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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my 12 year old ASD son go on a date?

47 replies

CharlotteWebb · 18/10/2018 20:58

My son whose 12 wants to ask his 'girlfriend' (also aged 12) on a date to the cinema to watch Johnny English.

I would take them and collect them and I think this is ok. (Assuming her parents were fine with it).

I was really happy for him to feel comfortable about asking this girl out - because it's kind of a big deal for him.

However his Dad thinks we should discourage him as although I believe he would behave appropriately he feels we would have to have a whole conversation with the girls Mum how he has autism. This may in turn put her in an awkward situation as she may no longer want her daughter go out with him.

He also thinks he has plenty of time to go on dates and it's a whole new chapter that we shouldn't rush in to.

AIBU to say this is all ok and to encourage his 'date'?

OP posts:
GreenLantern53 · 18/10/2018 21:01

dates at 12 Confused

Original poster
CharlotteWebb · 18/10/2018 21:04

I'm not sure it is a 'date' in our sense of the word - it's just what he calls it because he thinks it sounds grown up, they would just be giggling, eating popcorn and maybe a kiss on the cheek at the end of the night

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 18/10/2018 21:04

I think 12 is far too young to date. I'd say he could go to the cinema with her, but that it wasn't a date.

Aquamarine1029 · 18/10/2018 21:04

I would refrain from calling it a date, personally. They are two friends who want to spend time together. I think it would be a fun thing for them to do, and I don't see any reason to tell the other parents about your son's ASD at the moment. They're just 12 years old, after all. Perhaps you might consider going to the movie with them and sitting somewhere else in the theater. That's what I did with my children at that age.

Aquamarine1029 · 18/10/2018 21:05

Please don't encourage him to kiss her. They're 12, ffs.

TakemedowntoPotatoCity · 18/10/2018 21:07

I agree that you should accompany them at this age, tbh.

cariadlet · 18/10/2018 21:07

I think it sounds a nice idea. Calling it a date probably makes it sound more grown up than it really is. If you're taking them and collecting them then it would be ok.

The mum might like to meet your ds just to know who her dd is going out with as their still so young, but I don't think there's any need to have a conversation about the autism unless it arises naturally.

Original poster
CharlotteWebb · 18/10/2018 21:07

She's already kissed him on the cheek - I think it's as innocent as holding hands.

OP posts:
Alpacanorange · 18/10/2018 21:07

Who says it is a date? I agree with other posters, 12 year olds “dating” doesn’t sound right.

Original poster
CharlotteWebb · 18/10/2018 21:07

I've already commented on the word 'date'

OP posts:
cariadlet · 18/10/2018 21:08

they're not their

Original poster
CharlotteWebb · 18/10/2018 21:09

Yes I would accompany them - either sit in a different part of the cinema of wait for them in the foyer

OP posts:
Cherries101 · 18/10/2018 21:09

Is your son calling it a date? Or are you calling it a date?

Original poster
CharlotteWebb · 18/10/2018 21:10

He is calling it a date - I've posted 2 comments about the word 'date' already

OP posts:
HouseOfGingerbread · 18/10/2018 21:12

Going to the cinema together is fine,and judging by my ASD teen it's probably unlikely they'll kiss at this stage. As to whether you tell her parents about the ASD, I think that depends on two things. 1. The likelihood that it will impact on his behaviour eg is being in a dark cinema with people laughing etc likely to be a sensory trigger - is there anything that he might do that their daughter might need to understand is normal for him eg stimming. 2. Whether he's happy for you to share that personal information.

GreenLantern53 · 18/10/2018 21:12

Im sorry but i certainly wasnt dating at 12, and im in my 20s so not a million years ago. I must be getting old as 12 year olds going on dates sounds
all kinds of wrong.

Godimsounimaginative · 18/10/2018 21:12

Why would you not let him date because he's autistic? Unless you worry he has violent tendencies or whatever then he should have as much of a social life as you'd allow a NT child

HouseOfGingerbread · 18/10/2018 21:13

Cross post about kissing. But imo kissing on the cheek consensually at 12 really isn't a big deal.

Original poster
CharlotteWebb · 18/10/2018 21:13

GreenLantern - not wrong if you read the posts I have already written about the word 'date'

OP posts:
Original poster
CharlotteWebb · 18/10/2018 21:14

I'm not worried at all about him being autistic - his dad is!!

OP posts:
Original poster
CharlotteWebb · 18/10/2018 21:16

HouseofGinger - I am not worried about the acutal cinema as he goes frequently and really enjoys it. We had to start going to main stream cinema (rather than medicinema) as they have big comfy seats, popcorn and slushy drinks

OP posts:
Chocolatecoffeeaddict · 18/10/2018 21:16

I had "dates" at 12, it was nothing serious, usually double dates with a mate and couple of boys down McDonald's or cinema.
OP I think this is tough for you because you don't want him to stop him from doing " normal" things, though you have your concerns. Could you supervise from a distance?

spreadingchestnuttree · 18/10/2018 21:16

A boy and a girl aged 12 going to the cinema is not a big deal and people are imo getting overly hung up on the word "date".

I think it's fine, assuming you think he can cope ok with it?

Gooseygoosey12345 · 18/10/2018 21:17

I think it's fine, NT or autistic, the girl obviously has no issues and they're clearly close so I don't see a problem. It's innocent so I don't get the big deal

Original poster
CharlotteWebb · 18/10/2018 21:17

Chocolate and spreading - yes thank you I agree.

OP posts:
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