To ask if you have OCD and how you manage?

[ChocolateToffee]

I have ROCD (relationship OCD) and I am plagued with intrusive thoughts that my husband doesnt love me or hes cheating on me or hes going to die in a tragic accident and I'm having a hard time lately keeping those thoughts at bay.

For those with OCD or other MH issues, how do you cope? Also please, if you have nothing constructive to add please dont comment. I know its not healthy and I don't have access to any psychological help where I am located. I'm trying to self help at the moment

I have OCD and came up with a little trick to stop certain obsessions. It's not a cure but it can help in a pinch. One of my things is thinking something bad will happen if I don't do other certain things. When I think this now I spin it round to thinking something bad will happen if I DO do the other things. So basically using OCD against itself. Can you convince yourself something bad will happen if you continue to obsess over DH being away, say?

Hi I don’t have OCD but someone close to me does. The answer is - she doesn’t - all the non coping just goes on behind closed doors.

I’m responding to say you are not alone - but also that you don’t have to live this way - you know what you have to do - but your OCD doesn’t want to hear it. That’s clear in the last sentence of your post. After ten years of trying to help I can honestly tell you that you know what you have to do - so please go and do it - if not for you but for those lives around that you that your OCD doesn’t allow you to realise you are impacting on.

I don’t have OCD but I do have anxiety and my sister has OCD. Myself and both my parents have some OCD tendencies though.

I’ve not been in your situation but when I’m stressing and fixating on something I firstly rationalise it to myself so in your case it would be telling myself that DH isn’t cheating, he loves me. Then I would allow myself to think rationally what the worst case scenario would be and remind myself that it would be awful but it’s extremely unlikely to happen and if it did I would survive it. Then remind myself that it’s not really going to happen.

Then I distract myself and every time I catch myself thinking about it I consciously tell myself to stop, it’s unhelpful and obsessing doesn’t change anything, and I consciously focus on something else. It might be really listening to the lyrics of a song or really concentrating and sort of mentally acknowledging every word of dialogue on a tv show.

I tend to be worst at night when I’m trying to sleep so I have a tv show on to fall asleep to, that’s like an old favourite so I’m not actively watching it but if I start to stress I can focus on the tv show. Probably less helpful if you share your bed though! And I’m aware it’s terrible sleep hygiene.

It’s easy to say, but try to be kind to yourself. Mental illness is exhausting and draining. With anxiety type illnesses when they’re bad it’s like you’re in a constant state of fight or flight with adrenaline and it’s physically and mentally exhausting!

Sorry not the popular response but I don’t believe you can totally self help with OCD - it’s not your fault you have this - hopefully other people will have better ideas - wishing you lots of support to make small steps forward.

I had OCD after the birth of my first child. I was a single parent so my child's survival was on me. It was awful.

In the end, I had to convince myself that my brain couldn't kill my child.

I'm having to convince myself all over again as she's about to have major surgery.

I have OCD. Recently diagnosed and came as a bit of a shock when I realised that was what was going on. (I knew I had anxiety but not OCD) My obsessions are contamination/ safety based/ fear of making mistakes. My compulsions are thought based and constant checking and getting reassurance. It has destroyed my career. I'm struggling with parenting. It is so bad for my relationship with DH. I'm exhausted. I don't feel that I'm coping very well but I am having treatment so am hopeful. The basic self care stuff helps... Good diet, not much alcohol, exercise, getting outdoors and enough sleep. Reading ficton helps me escape. Cbt has been useful in the past for challenging the thoughts. It's so hard having OCD.

Thanks for sharing your experiences with it. Junebug I think I can relate with the safety part. Whenever I leave the house I am on high alert, I'm terrified I'll get raped and murdered. I live in a low crime area.

I find I will be okay for a bit, then the other night DH got a Facebook message from some girl asking him to cater at her wedding (obviously totally harmless) and my OCD brain started telling me hes DEFINITELY cheating on me with her.

A year ago I probably would have looked at his phone while hes showering or something and while the temptation is still there, I wont because that's just feeding the compulsion and reassurance part. It's so hard dealing with the turmoil inside. Sending love and strength to those affected by this disease, including family and friends of those afflicted. I feel sorry for my DH sometimes when he comes home from work and I'm a little snappy because I have spent all day ruminating and being on the edge all day

OP, can I ask where you are that you can’t get any help? Someone on here may be able to recommend something.

I live in a small country town in Western Australia. I had a therapist but he wasnt a good fit. He would always look at his watch and say the same things which dont work. The nearest psychologist apart from him is a 4 hour drive away

Hi, I found CBT really helpful. The main thing I had to do was live my life as if there wasn’t a problem.

I had to stay away from TV and internet for a while (to stop the checking part) and I had to force myself to go out and about.

And sertraline was also a great help!

This helps me a lot. Take your thoughts to court!

Such a simple thing to do, but it has saved my sanity many times when my head just would not shut the fuck up.

www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/TheCourtCase.pdf

Please don't underestimate how much it can help. When my CBT therapist showed it to me I thought it was silly at first.

Here is another alternative worksheet (make sure you scroll to the bottom)

www.getselfhelp.co.uk/docs/ThoughtRecordSheet.pdf

I use both regularly.

Self-help books on CBT can help too.

I have come on leaps and bounds, but I am currently ruminating over so much rubbish it is untrue and I am exhausted. I am working on my CBT skills and hoping it will pass soon. I am quickly cycling through a lot of totally made up situations and every conversation I have had recently with people who aren't my close family, is leading me to have more to ruminate on.

CBT has helped me so much, even in bad periods like this it is more manageable because of what I learned.

Cbt, meds, recognising the pattern to intrusive thoughts and acknowledging that they feel real but aren’t, some times will be worse than others, and if I’m going ‘what if?’ A lot, that’s probably ocd.

Be kind to yourself. It won’t feel this bad forever. This is not forever.
Get good sleep, eat as well as you can, exercise if you can. Ring Samaritans if you don’t have cbt and you need to talk, or one of the ocd charities.

I've had ocd for 24 years, since i was 5 years old. Really severe life ending basically, i' completely housebound, dependent on my dad as a full time carer, cant even have a relationship. No friends, abandonned by all other family, been trying for over 14 years to get medical help and im forever getting trainees with no ide what they're doing, temps who move on after about 2 months and referrals start all over again, a referral LOST after waiting over 18 months and endless waiting lists as there's not enough staff for all those who need help, and a 12 session limit when you do finally get assigned to someone. Quite honestly just waiting for my existence to come to an end at this point.

For me, CBT and mindfulness has helped a lot. But some days it feels like it's 2 steps forwards, 3 steps back. It's just a really long haul.

U2hastheedge thanks for those links, I'll definitely have to check them out. I hope your struggle at the moment passes soon

Almostajillsandwich I'm sorry to hear, that sounds really rough :( must feel horrible to have referrals lost. I'm not quite sure what to say, but I hope you manage to get some proper decent help soon. You deserve a happy life

Oh OP I’m sorry I can’t help. I really hope you get some good advice from there, on top of everything it must be exhausting xx

Have you tried the moodgym website. My GP recommended it years ago and it's based on self help CBT. Its also an Australian website but known and used worldwide.

I had it when I was younger (secondary school.) I was bullied in school and I am not sure if that is what caused it or made it worse. I wouldn't sleep in my bed for fear of making it dirty. I would sleep on the floor in the hallway. I had therapy ( couldnt tell you what kind.) When I get really stressed I can feel it taking over again. Don't think it ever actually goes I just manage to contain it now I am older.

Not me but my husband. He's had it as long as he can remember in varying levels of intensity. Right now it's very bad and has been for 6 months. What has helped him is that we all refuse to collude in his obsessive thoughts. I won't check doors or wash the cups again or anything else that makes him think that his obsessive thought has a basis to it. It is tough for both of us. He has contamination and responsibility OCD. His belief is that something he will do will cause a person to die and he will be sent to prison and lose is family. The bitter irony is that at times the OCD behaviour is so hard to live with that it is destroying our marriage.
We also both found the book Break Free from OCD helpful. It's slow baby steps though and we are about to start paying vast amounts of money to a private therapist as we cannot wait any longer for NHS help without it seriously damaging our family.

CBT (online stuff actually quite good) meditation, yoga and talking it out/rationalising. Also psychotherapy because a lot of mine is down to stress/life stuff. But I still have to take photographs of plug sockets before I leave the house to be sure I unplugged the iron. Stress and tiredness makes it worse. So don’t think I’m out of the woods yet!

I have it too. I'm the opposite to you - convinced I've cheated and don't remember doing it.
CBT helps a lot with the anxiety but doesn't really prevent the thoughts. That's the key I think - acceptance of the thoughts. I spent much time wanting them to 'go away' until I heard this:

'If they are just thoughts, and can't harm you, what does it matter if they go away or not?'

Everyone has intrusive thoughts. The difference is that we don't get past them and they cause us anxiety. Managing the anxiety and working to sit with and accept your thoughts was helpful to me. Mindfulness helps bring you back to the present and out of your head. A healthy diet improved my symptoms. I also take ssris but I'm not convinced they have been much help to be honest.

Hi Chocolatetoffee,

Sorry to hear you're struggling! I know you're not in the UK but the OCDuk forum is great for support.

My DH has OCD based on contamination and doing things ‘just right’. We are not managing.

He’s had psychotherapy/CBT and it helped a bit. But still struggling a lot. We were supposed to be going to a party tonight. He needed the toilet just before we were due to go. When he goes to the toilet he has a long ritual for washing and drying his hands, he also has to change ALL his clothes. So we couldn’t go to the party because it got too late. He was really upset. This is just one example.

I’ve had enough of it all now. He’s been adamant about not taking medication. But now I’ve finally persuaded him to go to the GP and consider it. Well I threatened to leave and he could see I was serious. This is a big step for him. But now we can’t get an appointment for at least 2 weeks!

If he doesn’t make an effort to see the GP and go on medication it will be the end of our marriage. 16 years married and 22 years together - ruined by OCD. We argue all the time. We never used to argue before the OCD. We used to joke about how little we argued

ROCD but not the same thread of intrusive thoughts as yours. Still extremely distressing and difficult though. I have found a way to make it a lot more manageable though. It helps to do some reading as the more you understand the better stemmed you are.

Basically, it's not your thoughts that are scary, it's the fact that you have (unintentionally of course) trained your body to have a fearful reaction to these thoughts. Every time you have one of the thoughts and feel anxious, you are reinforcing the fear and making it worse. Trying to explain away these thoughts, reason with them or confess them also only makes them more powerful as we are giving into our compulsions.

Something I read, that has worked for me but is very difficult is this. When a thought occurs, rather than fight it in any way, allow it to be. Accept that the thought is there and concentrate only on your breathing until you begin to calm. You will probably need to do this multiple times with every intrusive thought (just think how many times you've had the thought and become anxious!). But the idea is that you are retraining your brain to have no reaction to these thoughts rather than the anxious reaction it is used to producing. It won't stop the thoughts occurring but the idea is that eventually, you will have no anxious reaction associated with them which means they will be as fleeting as any other thought (eg. "Ooh I might record Eastenders" or something equally as random!)

As I say, it's very difficult because you have to allow yourself to become anxious which is the opposite of what your body wills you to do. And, as with any recovery, it is not a complete fix, it's an up and down process. All I can say is that it's been the most effective thing I've tried so far. I still have good and bad periods but I find it much easier to stop a full blown anxiety attack and compared to how I have been it's a lot more controlled. I imagine that the longer I practice this, the easier it will get.

Most importantly, if you feel you're struggling, there's no shame in medication. I took Sertraline and for me it worked wonders. I only stopped due to pregnancy and may continue after DC2 is born if I feel I need to.

Good luck