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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Neighbors garden

43 replies

Paddington23 · 19/10/2018 18:19

What can I do neighbor who is in her 70s we think garden is over grown it coming over our fence and is right up to her back garden door and it’s all over her greenhouse. She can’t even open her back door whole garden is covered not an inch uncovered with weeds plants and trees. Are fence is now leaning over and will need replacing. Where happy to clear it for her but don’t want to embarrass her any tips on what you would do. Would we be unreasonable to speak to solicitor if she won’t agree to us clearing it

OP posts:
crimsonlake · 19/10/2018 18:22

I think we need a photo to judge for ourselves.

KC225 · 19/10/2018 18:25

A woman in her 70s will be more emabarassed at receiving a solicitor's letter. Why not offer to do it for her? What is your relationship with her like in general? Just knock and ask if you can chop the stuff coming into your garden and tipping your fence, then take it from there.

LIZS · 19/10/2018 18:27

If the fence needs replacing could you use that as a reason to "help" her trim it? Keep it friendly as she may physically struggle to keep on top of it herself and be able to ask for help.

DoYouLikeBasghetti · 19/10/2018 18:29

Be tactful! But she's probably really embarrassed about it and would be glad of help.

Autumnchill · 19/10/2018 18:50

We moved into a property with an elderly neighbour. We offered our assistance and tidied her garden for her as wasn't capable on keeping on top of it.

Are there any local charities that could perhaps help? Group of people hitting it in a day would probably help them immensely (assuming they accept assistance)

Thenewdoctor · 19/10/2018 18:51

Can you not just knock and say you’d love to help her out and clear it?

whyamisoconfused · 19/10/2018 18:55

If you own the fence could you approach her from the point that you can't afford to replace it so would she mind you doing some cutting back - and then scalp the garden

megletthesecond · 19/10/2018 19:00

See if there's a neighbourhood care team in your area. They might be able to support her.
Some charities provide cheap gardening services too.

Enterthewolves · 19/10/2018 19:15

There is a charity that sets up garden shares between people with gardens - who can’t manage them, and people who want to garden but don’t have one. Maybe you could have a chat offer to help a bit and then recommend this scheme? She would be able to keep the garden maintained and enjoy it - and do would someone else.

Enterthewolves · 19/10/2018 19:15

Oops would help if I gave you the link; www.lendandtend.com

Original poster
Paddington23 · 19/10/2018 19:51

Her garden

Neighbors garden
Neighbors garden
OP posts:
donquixotedelamancha · 19/10/2018 23:49

Where happy to clear it for her but don’t want to embarrass her

Would we be unreasonable to speak to solicitor if she won’t agree to us clearing it

Gosh that's a bit of a jump. Just go and have a chat with her. Yes of course you YWBU to threaten your elderly neighbour with a solicitor's letter.

DevonCherry · 20/10/2018 00:00

Good lord! That's not a garden you could whizz round with your mower now and again to keep it in trim for her .... you'd need a week off work and a couple of skips: would she be able to pay for them, even if you offer the labour?
To be honest, to let the garden get that bad suggests a mental health issue to me. What's the inside of that house like?

DeaflySilence · 20/10/2018 00:03

"Yes of course you YWBU to threaten your elderly neighbour with a solicitor's letter."

^ this! Can't understand why you would say you "don’t want to embarrass her" and would you "be unreasonable to speak to solicitor" almost in the same breath.

Have you ever spoken to her about it? Not about the impact (or supposed impact) on you, but simply that you worried that it might be a bit much for one person on their own, and didn't want her to be injured tackling thorned bushes, so could you and your husband help by clearing the thick of it.

If she refuses to allow, then I don't see what a solicitor could do. The law already allows you to cut back any overhang (although you must offer to return the cuttings to her (or dispose of them, if she doesn't want that).

FrustratedBeyond · 20/10/2018 00:03

Woah wtf! Maybe approach about the fence, then gently offer if she'd like and doing around hers? That's got to be awful living next to that

DeaflySilence · 20/10/2018 00:07

"To be honest, to let the garden get that bad suggests a mental health issue to me."

Not a physical inability issue then, DevonCherry? Perhaps combined with being unable to afford to pay someone else to do it.

DuchessStabby · 20/10/2018 00:12

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

notangelinajolie · 20/10/2018 00:13

WTF a solicitor - are you serious? She is your neighbour. Poor lady - you are being way over the top and VVBU. Offer to help her!! And for God's sake don't rip it all out and destroy all trace of plant life - she might not actually want to see you from her kitchen window. A little bit at a time is the way to go. Not everyone wants gardens that resemble concrete carparks.

DevonCherry · 20/10/2018 00:18

@deaflysilence - well I suppose it could equally well be that... I think I am basing my diagnosis on a previous neighbour of mine who would not allow anyone through the house (which was just as bad in terms of clutter) to get to the garden. She viewed us offering to clear it as a huge invasion of her privacy.

TheSageofOnions · 20/10/2018 00:19

This happened with my DF (in his 80s). We had to organise a family working party to cut it all back once a year. He (& we) would have been overjoyed if his neighbours had offered some help. A solicitor's letter, on the other hand, would have been responded to in kind.

KeiTeNgeNge · 20/10/2018 00:21

That escalated quickly! Offering to help her clear the garden would be acceptable, threatening her legally would be very unreasonable.

IamaBluebird · 20/10/2018 00:44

The damage to your fence gives you the perfect reason to ask if you can clear some of your neighbour's garden.
Surely a much better way to go about things than a solicitor's letter.
Looking at the photos I can see fuchsias and a bay tree, this was probably a lovely garden once. Maybe now your neighbour is elderly she can no longer keep it in check.

Chocolate1984 · 20/10/2018 00:47

We spoke to our neighbour and offered to cut her grass when we cut hers. We also cleared the weeds.

fieryginger · 20/10/2018 01:08

You need that fella who rescued sleeping beauty, to get through all of that. It does need sorting.

Please, please don't go to a solicitor, she's old and you don't know what is going on in her life.

Original poster
Paddington23 · 20/10/2018 08:09

I was only saying to instruct a solicitor if she wouldn’t agree to help or it being cleared. the fence at the back is so broken because of all the plants it ruined our shed and we can’t park at the back due to risk of it falling on the car. If she says no what are we meant to do leave it an ruin our garden

OP posts: