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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

About working from home

41 replies

Mysweowgp · 18/10/2018 15:09

I am working from home today. This requires me to be logged into my work phone and be available to take calls as if I was in the office.

Husband has just text me to ask if I can go and pick our children up from the childminders (husband is self employed, works about 45 minute drive away and normally finishes work at 3 in time to pick the kids up at 4). He says he is held up and as I am not at work it will only take ten minutes.

Our two children attend different childminders both about a ten minute drive away. By the time I get in the car, pick both of them up get them into car seats and home this will probably take around 30 minutes.

I have said no, I can't just stop work to pick them up one because I'm not allowed to just leave work regardless of whether I'm in the office and two because I have work to do. In addition to this he won't be home when I get home with the kids which will prevent me from working properly until he gets home- children are pre school aged and infant school aged and taking phone calls is an essential park of my job.

He says iabu because I'm not "at work" I say he is unreasonable because although I'm not at my office I am still "at work"

Who is unreasonable?

OP posts:
TooTrueToBeGood · 18/10/2018 15:11

Him.

TokyoSushi · 18/10/2018 15:12

Him, 100%

Nicknacky · 18/10/2018 15:13

Can't they stay at the CM until he can collect them?

He is BU

hendricksy · 18/10/2018 15:14

MY dh works from , he is home a lot and never helps with childcare . He is working 🤷‍♀️

blackcat86 · 18/10/2018 15:16

He's BU. My office has a rule that to work from home you have to be ready to work and come into the office if need be. WFH cannot be used for childcare for this reason. Could you leave work early if he's delayed for some reason? Could they stay with the CM?

Metalhead · 18/10/2018 15:16

If you need to be able to answer calls at any time, then definitely him. When I work from home I could get away with it, but I hardly ever get calls, only emails and they can wait! Grin

CoperCabana · 18/10/2018 15:17

What are your other options though?

Are they booked in beyond 4pm and if not, can you extend their hours at short notice?

If he is held up, he is held up. I pick my kids up 99% of the time. If I get held up, I have to call my DH who has to leave work early. How is this different?

PuppyMonkey · 18/10/2018 15:20

As a one off, I’d do it and have the half hour break as my lunch break.

Original poster
Mysweowgp · 18/10/2018 15:20

Thanks all- yep our office is the same, have to be available to come in if needed. He doesn't work in a line of work where it is impossible for him to get away if that makes sense. My office is a 45 minute drive from the childminders and I normally work until 5/6 so he wouldn't usually ask me, I feel like he's only asking because I'm nearby and he doesn't perceive working from home as actually working.

OP posts:
Redbus1030 · 18/10/2018 15:22

This reply has been deleted

The OP has now deregistered, as they have privacy concerns. We have agreed to take this down at their request.

CoperCabana · 18/10/2018 15:23

I think we need to know what ‘held up’ means. With long-standing loyal client who wants to discuss a new and exciting piece of work / finishing up highly paid job versus faffing around / mooching around trade shop. Or is he stuck in traffic / missed the train. I would agree he is BU to think that working from home isn’t really working though.

SummerGems · 18/10/2018 15:24

IME people see working from home as an easy ride where they seem to think the person is actually at home doing not much under the pretence of “working” whereas actually working from home takes an immense amount of self discipline in order to maintain the work ethos.

I would tell him you’re busy.

Original poster
Mysweowgp · 18/10/2018 15:27

The first type of held up- it's not a travel issue, he wants to stay and help his fellow self employed colleague do some extra work on a job. Colleague will be finishing the job regardless of whether husband stays

OP posts:
CoperCabana · 18/10/2018 15:28

Sorry but I think if this was the other way around, I.e woman usually does pick up, asks DH to do as a one off, DH says no, response would be totally different.

UAEMum · 18/10/2018 15:28

I think you are being unreasonable actually. Think of this like a child care emergency. If your husband was held up when you were actually at work and couldn't get the kids, it would be OK to leave and go get them. You should have called work and explained the situation as a childcare emergency and gone to get them.

IStandWithPosie · 18/10/2018 15:28

He’s not held up at all. He’s chancing his arm because he knows you’re at home.

IStandWithPosie · 18/10/2018 15:30

he wants to stay and help his fellow self employed colleague do some extra work on a job.

That’s not held up, that’s choosin to stay late to work extra. No can do matey, you’ve kids to collect.

Original poster
Mysweowgp · 18/10/2018 15:31

I don't object to doing pick ups and quite often do if I can arrange in advance so he can work later and would absolutely leave work for a childcare emergency it's more the fact it's not an emergency and he's asked me 45 minutes before they are due to be collected

OP posts:
NWQM · 18/10/2018 15:31

Do you think he understands the difficult position he has put you in if you get caught out?

ButchyRestingFace · 18/10/2018 15:33

I'm on the fence with this one.

And it's uncomfortable. Confused

Is he still there? If he left now would he get there in time to collect them?

Purpleartichoke · 18/10/2018 15:41

I work from home exclusively. It must be treated no differently than working in an office. Well, except I can work in my pajamas and occasionally pet a cat. I have child care. If I have to leave to pick a sick child up from school or deal with any other interruption, I am logging out of work and not billing those hours.

Thankfully my job is flexible enough that I can generally come back and work those hours another time instead of using leave, but that is a perk of my particular job.

I’m lucky in that DH also used to exclusively telecommute so he understands it has to be like being in the office. Our extended family isn’t as understanding, but we just shut them down again and again. After 14 years they are finally starting to catch on.

RatherBeRiding · 18/10/2018 15:42

He is BU. He does not have a valid reason to be "held up" and I'll bet he wouldn't be so held up if you were working in the office.

Can the childminder keep them extra time till he can get there?

liquidrevolution · 18/10/2018 15:43

Tell him to jog on. You are at work.

I also work from home, albeit without having to log on and answer phones, and have a DH that says I could pop to B&Q to get stuff for him (45 mins each way). His argument is I often nip out to the post office/corner shop during the day (Total journey time 5 mins).

The mind boggles.

BonfiresOfInsanity · 18/10/2018 15:43

YABU if he is stuck then he's stuck. I generally do the pick ups (I work from home) but sometimes I can't do it as I have to be somewhere and so DH leaves work to get them (unless he's also tied up in which case I ask a friend). They are both of your responsibility not just his and on occasion you have to prioritise them.

MrsJBaptiste · 18/10/2018 15:50

Before I worked from home I would have thought like your husband. Now I work from home every so often, I agree that you're still "working" just not in the office.

If we had a better office space, I'd ask to work from home more often as it's so much more productive - not 45 minute commute each way, an early start as no faffing with make up, etc. and you get to make yourself a cuppa without having to make another 4 at the same time!

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