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AIBU?

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Original poster

To take this job?!

32 replies

NewYoiker · 19/10/2018 04:10

DH thinks I'm an idiot for even considering.

I have worried agency in a busy ward environment for the past 5 years. 3-4 nights a week, it's killing me! We're enjoying my salary however i can't carry on like this.

So I applied for and got a job at a very prestigious hospital in a department I've always wanted to work in, change is as good as a rest etc, but DH saw my contract tonight and it's hit him that my salary will go down.

Currently I earn £15.31 per hour and will be going down to 11.77 per hour.

I know it's a lot less but the job is permanent and I've been wanted to not do nights for years and I've not gone up a pay band for years so that would be nice.

We're currently not speaking and I've told him I'm taking the job whether he supports me or not, and that it's my turn to have a job I want instead of working around his business. We have no children it won't really affect us other than disposable income, but I worked out tonight that even with my 'pay cut' we'll have £1000 a month after bills which is more than enough to me!

OP posts:
Misspiggyshiyah · 19/10/2018 04:18

Take the job! There's a value on your happiness and job satisfaction, which is greater than the monetary loss. Starting putting yourself first. Good luck 🙂

Monty27 · 19/10/2018 04:20

Take the new job.
What exactly does your DH do?
Take it and enjoy it. You might do better in the quick as you are accustomed to working so hard. A day job will be so much easier for you. It's not all about him right now.
Congratulations Flowers

Cjngs · 19/10/2018 04:24

Do take the job. I worked nights for two years it’s awful completely ruins sleep patterns.
You’ve found a job you’d love and he says no! That’s awful. How selfish would he let you tell him where he can work?
People who have never worked nights really don’t understand how exhausting it gets.
He is essentially saying money is more importantly than your needs.

Original poster
NewYoiker · 19/10/2018 04:26

Thanks I think he's afraid of change. He wants to buy a house.

He's a solicitor but has his own firm, he's thinking of doing his judges exams next year.

I just want set hours, a set wage no more zero hours contract, if I pass my probation period in 3 months we can look at sorting ourselves out to buy a house.

OP posts:
JosellaPlayton · 19/10/2018 04:32

That’s a pretty substantial drop in earnings and by the sounds of it you have joint finances so I suppose it will affect your DH. Would there be added financial pressure? I know you say it’s wont really affect things but maybe he doesn’t agree? There’s a lot to consider- do you have savings, could you cope if his business wasn’t doing as well, will you need to make significant lifestyle cut backs to get by on £1000 disposable income, are you planning children? That said, your current job sounds awful and I don’t blame you for wanting to leave. Personally I would be leaning towards taking the job, and if you can take the financial hit, I hope your DH supports you and understands that it’s what’s best for you. Good luck.

AnguaUberwaldIronfoundersson · 19/10/2018 04:36

Take the job. Assuming you work around 40 hours a week it’s a hit to your wages of about £120/w taking into account average tax, pension and NI contributions. If you can afford to take the hit, given that you’ll be happier, no longer working nights, have a more secure role and the ability to move up pay grades, the man you should do it now whilst you have fewer financial constraints like kids and a mortgage. Money isn’t everything but your happiness and wellbeing is.

Monty27 · 19/10/2018 04:38

You're his normal then? He doesn't like change yet he's progressing his career and is happy for you to work nights for the money?
Good grief.
It's about you not him for once.
Take the job Shock

Cjngs · 19/10/2018 04:41

Agency work is a temporary thing while looking for a permanent post, usually. When you get a permanent position you can train and improve your qualifications,whereas with agency work you remain a last resort by nhs.
Your husband wants to study great. You should also be allowed that opportunity.

Original poster
NewYoiker · 19/10/2018 04:44

Yeah I've picked up the slack for years. When we first got together I was in uni and he was a trainee on 16k, I graduated and his passed his training contract, I went onto 20k and he went on to 21(ish) we've moved all over the country for his job in 5 years and he decided 2 years ago to set up his own firm and is paying himself 37k as a wage. He could afford to do more but chooses not to.

I am about 4 stone overweight, I have no friends in this area as all the clubs and societies meet on an evening when I'm at work. I am permanently exhausted.

I am committed to doing extra shifts if we need the money, but I just need a change!

OP posts:
Cjngs · 19/10/2018 04:52

Your update confirms nights are stressing you out are are no longer working for you.
You’ve spent years giving in to him to the extent your health is affected with a 4 stone weight gain.
You’d be crazy to allow him to continue to pressure you like this at the cost to your own health and well being. I think it’s time for you to put yourself first how great would that be! Good luck!

BikeRunSki · 19/10/2018 04:53

Do the new job is permanent and your current one isn’t? So syrekttgst means that the new job comes with a pension, sick pay, maternity pay, annual leave etc, as well as a bit more security? In which case it’s a far better long term proposition, especially for buying a house.

Notveryadventurousname · 19/10/2018 04:54

Show him this link about the health implications of night shift working. The were are lots of articles on the BBC and other news sites if you google, but I followed a couple of links within them to this US study of 70,000 female nurses doing shift work. There will be other similar scientific papers, many tested and statistically robust.

You can't out a price on your health, until it's too late. It sounds as if your DH earns a very decent salary to start with and your is reasonable too, even in the new role.

www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/2015-01/ehs-rns010215.php

Original poster
NewYoiker · 19/10/2018 05:00

@BikeRunSki at the moment we can't buy a house until he has a few years of accounts to prove he earns what he says he does. I can get a mortgage because I've been doing agency for longer than a year but it would have been based on me doing nights..

This new job is at a hospital specialising in cancer services, the operating department is cutting edge doing brand new operations and really pushing the boundaries. Plus it's permanent with sick pay, annual leave, no Christmas as the department isn't open, and paid Mat leave. I'm too early in my career to do nights for the rest of my life!

There are also no nights my hours will be 8-6 with one on call shift per month. I've asked about further training and they're very happy to provide training courses; mentor ship etc,

OP posts:
Bombaybunty · 19/10/2018 05:18

I changed jobs about a year ago. I went from earning £30 an hour to about £15 an hour.
I am so much happier, I love my new job. We've had to mske a lot of financial adjustments but it's been worth it.

Original poster
NewYoiker · 19/10/2018 05:20

@Bombaybunty can I ask what the biggest change you've made Is?

We need to more meal planning really I think. I'm too tired to even think about cooking at the moment so we're wasting so much money on takeaway and convenience food.

Tbh I can't wait to see who i am underneath the jet lag and weight. I've got so many clubs I want to try out!

OP posts:
Bombaybunty · 19/10/2018 05:26

The main things have been eating out, take aways and curbing the random purchases. I shop in Lidls for most of our food.
I was in private occupational health and have gone back to the NHS on a mid band 5 in a community based role.

toherdoor · 19/10/2018 05:34

He's being incredibly, unbelievably selfish. You'd be crazy not to take the job. What exactly did he see you doing for the rest of your working career?

Original poster
NewYoiker · 19/10/2018 06:06

Thought of another positive!

I'll be working with the same team so I can make friends/ not have the stress and anxiety of 'Will the staff like me, will I be useful? What if the team is really formed and I'm just really awkward' etc etc etc it's so hard being an agency nurse at the moment having to fit in with the wards routines etc and usually getting ignored by most of the team and arguing for a break

OP posts:
megletthesecond · 19/10/2018 06:21

Take the job.
You'll be better off in the long term.

bowdownbeforelokitty · 19/10/2018 06:42

Take the job, you have assisted him in career progression and now he can assist you to better your work/life balance. Who is to say that once full time you wouldn't progress yourself and enjoy a higher wage to allow him once more to further his career again.

It needs to work to the benefit of both. I would hate to see you on the relationship boards two years down the line still working night shift to allow him to grow his career and business even further.

MaverickSnoopy · 19/10/2018 06:46

I've been in your DHs shoes before. About 10 years ago my DH was working in a job with bad hours that he hated. He was offered a role that was more jnr and only part time. He decided to take it and reduce his hours in the other job - so he'd be working 2. I was SO worried. Fear of the unknown....what if...what if....? Best thing he ever did. The job progressed, he was happier and although he's had ups and downs, it's given him a career and stability. More recently he moved employers and again I felt twitchy...what if they turn out to be bad employers.

Talking it through A LOT really helped us. All I wanted was to feel confident that it was the right choice and in the end I did. If your DH won't talk about it then he sounds more controlling than worried. I would keep trying to talk to him about it and keep explaining how detrimentaly impacted you've been and that you need something that is going to make you happy. You have supported him in his choices and now it's his turn to support you.

WhentheRabbitsWentWild · 19/10/2018 06:50

Take the job OP and all the Best with it .

It sounds worthwhile and what you really want so go for it . And Thank You (I note its a cancer service) for your dedication Flowers

Tahani · 19/10/2018 06:53

Take the job

You deserve it, if you don't take it.yiu will regret it and feel resentful to him getting to do what he wants

User97532468 · 19/10/2018 06:59

Take the job. I used to work majority nights then switched to a department that was 8-8. Never looked back. I’ve since moved again and now do 9-5 so taken yet another pay cut but it’s so much better for our relationship being able to spend time to us plus I feel so much better in myself.

Misspiggyshiyah · 19/10/2018 07:29

...worst case scenario you could always return to agency work if the move wasn't a good fit!

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