had no idea if a child was allergic to anything in any of the items she was giving out.

Btw I don't think there was anything remotely sinister about her (so no need for me to log a call with 101 ) but I do think I should have said something to her...

OP posts:

BewareOfDragons · 19/10/2018 21:23

My DD had a diagnosed nut allergy by the age of 2. And I know lots of other children with nut and egg allergies. I would have flipped out that ANY stranger would think that's appropriate behaviour.

Notquiteagandt · 19/10/2018 21:29

Was she asian? I have asian friends whos older family members do this sort of thing. Its a cultural thing.

Remember being sat next to an elderly asian lady once on a plane whod bought a picnic to feed the 10 thousand and insisted on feeding me up during the journey.

However as someone with multiple allergys I can see the danger in this.

Whilst im sure it was well meaning and no mallace. Not everyones as nice. So ai certainly wouldnt make accepting things off strangers appear acceptible to my kids.

DoYouLikeBasghetti · 19/10/2018 21:36

I've only ever offered a kid sweets once. Little boy dropped his lolly and was really upset. I had a bag full of stocking filler sweets so I asked his parents if it was ok to offer some. No way would I have given without the parents' permission!

Original poster

Eastie77 · 19/10/2018 22:07

She wasn't Asian. I would guess Middle Eastern. I understand the cultural angle but if I went abroad and didn't something 'culturally British' I would stop if it was clear that it wasn't acceptable. The woman walked around and handed out crisps and chocolates to children. Several parents/carers gave them back yet she continued. Some children who were unattended took them.

I know we teach children not to take anything from strangers but I think children think of strangers as scary looking men. This was a smiling woman with a child of her own so I can see why some children would have taken sweets from her.

OP posts:

SunshinenSparkles · 19/10/2018 22:24

My DP has always been allergic to E101 through to E110. This includes most coloured cheeses, wotsits, orange (or sometimes red) sweets, Irn Bru, Red Cola, Jaffa cakes, anything with annatto.

He's fine with some of this stuff now he is in his 30s but some we won't even risk because the reaction causes his tongue and throat to swell up.

He had these allergies from birth so randoms giving out sweeties and crisps could have been very serious for him. I can't understand in this day and age, that anyone would think it was ok and be confident enough to take that risk.

I think most primary schools are completely nut free nowadays so that in itself should be a good indicator that allergies are real and we should be wary of feeding random children without a parent's consent.

Jaxhog · 19/10/2018 22:50

It's a kind of assault really. To hand them to your DS a second time is pretty strange. I'm guessing she meant well though.

Maelstrop · 19/10/2018 23:41

Weird, especially to try to insist when you said no. I go nuts if people try to give my dog food, let alone the dc!

Fucksgiven · 19/10/2018 23:45

Perhaps keep your 2 year old in sight in future? At least she only wanted to show misplaced kindness. Could have ended up much worse

FredMerc · 20/10/2018 10:13

OP I always hated in the allergy section on school forms writing "wotsits" it seemed such madness and a totally random thing to write, but he never reacted again to any other foods and it was a bad reaction. Could have been the food colouring but I'm sure something else would have triggered it at some point if that was the case.

@SunshinenSparkles my little DS aged 4 started school in August, he has a nut and peanut allergy, we don't know how bad it is and I've been told by the school they won't ban nuts as it's for him to manage! And that in theory a child could bring a peanut butter sandwich in for lunch and sit next to him and eat it! I "thought" most primary schools were nut free until he started.

SunshinenSparkles · 20/10/2018 10:36

@FredMerc That's ridiculous! They should absolutely be helping to keep him safe at school!

My 3 year old attends nursery at a primary school and the whole school is nut free, they have signs on the doors to let people know. Mine doesn't have allergies but I'm glad the school take it seriously for all the kiddies that do.

Poodletip · 20/10/2018 22:23

@FredMerc they are right to say that they can't guarantee a nut-free school in that it is impossible to police completely. That said, they certainly can still ask that people don't bring nuts into school. It would at least reduce the risk considerably even if it doesn't eliminate it. I think most schools do that, ours certainly does.

GabsAlot · 21/10/2018 00:01

aboslutely rude and dont kids learn not to take things from strangers anymore?

never mind u asked her not to id be so embarased that id upset someone

Cherries101 · 21/10/2018 00:52

The woman is very likely to have been Hindu (alot of Indians are indistinguishable from Middle Easterns). Diwali is coming up soon and there have been festivals beforehand - it’s considered ‘good luck’ to hand out sweets and chocolates to kids. When you declined she might have thought you were being polite. The appropriate thing to do in this instance was be honest and tell her why you won’t accept them.

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