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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think my PIL are being silly?

48 replies

dumpertruck · 19/10/2018 14:24

We alternate Christmas with each family. This year is my DH's family's turn, he has 3 siblings with families and parents. We normally alternate hosts, this year we said we would host and invited everyone. One sibling accepted and two siblings declined, choosing to stay at their respective houses. My PIL have also declined, citing not wanting to travel the distance (2 hours on the train, no changes and almost door to door). They are however driving 3 hours to see one of their other children (my DH's sibling) this weekend. DH is feeling a bit put out and frustrated that they won't travel to see him at Christmas though.

AIBU to think they might regret this decision when they are on their own on Christmas Day? Should we go to them instead so they have company? I never really feel welcome there, it's especially bad at stressful occasions like Christmas. WWYD?

OP posts:
Lonesurvivor · 19/10/2018 14:27

You've offered, they've declined, it's no big deal. Accept their decision and leave them to celebrate Christmas in their chosen way.

SnuggyBuggy · 19/10/2018 14:33

I would let it go. Is there anything else you would like to do this Christmas?

ManILurveCake · 19/10/2018 14:34

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

PrincessWire · 19/10/2018 14:35

Don't sweat it. You've offered and they've declined. Just have a fab time with the sibling who accepted.

oldsewandsew · 19/10/2018 14:38

My parents won’t go anywhere at Christmas. They are happy to travel at any other time of year though. Could it be that?

Bluelady · 19/10/2018 14:38

Maybe they want Christmas on their own. God knows, MN is littered with people who just want "our little family" on Christmas Day. It looks like being us and my friend for Christmas this year, I'd really hate it if any of the kids decided to join us now.

PanamaPattie · 19/10/2018 14:44

I can see why they declined. Travelling on a train at Christmas can be a nightmare. You are off the hook. Enjoy your day.

Iloveacurry · 19/10/2018 14:45

They’re not on their own - they’ve got each other. I wouldn’t worry about it. Although I can see why your DH is annoyed. I assume they would be happy for you to go to them ....

Thenewdoctor · 19/10/2018 14:45

Travelling mid Oct is nothing like travelling at Christmas.

legofriendly · 19/10/2018 14:46

O big deal, less work for you and for all you know they may have hated having to share their house at Christmas!

legofriendly · 19/10/2018 14:47

No big deal that should say

Antigon · 19/10/2018 14:49

What Lonesurvivor said

Rebecca36 · 19/10/2018 14:59

Maybe your parents in law are alternating too, going to see your husband's sibling. It's not personal, forget it.

Would they stay overnight with you or have to travel to and fro on one day? Must admit I wouldn't like to do that, would prefer to stay at least one night.

Next year will be different, don't worry.

Tinty · 19/10/2018 15:00

Maybe invite them for a weekend between now and Christmas an early Christmas meal, then enjoy your actual Christmas with his other sibling.

WhatchaMaCalllit · 19/10/2018 15:00

In relation to Christmas, you've offered, they've declined the offer, leave them to it.

However, it wouldn't be beyond the realms of possibility for your DH to have a word with his parents, if he is feeling frustrated that they will make a 3 hour journey but wont make a 2 hour one just to point that out and how he feels about that. It shouldn't be about Christmas, more about how disappointed he is and how it looks. If they decide to change their mind about Christmas after that then the invite is still open to them I'm guessing here

You mentioned that you don't feel welcome there, especially at stressful times like Christmas. Could they be feeling the stress and deciding not to intrude on your Christmas because of that?

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 19/10/2018 15:04

I don't think you need worry about your PIL being on their own at Christmas. I would put money on them having arranged to go to one of their other children's place instead.

Aprilislonggone · 19/10/2018 15:04

Be bloody grateful!!

ThumbWitchesAbroad · 19/10/2018 15:05

Obviously one of the 2 siblings who declined your invitation, not the one who is coming to yours.

spanishwife · 19/10/2018 15:05

Are you terrible at cooking?

spanishwife · 19/10/2018 15:05

Or maybe your house is minging?

Ifoundanacorn · 19/10/2018 15:06

Yes you have invited them, they have declined, there might be reasons that you are not aware of right now with the other sibling, or not as the case may be. You don't need to invite them again next year, so you have ducked two years, that is called a win-win.

Be happy it is two less to worry about, and enjoy a stress free christmas.

YABU to call them silly though, that sounds disrespectful.

LittleMe03 · 19/10/2018 15:07

@spanishwife helpful! 

I wouldn't worry about it OP. Enjoy the company you will have. Maybe suggest they come to you for a pre Christmas dinner a couple of days before?

OrdinarySnowflake · 19/10/2018 15:12

You've invited them, they've declined. Job done.

However, they aren't on their own, they are together. Iwould like to think when my DCs are adults, I will sometimes spend Christmas just with DH, my DB has an open invite to ours but for the last few years since my parents moved overseas, him and BIL have just spent the day together and come to us at some point over the festive period (usually New Years Day).

Accept it's their choice, but don't fall for any guilt tripping about not going to them, or the length of time since they saw the DGC, or feeling duty bound to go to them in the week between Christmas and New Year because you've not seen them... They can come to you if they want.

I would also leave it to them to organise the next meet up.

SillySallySingsSongs · 19/10/2018 15:13

My parents won’t go anywhere at Christmas. They are happy to travel at any other time of year though. Could it be that?

^ this.

Travelling on a train at Christmas really isnt in any way fun.

ravenmum · 19/10/2018 15:20

YABU to call your PILs "silly" because they want to spend Christmas alone, or to think that people with at least a couple of decades more life experience than you are only going to notice they don't like it when Christmas comes round.