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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

How would you deal with this?

47 replies

Cloudly · 17/10/2018 23:19

Am so upset, went to collect my son from preschool today. He told me he had been bitten, I asked the staff what happened 1st staff member told me she had not seen it happen but my son did not cry, another staff member had witnessed this attack. I asked them where was he bitten I was so shocked at the bite when they showed me. Seeing this really upset me and I started questioning them further what actually happened. My son was playing in corner of the nursery on his own and this child went over just bit him. The staff who witnessed this told me my son was crying she gave him reassurance. Then she started crying because she saw my son so upset. I felt she was very caring as for the 1st staff member wasn’t really concerned I did not see any empathy coming from her. The manager came we spoke and told me that this child only recently started biting other children and there’s been few children that have been attacked by this child.
I asked if the child’s parents are aware of this and what measures are they putting in place to keep other children safe, i have told her to keep that child away from my son. The manager went onto say she will be speaking to the parent finding out what’s happening that’s making this child behave like that. Then went onto to say some children get happy or excited and they go and bite someone i never heard this in my life. Am more concerned that this child will be there when my son goes. My husband is not happy at all.

OP posts:
MrTrebus · 17/10/2018 23:20

Biting is really common it's a phase will pass. weird that the nursery worker cried as well. Not professional to do that or tell you.

NerrSnerr · 17/10/2018 23:24

Some children go through a biting phase- my daughter was bitten once at nursery but didn't happen again.

I also think it's odd the nursery nurse cried- they really should know how to manage upset children 👶

tumpymummy · 17/10/2018 23:24

Lots of toddlers go through a biting phase. It is difficult for the families but thankfully most of them grow out if quickly once they realise it us wrong.

NerrSnerr · 17/10/2018 23:24

(I didn't mean to post that emoji- although I guess it is relevant to what I was saying)

SylviaAndSidney · 17/10/2018 23:24

My son was bitten at nursery, then the week after he was scratched by the same boy. I switched nurseries, to a much better one.

Thatstheendofmytether · 17/10/2018 23:26

Yup biting is a pretty normal phase for some children to go through, most of them try it at least once. Also surprised at a nursery worker crying because a child was upset, surely she deals with upset children everyday, she can't go around crying everytime. The parents will have been informed and I'm sure the nursery do their best to keep an eye on him.

saltandvinegarcrisps1 · 17/10/2018 23:26

It's preschool so it's upsetting but not an "attack". Its not like you call in the police. Biting is bread and butter for nurseries as most children go through a biting stage. I get you are upset but hysterics about "attacks" wont help. Your DC should be taught to yell "no" when it happens yo attract attention and biter should be disciplined til they grow out of it/learn not to do it.

heatherblue · 17/10/2018 23:28

My son bit another child at a playgroup once, it was down to excitement and never happened again.

NonaGrey · 17/10/2018 23:28

Even the most delightful children can go through a biting phase when they are little.

The nursery should be watching him like a hawk until the phase passes though.

I’d be concerned about a nursery nurse crying because a child is upset though. That’s really not helpful.

Returnofthesmileybar · 17/10/2018 23:28

Ok I know you are upset but using words like attacked is only going to make the situation into something it's really not. It's a phase loads of toddlers/pre schoolers go through and it passes so once the pre school keep an extra eye on the biter then there isn't much more they can do.

Both of my dd's have been bitten, and both times I stayed calm and remembered that one day it could be my child doing the biting (luckily never happened) and to not go in like a banshee so I didn't end up eating my words Grin

The nursery worker crying is way ott and I suspect that has mas this a bigger issue than it needed to be. Did she use the word "attack" too?

MrsWembley · 17/10/2018 23:30

Been there, as mother to a biter and a bitee - horrible both sides but you deal with it and move on. Very common, it's how the parent of the biter deals with it that matters. I made quite sure that my DC knew what had happened was wrong and should not happen again. And reiterated this whenever we were with other children until I thought we were over it.

So long as the nursery staff are on the ball and keep an eye on the biter then this should be a one-off/rare occurrence. The crying was odd, though, and you shouldn't have been told!

Redyoyo · 17/10/2018 23:32

A little girl bit my dd at nursery when they were 3, 6 years on they are best friends. Some kids bite, its a phase, the little boy probably can't express himself, the nursery manager has seen this all before and isn't making a big deal out of it. The little boys parents will be mortified, what else do you think the nursery should do?

ScottishMummy12 · 17/10/2018 23:36

If it’s the first time it has happened I would just be asking the nursery to watch the other child. If it happened more than twice I would be wanting a meeting with the manager. It is probably just a phase my daughter was bitten twice in nursery but then she went through a phase were she bit 2 different children, I was devastated when she bit but it was just a phase and she is now a happy 6 year old that wouldn’t dream of biting.

Original poster
Cloudly · 17/10/2018 23:41

It was unprovoked attack from hearing from the manager this child has been biting other children. I am upset and to see my little boy telling me that he was hurt going to make me question them. As for the staff member who was crying she’s very caring and I seen her with other children very friendly, she has the caring attitude yes it is odd but that was least of my worries. Anyway professional or not she has feelings obviously she must have felt for hurt for my son. I had no problem with her getting upset in fact I reassured her she was caring for my son the way I expect.

OP posts:
Justlikedevon · 17/10/2018 23:45

You are overreacting. Be grateful your ds is not a biter, it is awful to be the mother of one who is. I certainly don't condone tiny children biting each other, but it happens. Preschools cannot be helicopters every single second. It happens and hopefully won't happen again.

user1473878824 · 17/10/2018 23:48

It wasn’t an “unprovoked attack” ffs. It’s toddlers being toddlers which shock does sometime happen - like literally everyone on this thread has said.

user1473878824 · 17/10/2018 23:48

And the crying is unprofessional and weird.

Howhot · 17/10/2018 23:53

Op you're going to need to toughen up. Is this your first? Biting is very common, it could be your little darling "attacking" children next Hmm These things happen at nursery

PedunculatedPolp · 17/10/2018 23:56

My just turned 2 year old went through a horrible biting period over the summer. My
Friend has a 2.5 year old (but they are the same size) who was also going through a biting phrase. We had both had enough of their respective biting phrases so we decided to have a play date and let them fight it out. They both bit each other, it hurt and they didn't like it. That was thankfully the end of my son's biting phrase.

Streambeam · 17/10/2018 23:58

Maybe the nursery worker cried because she was afraid of your reaction?

GreenLantern53 · 17/10/2018 23:58

i thought biting was very common tbh, although none of mine bit or have been bitten. your being way ott

Redyoyo · 18/10/2018 00:01

You are way overreacting, how can you say it was an unprovoked attack, from a toddler who probably can't even got to the toilet, if he produced a weapon that's an unprovoked attack!

JosellaPlayton · 18/10/2018 00:02

My DD has been bitten a couple of times in nursery, it’s not nice but it’s a phase that a lot of toddlers go through. It is not an ‘unprovoked attack’ ffs. You’re way overreacting and the nursery staff member’s behaviour is hysterical, unprofessional and downright bizarre. If you’re complaining about anything it should that someone that unbalanced is caring for your child.

Ineweverything · 18/10/2018 00:05

My son was the biter and the bitee. He bit only when he didn't have his nap, always in the afternoon. He recieved a circular bruise on his cheek once from a bite. These are not 'attacks'. They grow out of it.

TwinMummy1510 · 18/10/2018 00:19

My son who is 8yrs old is just growing out of his biting phase. He's autistic and although he's verbal, when he gets overwhelmed either with excitement or anger he used to revert to biting. Somehow he's never bitten any other children. Probably because he preferred to play on his own and wasn't in close contact with the other children!

However, he has a twin sister and bless her heart, she's had some awful bites from him over the years. So have I, including two which got infected so I can speak from first-hand experience of how much a bite can hurt! Understanding why a child is biting is key - hopefully the parents and the nursery staff are on the case so they can intervene. For most children it's just a phase while their language and communication skills are still maturing.

It's not nice seeing your child bitten - but it's also awful when it's your child doing the biting.