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Psychological advice/ DS 6, very small penis

71 replies

somanybloodysticks · 18/10/2018 12:43

I'm here for traffic but happy to be redirected to a more appropriate talk area if there is one?

Basically my DS, now 6, has a v small penis. We've been to docs when he was younger becausd he also had problems with urine infections and his foreskin. We've asked about the size a few times and been told, yes its small but its within a range of normal (its at the very bottom of that range) and it may hopefully become more proportionate as he gets older and / or hits puberty.

We accept this and aren't pushing for further investigation or treatment, mainly because we don't want him to get a complex about it. I.E. if we make a big fuss it becomes a big deal / medical thing.

For the same reason we have never spoken to him about the size, although we are a very open family nudity wise and he washes his willy every night, because of the foreskin problems he has had.

Anyway, he told me yesterday that he has had some comments about the size now. I tried to be relaxed and 'well we all come in different shapes and sizes love' but my heart absolutely broke for him.

I know he is going to get this a lot and as he gets older it will become less about general curiosity and more about teasing him.

I really want to prepare him for this, in a positive way, in advance so that he is ready and, hopefully, strong enough not to let it get to him / stay with him into adulthood.

So, Im wondering if anyone has any experience of this, or any knowledge or advice. Or if there are any organisations that anyone knows of that give parenting / psychology advice for kids!?

Thanks in advance!

OP posts:

Volant · 18/10/2018 13:59

I am not male, I a female in mid 30's and I can honestly say I never saw anybody's private parts at school...why would anybody need to see them?

Really? Are you sure? You never changed for swimming in a communal changing room? Your experience is unusual even amongst girls, and would be virtually unique amongst boys.


Nephrite · 18/10/2018 14:01

Could you attach velcro to his towel to wrap it around his waist for privacy when getting changed for swimming and encourage him to use a cubicle not the urinal?


Volant · 18/10/2018 14:02

Off the point a bit, but why do people feel the need to come on threads and announce that they have reported something? Surely all you need to do is just report. Apart from anything else, doesn't it backfire a bit when MN decides not to act on your report?


jazzandh · 18/10/2018 14:03

I would just discuss that people grow at different times and in different ways. Some have big hands or feet for their age, some are taller, wider etc...we all grow at different rates but it's all quite normal.

I would say my boys were both on the small side as little boys, but once they hit puberty it all evened out. All appears quite normally proportioned now I would say.

I wouldn't worry in the slightest.


DonkeyHotei · 18/10/2018 14:06

Jesus. Now I've seen it all. A poster comes on a parenting group to discuss something that is probably very sensitive and difficult for them to broach. And instead of support and understanding, they get labelled a troll and fucking shamed Confused. Certain mumsnetters really do live in a world that is constantly under siege: from online paedo trolls, or from 10 year olds with the audacity to NOT want to live in a body that is alien to them. On here, every normal act of wanting to live one's life free from shame and ridicule is met with suspicion overdrive.


theWarOnPeace · 18/10/2018 14:07

I have a kid with the same problem. Yes, kids see each other undress all the time, mine aren’t shy of other kids yet at all so will pee in bushes when we’re out in forests etc. and they change for swimming with loads of other kids around. No other kids have commented on my son yet, but I’m worried someone will notice soon. No, I’m not a troll - I’m guessing this is more common than I realised. Like the OP, I didn’t want to take him to see a doctor and make a big deal out of it as there’s no ‘problem’ as such.


Observatorycrest · 18/10/2018 14:08

I have similar concerns about my DS who is now 11. He however has growth hormone issues too and whilst that has nothing to do with his size he is being mornitored by an endocrinologist and they are checking him in case of signs of puberty. He is very small and isn’t phased by it at the moment. We are waiting for puberty and will take it from there. My advice is stay relaxed, don’t turn it into a big issue or your DS will pick up on it and make him feel anxious. He is only 6 but if there was a concern about him being the focus of ridicule at school I would be speaking to them as that’s not appropriate at all.


bumblenbean · 18/10/2018 14:09

What’s the point in coming on a thread just to smugly say ‘reported’? If you think it’s a troll then fine, report it, but if it’s a genuine post (which I think it is) then it’s very unhelpful and quite mean to basically shame the poster who has genuine concerns about her son Confused


statetrooperstacey · 18/10/2018 14:12

This ma sound strange in relation to a 6 year old boy but you did say you were worried about the future. so,
He is probably/ possibly a 'grower not a shower'. It's a thing.
My dh is the same! Looks like sad walnut whip when 'deflated' practically disappears if it's particularly cold or he bends forward. But when it is erect it is above average, I have no complaints.
I wouldn't worry too much yet. I have seen many many penises adult and children's and a very small penis on a very young boy is not a cause for concern.


DonkeyHotei · 18/10/2018 14:14

OP, it's difficult to discuss this because what you're basically referring to, when all the bullshit is stripped away, is how your DS will be perceived as an adult, and how his size will be judged in the context of creating happy relationships that involve physicality. And that is hard for us to respond to, because we are still seeing your DS as the little kid that he is, and we therefore can't link those concerns to him as a child.. I don't have any answers for you, other than to say he is really lucky to have a mum like you that is aware of the potential problems of something so sensitive, and is willing to come on here to ask for advice despite the abuse.


JassyRadlett · 18/10/2018 14:14

What’s the point in coming on a thread just to smugly say ‘reported’? If you think it’s a troll then fine, report it, but if it’s a genuine post (which I think it is) then it’s very unhelpful and quite mean to basically shame the poster who has genuine concerns about her son

Virtue signalling. They need everyone to know how clever and good they are.

I’m in awe of those whose kids live in such a bubble they never see another child naked. Swimming lesson changing rooms = many small boys changing at the same time, for starters. Have your kids never stripped off to jump in a paddling pool on a hot day? Used a communal urinal? Gosh.

I went to an insanely prudish girls’ school and still saw nudity from time to time.


horizonglimmer · 18/10/2018 14:19

For goodness sake people, my son would come home from nursery talking about 'x ' child having a long willy. I have picked him up from nursery and seen him and another boy laughing as they pushed their penis's over their trousers. They are children! My boys went through a phase of being fascinated by each other penis's. Why are people questioning why children have seen each other's bits? It is because they are little kids! That's why!.


calpop · 18/10/2018 14:22

If this is genuine, which I think it probably is, I wouldn't worry toom much if its been assessed as bottom end of normal. I have 4 boys and I can tell you that they are all shapes and sizes, all styaed relatiiveky the same size until 11/12 and puberty and then theres a very large change in size, across the board. Small ones catch up a bit I reckon.


tenorladybeaker · 18/10/2018 14:26

Ignore the troll-hunting OP.

One of the blokes in my social circle at uni who I remain good friends with has always been (possibly rather too) open about having a small willy - though I have never had occasion to see the organ in question. It was just something he knew people would notice and he (metaphorically) wore it as a badge of honour - he was always confident and knew that the size of that particular organ was irrelevant in general, but if there were blokish jokes being traded as part of the banter he would make one at his own expense as part of that.

Now that he's married with two sons, and his sons and mine do sometimes have baths or naked garden sprinkler play together so I have seen his sons' willies - and yes they are about a third of the size I would have thought "normal" but obviously I wouldn't dream of commenting.

But anyway - yes this is a thing and I think the best advice is to build up his confidence in as many ways as you can. Make sure he knows in general that anyone who makes a judgement on someone else due to their body shape (short, tall, skinny, fat, extra bits, bits missing, bits that are bigger or smaller than usual) are all entirely not worth knowing.

Chances are that what he's got will be entirely functional when needed and that is all that matters.


DoctoraNova · 18/10/2018 14:33

I'm a paediatrician.

For those of you saying that you believe that the OPs sin mihht usve a very small penis, micropenis is a well recognised endocrinological problem. Also due to fat deposits around the genital area sometimes the base of the penis is hidden making it appear very small.

I'm not saying the OPs son has either of these issues, but her complaint is not an uncommon reason for referral to a Paediatrician or Paediatric Endocrinologist.

Mumsnet, please don't remove this thread, to me it reads as very genuine.

For it's worth OP, I think youre taking the right approach. Get any possible medical issue ruled out. Work on his self-esteem and self-worth. Encourage sports and respect for his body. Talk to the school.

Take care.


taratill · 18/10/2018 14:45

OP I've just come on here to say that some of the comments you have received are ridiculous!

My son when 6 took delight at being 'naked' at every opportunity. Of course children look at each other at school. My daughter is so worried about being looked at (age 9 - she has got ASD) that she refuses to wear skirts (just in case) or to go to the toilet in school at all.

I hope the trolls on here are happy with themselves taking delight in making you feel bad.

I agree with the Dr's post above. If you are worried seek medical advice. Good luck .


QueenofmyPrinces · 18/10/2018 14:52

You have my sympathies OP. My son (4.5 years old) has only got one testicle and cosmetically his scrotum looks very different.

Everything is fine, he’s knows he’s only got one and we talk openly about it, but I do worry that he will get bullied for it in the future Sad


somanybloodysticks · 18/10/2018 15:02

Thanks SO much for all the lovely, reassuring and helpful posts above Flowers.

I was getting a bit freaked out by the troll-y / troll huntery comments and starting to second guess myself but I am much reassured that its not weird for 6 yr olds to see / talk about each others willys - or for a mum to be worried!

There is loads of great advice here. I genuinely do appreciate it! Ive been getting really anxious and this is all very reassuring and practical!

OP posts:

AriadnePersephoneCloud · 18/10/2018 15:04

My 7 year old tends to strip off in the middle of communal area after swimming and I know he notices other boys bits because there was a little boy who had been circumcised there one week. My sons face was a picture as he looked down and back again and tried to work out what was different... We've since had a quick chat about circumcision. Anyway I would believe boys would comment, probably not in a malicious way but still Grin


somanybloodysticks · 18/10/2018 15:06

And my sympathies to all the people sharing that they have similar concerns. Hope this thread is useful for you too. And thanks for sharing, it does make it all seem much more 'normal'.

Oh and big thanks for all the comnents that manage to be both sympathetic AND funny. Thats the best tonic Smile.

OP posts:

howthehelldoIcopewiththisone · 18/10/2018 15:57

The only people who are weird are the people who think it is weird to talk about your child and a concern you/they may have

Ignore them OP and just concentrate of the helpful suggestions the kind/well adjusted people have given you

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