Psychological advice/ DS 6, very small penis
somanybloodysticks · 18/10/2018 12:43
I'm here for traffic but happy to be redirected to a more appropriate talk area if there is one?
Basically my DS, now 6, has a v small penis. We've been to docs when he was younger becausd he also had problems with urine infections and his foreskin. We've asked about the size a few times and been told, yes its small but its within a range of normal (its at the very bottom of that range) and it may hopefully become more proportionate as he gets older and / or hits puberty.
We accept this and aren't pushing for further investigation or treatment, mainly because we don't want him to get a complex about it. I.E. if we make a big fuss it becomes a big deal / medical thing.
For the same reason we have never spoken to him about the size, although we are a very open family nudity wise and he washes his willy every night, because of the foreskin problems he has had.
Anyway, he told me yesterday that he has had some comments about the size now. I tried to be relaxed and 'well we all come in different shapes and sizes love' but my heart absolutely broke for him.
I know he is going to get this a lot and as he gets older it will become less about general curiosity and more about teasing him.
I really want to prepare him for this, in a positive way, in advance so that he is ready and, hopefully, strong enough not to let it get to him / stay with him into adulthood.
So, Im wondering if anyone has any experience of this, or any knowledge or advice. Or if there are any organisations that anyone knows of that give parenting / psychology advice for kids!?
Thanks in advance!
Rebecca36 · 18/10/2018 13:23
I certainly don't think the op is a troll.
Somanybloodysticks, if anyone does take the mick out of your son again, just tell him he's quite normal, has a lot of growing to look forward to and then talk about something else. He'll be fine.
A good idea for him to pee in a cubicle though, rather than a urinal. Just for his own privacy.
HopeGarden · 18/10/2018 13:25
The boys toilets in my DS’s infant school (Reception age and upwards) have urinals as well as cubicles.
It’s entirely possible that other pupils have seen OP’s DS’s willy if his school also has urinals.
But if other pupils are remarking on his willy and making fun of it, then I’d be speaking to the school ASAP. That’s unacceptable behaviour and the teachers should be putting a stop to it.
I have no experience or advice to offer about the size issue - is your GP able to recommend anywhere you can get support about this?
CaptainCabinets · 18/10/2018 13:26
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ChalkDoodler · 18/10/2018 13:26
If the comments are happening in school then you need to speak to school so they can address it just pointing out to other children that we do not comment on the physical appearance of another student, whether that is hair, face, body size or anything else.
The primary school I volunteer in has a large long stainless steel urinal rather than individual ones in the ks1 toilets plus cubicles.
Start with school but reassure your son that people have different sized body parts the obvious one is feet and shoe size and that he has not finished growing yet. Also to have a response about not looking at his body parts for other children. The NSPCC have the pants privacy campaign. Worth looking at with your son.
ElectricMonkey · 18/10/2018 13:28
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somanybloodysticks · 18/10/2018 13:32
Thanks to comments above. Will have at look at NSPCC stuff as he is getting to an age, I supoose, where a bit of modesty wouldn't go amiss! I gave heard of this campaign.
And yeah if it starts to feel like bullying we can speak to school. Main issue at the moment is trying not to make too big a deal of it though. Im more thinking of the future.
Lovemusic33 · 18/10/2018 13:34
I don’t understand why people think op is a troll. Of course 6 year old boys see others penisis, they get dressed for PE, swimming together, OP says they go camping together and obviously urinals are not very private, it’s pretty normal for kids to be curious and look at other kids ?
OP, I think all you can do is not make a big deal about it, reassure him that we are all different and that things change as you get older.
SuchAToDo · 18/10/2018 13:35
Am I the only one finding this thread bizarre
Your son should not have to EVER think of excuses to explain penis size to ANYBODY...because nobody at school should be looking at his genitals
I am not male, I a female in mid 30's and I can honestly say I never saw anybody's private parts at school...why would anybody need to see them?..
The only way people will know his size is if he is showing them his penis, in which case tell him to stop..
Tell him to use toilet cubicle to pee rather than urinal,
And talk to the school to get any bullying nipped in the bud now before it becomes more of a thing
HopeGarden · 18/10/2018 13:40
Why wait until it turns into bullying to speak to the school?
It’s inappropriate for pupils to comment on each other’s penises, even if it’s not meant unkindly.
Seriously, if he’s getting comments at school about this, you need to speak to the school about it.
Missikat · 18/10/2018 13:40
I think some of the comments on here are awful. I also have similar concerns with my DS although have not asked any medical opinions as there have never been any other issues during which to bring it up. I think it's absolutely a valid concern as we want our children to be happy, confident individuals and I know that this particular issue can be a hugely negative thing for boys as other boys when older can be so cruel. I agree that talking on the lines of everyone having different sizes /shaped body parts from noses to feet to penises is a good thing. For those saying how have others seen his penis and surely you can't tell with little boys and that it will grow, you have clearly never been in a communal changing room after swimming with many other little children who are all running about naked. There is a real variety of sizes and shapes even in little ones. I hope you get some more useful advice OP and don't get this taken down as I'm very interested to see others advice.
Ihaventgottimeforthis · 18/10/2018 13:41
OP starts a thread to help her DS with concerns about his body, and just because its his penis she gets called a troll, creepy etc.
OP our school has communal changing rooms for the swimming pool and my DS7 is still keen on running around naked. So I'm not surprised at all that boys see each others genitals. It'll happen all their lives!
I'd go with the 'reassure and move on' advice, puberty may change everything.
Joey7t8 · 18/10/2018 13:44
Also I doubt other six year olds are commenting on the size hmm
This is all a bit odd, I’ve reported it I’m afraid
Oh for goodness sake. 6 year old boys are generally fascinated by their willies. There’ll be all sorts of innocent curiosity and comparisons going on in changing rooms and toilets - why does yours have no skin on the end; why is it bigger/smaller etc.
The OP is perfectly believable. However I’d say it’s something to worry about more once puberty has passed. It will likely grow a lot in his teens, and anyway it’s the size when erect which is the most importantly issue, and that’s the last thing that he’s not going to want to have his mum involved with.
Missikat · 18/10/2018 13:48
Suchatodo I must have gone to a very different kind of primary and secondary school as I'm similar age to you and there was communal changing in both my schools and at secondary there was an expectation for naked showering in curtain less cubicles! I know this is a sign of the times and something that would not happen for 11 and 12 year old now but my point is that many children would then and still now see others genitals in no kind of a dodgy way. I think for boys doing sport there has long been a culture of showers together, please correct me people if I'm wrong and this no longer happens. I think it's extremely sad that we have such a fear of nakedness and automatically think there is something innately wrong with seeing others naked in an appropriate situation (like a swimming pool changing area).
ItsalmostSummer · 18/10/2018 13:50
I don’t think “just reassure him and move on.” Other boys do look and comment with each other. I dont think you’re a troll. Tell him everyone is still growing. When he hits teenage years and puberty it will grow and just leave it at that. No matter what anyone says he knows then he’s still growing up. Solved.
Magicpaintbrush · 18/10/2018 13:55
A lot of threads on AIBU start off with a lot of negative (sometimes bitchy, sometimes hysterical) comments from posters who leap on to have a dig, and then after a few pages the sensible, sympathetic posters will appear and give actual constructive advice. This happens ALL the time. It gets right on my nerves actually.
MyGhoulMumsnet · 18/10/2018 13:57
Hi all. Just dropping by to say that we've had a look behind the scenes and the OP has been around for while - and their posting history doesn't lead us to think they're posting in bad faith.
Of course, we can never 100% vouch for anyone but please give the benefit of the doubt for now. And if you have any concerns about anything posted on Mumsnet, then please let us know by clicking the report link (above every post).
Blueraccoon · 18/10/2018 13:58
OP I’ve had similar concerns about my DS and don’t think you’re a troll!
With regards to the future, you seem like you’re an open family so I’m sure you will take the opportunity to talk to your son about sex in age appropriate ways as the years unfold so that by the time he becomes sexually active he will know that there is a lot more to good sex than the man having a huge whanger. If he believes this then hopefully he won’t be too concerned. Try not to worry 😊
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