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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

to invite this couple for Christmas dinner

65 replies

Quipsandquotes · 18/10/2018 12:39

My family all get together for Christmas dinner. We also occasionally invite people who don't have plans, have plans that fell through etc.

This year we'd like to ask my mum's close friends but it's a bit awkward. They usually have their daughter, son, their partners and their two grandchildren for dinner. This year, however, their DD and her husband and children are going skiing with friends, and their DS and his partner are expecting a baby in early December and want to stay at home by themselves. As a Christmas present to their parents they have paid for them to have Christmas dinner in a hotel with a drinks reception beforehand.

However the parents really don't want to spend the day in a hotel with a load of strangersand are quite upset about the whole thing. The wife was in tears to my mother the other day. My mum would love to invite them to join us for the day but is worried that their children will be annoyed that they didn't use their present.

WWBU to invite them over, or should we stay out of it?

OP posts:

ApolloandDaphne · 18/10/2018 15:21

I would just let them know that they are more than welcome to come to yours and leave it there. Then they can decide what they want to do.

CaptainCabinets · 18/10/2018 15:24

Aw, I would. Always had waifs and strays over for Christmas as I can’t bear the thought of people being lonely and unhappy on the most family-orientated day of the year!

beachysandy81 · 18/10/2018 15:30

Well invite them if you want but I would have thought they are upset about not having Christmas with their children rather than needing company on Christmas Day. Also the fact that their children bought the voucher does seem like a passive aggressive way of keeping them away from their new grandchild on Christmas Day.

Clothrabbit · 18/10/2018 15:38

Yes, I think the voucher was a rather self interested present.

ilovesooty · 18/10/2018 15:39

It looks as though their children have been reading MN and all the advice to start making your own traditions which will probably continue to involve coning their activities to your own little family

Maybe they won't attach a hotel voucher to the fuck off message in future years.

It's lovely of you to think about inviting them.

Emmageddon · 18/10/2018 15:43

I'd invite them over for supper Christmas evening, after they have had their fancy hotel Christmas dinner. That way they get to spend part of Christmas day with friends and not strangers, and also show appreciation for the generosity of their own children.

diddl · 18/10/2018 15:54

" Also the fact that their children bought the voucher does seem like a passive aggressive way of keeping them away from their new grandchild on Christmas Day."

Perhaps the new parents don't trust them to stay away?

Or maybe the kids thought that their mum had cooked for the all for so many years that she deserved a break?

But I would have thought that it's the no family rather than the meal.

PollyFlinderz · 18/10/2018 16:38

Invite them over Op.

It’s a really nice thing to do.

Loopytiles · 18/10/2018 17:05

“ I don't know anyone in real life who would leave their parents on their own for the entirety of Christmas Day unless it was completely unavoidable or the parents insisted for some reason“

Really?

One of the DC’s wife is having a baby a few weeks earlier, seems a good reason not to want to travel or host! And a family skiing holiday sounds very nice.

It’s one day.

JellySlice · 18/10/2018 18:51

Their family dynamics are not your problem.

If you want to invite them, do so, and tell them that they are welcome for whatever part of the day and as much of the day as they like (of course you specify the whatever and whenever according to how you feel). Make it an explicit invitation, not a vague "you're welcome to join us". Include a "just let us know by X date so that I can meal-plan".

moredoll · 18/10/2018 21:06

I don't agree with posters saying the parents should just suck it up and not get upset. I think most parents would be upset if a traditional family Christmas was suddenly reduced to just them on their own. I don't know anyone in real life who would leave their parents on their own for the entirety of Christmas Day unless it was completely unavoidable or the parents insisted for some reason.

It's really only on MN that I encounter the attitude that this is perfectly fine and any parent who gets upset is being manipulative or selfish.

^this times ten.

I often wonder if I grew up in a parallel universe when I read about some posters' notions of what Christmas is about, and how having guests, particularly family, will necessarily destroy their day. I imagine them sitting around after they've torn open their presents and wonder what on earth they do with the rest of the day.

Invite them for Christmas dinner. I'm sure the hotel will be happy to exchange the dinner they've been given for another date if they give enough notice.

Enjoy your Christmas. It sounds like you really capture the spirit of the day.

klondike555 · 19/10/2018 09:36

It's really only on MN that I encounter the attitude that this is perfectly fine and any parent who gets upset is being manipulative or selfish
--
I often wonder if I grew up in a parallel universe when I read about some posters' notions of what Christmas is about, and how having guests, particularly family, will necessarily destroy their day

I agree with these posters.

OP, it's very nice of you to want to include this couple in your day. Extend the invitation and then they can make a decision based on their options.

IzzyGrey · 19/10/2018 09:39

🙄 People are a bit ridiculous and high maintenance about Christmas. It's crazy that the woman cried to your mother because for one year she's not going to have her adult children with her for xmas? Invite them, but if they accept I'd encourage them to be honest with their children so they can try to get a refund. I don't mean to sound horrible but I do feel for the kids slightly. It's all a bit dramatic. Very nice of you though!

SerenDippitty · 19/10/2018 09:48

It’s lovely of you to think about inviting them.

Saying that I cannot see what is so awful about them spending Christmas together as a couple. They aren’t going to be alone are they?

RedTulip86 · 19/10/2018 09:48

MN is sometimes a verystrange place nowadays and so are people. It’s so easy to offend everybody,you go and visit you’re imposing yourself, you don’t go you don’t take any interest in the family, if you go and cook you’re taking over the kitchen. Whatever you do you’re wrong.

Oh, and don’t forget asking fir a visit and mark it in the calendar several weeks in advance.

OP, if you get on with this couple please invite them. Lonely Christmas is shit, regardless of age 💐

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