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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Lazy bf

38 replies

Motherstressed · 18/10/2018 16:13

Hi I'm new here so I apologise in advance until I get used to it lol
Anyhow I'm 25 with two boys one being autistic. I split from my kids dad 2 years ago (save this for another day) ha! And met my bf a year and a half ago and he's 7 years my senior and earns a gd wage (i.dont work) but hes off work more than in work so has alot of free time and he slowly moved himself in from living with his mother and he does nothing around the house only if he wants something which is very rare that he lifts a finger and i find rubbish everywhere even in the bathroom! He doesn't know how to use the washing machine and also doesn't help with any bills at all I'm classed as a single parent so it's tight atm but he'll do the odd food shop now and then, he wants me to give him a year to sort his finances out before helping me.
Today (this is why I'm feeling the way I do th I've noticed forks going missing and left with two forks in the WHOLE house so I pulled him up on it and said stop taking them to work to which he denied and ends up telling me to shut up and storms off which happens a lot if I 'nag' him and he calls me a freak and weird ect I just want us to be a team but it's all about him I need help with quite a few things around the house like taking stuff to a skip that's pilled up out side to which he says he'll do but never does and a half built trampoline I bought for my boys that he took down to move and ended up losing the bolts to that they can't play on this was in June and still not built:( I'm at the point where I look forward to him going to work so I can do what I want, watch what I want ect without it being his way as he hates what I like and will get in huffs and sulks. Not sure what I'm asking I just need advice btw he can be sweet sometimes and can do nice things but it's an on going battle and it's weighing me down it's hard enough looking after myself, two boys one with asd as it is I have no energy to look after a moody teenage tempered boy! Sorry I just needed the rant lol

OP posts:
TurnipCake · 18/10/2018 16:15

DTMFA

Original poster
Motherstressed · 18/10/2018 16:16

Oh yeah I've just found out he has a cocaine problem too because he had a hard time years ago

OP posts:
JFSB · 18/10/2018 16:18

What advice do you want OP? You know he isn’t good enough for you or your boys. Kick him out.

lessthanBeau · 18/10/2018 16:19

Read this back to yourself, you know what to do.

You're only 18 months into the relationship, dump his ass!
Also if he's living at your house and you're claiming benefits as a single parent that's benefit fraud, be very careful someone doesn't report you. If you want to carry on with this waste of space then he has to help financially.

I'd rather be alone than live like this.

Merryoldgoat · 18/10/2018 16:20

Advice? Dump him. Seriously.

You’ve been together a relatively short amount of time, he’s already behaving like a dick. He’s sponging off you when he’s earning and you have a child with SEN and limited income? What would you tell a friend in this position?

Merryoldgoat · 18/10/2018 16:21

Cocaine problem? FFS! Why are you even here? Why WOULDN’T you dump him?

HollidayArmadillo · 18/10/2018 16:21

What does DTMFA mean?

If it's anything like dump this mother fucking arsehole (which I read it as) then yeah, I agree

You have no ties to him whatsoever and he's taking the piss out of you - and he's a drug addict
Come on op!

nonevernotever · 18/10/2018 16:22

Have my very first LTB. I can't see what you get out of this relationship, but he's got it made hasn't he? You pay for everything, you do all the work round the house on the offchance that every now and then he'll be nice to you? Fuck that for a game of soldiers! Really OP - you are worth better than that. And he has a cocoaine problem because he had a hard time years ago? That'll be where all his money is going. Leave now before it gets any worse. And certainly don't have any children with this man.

(No idea what DTMFA means by the way)

MrsTommyBanks · 18/10/2018 16:23

Kick him out.

Original poster
Motherstressed · 18/10/2018 16:27

I definitely would not have any children with him! I know that much his problem is mainly when he goes out and I got suspicious and he opened up to me about it and I've told him to get help and he said he will and does ok for a while then I end up not speaking to him for days and it starts all over again. I knew I would get the replies I wanted confirmation that it's as bad as it is in my head

OP posts:
Merryoldgoat · 18/10/2018 16:28

So are you dumping him?

Penhaligon · 18/10/2018 16:28

Is this the kind of male role model you want for your sons?
If you're posting here, it sounds like you've realised he's not a great catch. Send him home to his mum.

Belina · 18/10/2018 16:31

hes 32 living with his mum and you expected any different?

Womanlikeme · 18/10/2018 16:31

You must be mad sorry.

LegalEagle99 · 18/10/2018 16:31

This is for your boys. Dump him. The man is lazy, selfish and not trustworthy. The cocaine is a massive issue but so is the fact that he is not contributing at all. OP you're merely existing with him, not living and certainly not equal.

Dump him.

KittyVonCatsworth · 18/10/2018 16:32

Wow. Absolutely LTB. He’s a cocklodging manchild who’s verbally abusive on top. Holy crap, get your life back because this arseclown is not enriching your life in anyway.

Good luck xx

Bananalanacake · 18/10/2018 16:34

Holliday Grin I also thought it meant Dump the mother flipping asshole.

Original poster
Motherstressed · 18/10/2018 16:34

I feel better already sigh. I find it hard to see things I forgive easily I definitely need to learn from this and that I'm not bonkers it's actually BAD

OP posts:
Elasticity · 18/10/2018 16:39

Does he live with his mother still then?

If not your assertion that you are 'classed as a single mother' is untrue and you are fiddling the benefits system....

Dump the guy, get him out of your house and hope that nobody has reported you.

DerelictWreck · 18/10/2018 16:41

My god get rid of him.

Also - if he's moved in you're no longer classed as a single parent...

ChocoPoppy · 18/10/2018 17:06

Throw him out, he is sponging off you and that means he is using your small amount of resources (food, electricity, etc) and taking those resources from your kids. He is grinding you down emotionally and mentally when you could use that energy for your kids. You are providing a free lifestyle so he can spend his money on drugs, get rid this evening. Have his stuff in a bin liner and change the locks.

VintageFur · 18/10/2018 17:11

Many of us suffering low self-esteem and tolerate behaviour in a partner we shouldn't.

But bottom line is he's not good enough for your children and they deserve better.

PS a trick for the trampoline if you're doing it yourself (you'll have to!) Is to clip a dog lead on to the spring to extend it and clip of to the frame without risking your fingers. Dismantled mine a few weeks ago for winter storage and it took 15 mins!

Jamiefraserskilt · 18/10/2018 17:19

Coke head around kids? His choice. Not your job to cure him.
Throws tantrums? His choice. You have kids already, why do you need a big one?
Wants a free ride with no responsibility? Go home to mummy. You free riding twat.
Lord girl, bin this idiot.

ilovesooty · 18/10/2018 17:21

I find it hard to see things

Evidently. I can't believe the content of this post is serious or imagine why you didn't dump him ages ago.

Margay · 18/10/2018 17:22

DTMFA = Dump The MotherFucker Already

And I agree! It sounds like all he does is take, and if you are glad when he’s out then there’s your answer. You’re worth more than this!

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