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Is my friend being rude by not wanting to come to my dinner?

53 replies

claptrapwrap · 18/10/2018 19:30

So I have recently moved to a new city. My friend is nagging to come and visit. I am very busy, so this was the only weekend I could do for the next months. First of all she wasn't sure if she could, but then when told it's this weekend or not at all unfortunately then she was free.

This Friday I have a fancy dinner that I have a +1 for, free. It is formal, so I mentioned to friend that is what we're doing for dinner. No, she doesn't own any formal clothes suitable. So I said, not to worry, save on packing space and borrow what you like of mine. She thinks she will look silly, even though we're the same size.

I then tell her the menu, she refuses to eat vegetarian food. The main is something that "makes her want to vomit" and she "abhors it".

Leaving me unsure what to do, going elsewhere for dinner will then cost me money as she can't be bothered.

Am I being unreasonable to want her to come with me?

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 18/10/2018 19:31

Don't even think of taking her to that dinner! She sounds really rude.

DanglyBangly · 18/10/2018 19:32

Well, what is it? A work event i.e. somewhere where you might know everybody and she won't know anyone?

needsahouseboy · 18/10/2018 19:33

Just tell her well thats what the plans are so either she comes with you or stays at home.

I'd have jumped straight there with you OP. I love a free meal //grin

kaldefotter · 18/10/2018 19:33

Might she be socially anxious and just doesn't want to go to a formal dinner with you? Her excuses may seem rude, but perhaps the excuses seem preferable to telling you the truth. If I wanted to meet up with a friend I'd not see for a long time, I really would prefer to meet up with them alone and have a good catch up.

AlexaShutUp · 18/10/2018 19:33

Tell her to come on Saturday instead, and take someone else to the dinner.

LegoPiecesEverywhere · 18/10/2018 19:35

Plenty of people don’t like formal events with people they don’t know so I don’t think she is being rude not attending particularly as she has nothing formal to wear. I think the food was just an excuse as you didn’t take her first answer of no. Invite her on Saturday just the two of you instead.

Shoppingwithmother · 18/10/2018 19:36

I can understand why she doesn’t want to go. She’s coming to see you, not to go to a formal dinner where presumably she won’t know anyone.

You’ve said you’re available this weekend or not at all, but you’re not really available - you’re going to this dinner. If she wanted to go it would be fine, but she doesn’t, so maybe find another time when you don’t have plans.

Twickerhun · 18/10/2018 19:36

To be honest I wouldn’t want to go to a formal dinner either if I was visiting a friend - but no way would I be that rude about it. Tell her unfortunately this is all you can do and let her come it not.

LegoPiecesEverywhere · 18/10/2018 19:37

Sorry she actually refused twice so her third excuse was the food. You were being rude pushing it when she said no the first time.

claptrapwrap · 18/10/2018 19:37

I am just annoyed, as it would be a special treat for us both. Equally, it is something I've been looking forward to for a while. She previously has said that she wants to come.

In fact, I got invited to an even nicer dinner in her city. I shan't be saying that I'll be there.

She often goes to dinners with her work, so she just can't be bothered to bring her smart clothes.

OP posts:
claptrapwrap · 18/10/2018 19:38

She has booked her travel to the city.

I would be understanding if she hadn't previously agreed to attending.
I actually won't know many people at the dinner, perhaps a handful.

OP posts:
XiCi · 18/10/2018 19:39

Hmm, sounds very odd to take your friend to a formal, presumably work,, dinner. Especially if she doesn't like what is on offer to eat or feel comfortable in formal clothes. Sounds like she wanted an informal catch up with you and you were very much this is what I'm doing, I'm not free any other weekend so join in or fuck off. Is this someone you don't like very much because I wouldn't treat a friend like that.

Fattymcfaterson · 18/10/2018 19:39

Hmm, it sounds a bit like you want it all your way though, does she get a say in any of it? She's the one travelling to you because this is the only weekend you can do. Which you can't really as you have a formal dinner (😴)
Maybe a compromise??

A580Hojas · 18/10/2018 19:40

No, she's not rude not to want to come to your formal dinner with people she doesn't know.

Yes, she is spectacularly rude to describe food you are cooking at abhorrent and vomit-inducing.

Perhaps park this one.

HellenaHandbasket · 18/10/2018 19:41

Her phrasing is rather odd, but I can fully appreciate why she wouldn't want to go. I would find it rather rude of you to just assume I would tbh, surely when you have guests you discuss what you are going to do together?

kaldefotter · 18/10/2018 19:41

XiCi is right, it does sound as though you don't like her much. And you didn't want to hear her when she said she didn't want to go to a formal dinner. Do you want to maintain this friendship?

HellenaHandbasket · 18/10/2018 19:42

And she wouldn't even have a choice of what to eat. No thanks.

EvaPerron · 18/10/2018 19:43

Hmm I'm guessing that she's a friend that you're trying to phase out op? It sounds like it. Basically she can only come if she comes the weekend you choose and does what you want her to when she gets there? I think I might be making excuses by now.

Iaimtomisbehave1 · 18/10/2018 19:44

First you told her it was that weekend or not at all.... bit of an odd way to speak to a friend.

Then you, again, TOLD her that's what you are both doing for dinner that night... Bit of an odd way to speak to a friend.

It's all on your terms. Maybe she just wants an easy going weekend with her friend. And not a fancy night out where she needs to be on best behaviour eating food she doesn't enjoy.

LagunaBubbles · 18/10/2018 19:45

You make it sound like a friend wanting to visit you is an inconvenience in your "busy" life.

MirriVan · 18/10/2018 19:50

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

Gazelda · 18/10/2018 19:50

Did you know about the dinner before you told her you we're free this weekend? Did she know?


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Gemini69 · 18/10/2018 19:52

Tell her not to bother coming.. you have a life and plans too Flowers

Marzipanface · 18/10/2018 19:52

I'd be annoyed if I paid to travel to visit a friend to be 'told' I'm going to a formal outing where I wouldn't know anyone, have to dress up and eat food I don't like. I'd be more polite about it though.

WheelOfMisfortune · 18/10/2018 19:52

Tbh OP, nice as it sounds, if I booked to see a friend and then she told me ‘by the way, we are going to this’ then I would be put out. You told her you are free and you aren’t, and she isn’t getting a say in the matter.

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