How would you deal with this?

[Cloudly]

Am so upset, went to collect my son from preschool today. He told me he had been bitten, I asked the staff what happened 1st staff member told me she had not seen it happen but my son did not cry, another staff member had witnessed this attack. I asked them where was he bitten I was so shocked at the bite when they showed me. Seeing this really upset me and I started questioning them further what actually happened. My son was playing in corner of the nursery on his own and this child went over just bit him. The staff who witnessed this told me my son was crying she gave him reassurance. Then she started crying because she saw my son so upset. I felt she was very caring as for the 1st staff member wasn’t really concerned I did not see any empathy coming from her. The manager came we spoke and told me that this child only recently started biting other children and there’s been few children that have been attacked by this child.
I asked if the child’s parents are aware of this and what measures are they putting in place to keep other children safe, i have told her to keep that child away from my son. The manager went onto say she will be speaking to the parent finding out what’s happening that’s making this child behave like that. Then went onto to say some children get happy or excited and they go and bite someone i never heard this in my life. Am more concerned that this child will be there when my son goes. My husband is not happy at all.

I wouldn't imagine there's a single nursery any where in the world that won't at one point have had a biter.
What would I do? Nothing more than you've already done. But I'd have done it without the drama.
Both my children were bitten, nursery told me and assured me they were on top of it. No one cried.

Sometimes babies and toddlers bite, it happens so fast there’s not much anyone can do to stop it in the moment, the staff will put strategies in place to try and prevent it but there is no way any nursery can guarantee that a child won’t bite or be bitten.
It’s not nice obviously but one of those things that sometimes happens.

Yabu. Lots of toddlers go through a biting phase.
It doesn't equate to an unprovocatoed assault.
I have three children. Two were bitten in nursery. One was a biter.
I too would be more concerned with the nursery workers unprofessional reaction in her emotional all response tbh.

unprovoked attack, sorry.

1. It was not an 'unprovoked attack'. It was a toddler being a normal toddler. It's not great when your child is on the receiving end but it happens. DD2 was a serial biter. Usually I bore the brunt but she bit at nursery more than once. It's an uncomfortable place to be as a parent as other parents react badly. She's almost grown up now and a model teenager - it means nothing.

1. If you're not concerned about the nursery worker, you should be. I'm a teacher - have had reception classes where biting still occasionally happens. No member of staff should be this bad at handling a common situation. You tell the biter that biting is naughty and not allowed and remove them. You comfort the bitee. You do not let the bitee think the situation is really tragic or dangerous by crying with them. That's just ridiculous and highly unprofessional. It isn't showing care for your child, it's showing an inability to cope with normal toddlers. It's not reassuring for your child, it just makes them think nursery is very scary and no one can help. The adults need to be adults. THIS is what I'd be addressing.

Honestly, this is so normal. I understand why you are upset, they are so precious & new when they are small, that the tiger mum in you can't help but be upset. But the biter, is somebody else's sweet little cherub that is just going through a phase. Lots of toddlers do, you might find yours does it too in the coming months. I was horrified when mine was bitten, I was even more mortified when mine had her own biting phase a few weeks later.

It's hard when they are so little, but you have to just learn how to roll with it. Kids are great at attracting drama, to survive, you have to learn how to shush the tiger mum in you, so that you don't over react & learn to laugh about it all. You'll drive yourself nuts otherwise 💐

My husband is not happy at all.

& you need to learn to curb your language in how you describe kids behaviour. You can't use adult descriptions when talking about a toddler, or even older kids. They aren't bad, they just go through phases & are learning as they go. They are not adults. They aren't bullies for example, they may be on the receiving end of bullying behaviour. It helps you communicate better with childcare professionals, if you make it clear that you understand that they are only little people.

Dd1 was the bitee - 6 years on the girls are still good friends & the biter is a lovely girl and fully in control of her impulses.
Dd2 is the biter & a bitee. She was always a chewy baby - way before she started i told the nursery i thought she wpuld be.
I can talk to her tell her not to do it, it's not kind to hurt your friends etc & work with her on strategies to manage frustrating situations & speak to the nursery to identify/understand the triggers and make sure they are actively looking out for them as much as I want but I can't stop it happening at nursery in the moment because it is her impulse & she's 3. Touch wood the incidents are reducing significantly in frequency and it will pass soon.
It's far far worse being the parent of the biter I promise. With a ratio of 1:8 or 1:13 staff can't be with every child all the time & allow free unstructured play.
I understand your shock & upset OP & definitely speak to the nursery mgt but these things happen.

It's just some that happens with young children. It happens so quickly that staff can't always stop it from happening. If a child is a known biter and does it often staff limit the child's interactions with the other children, and one staff member will stay close when near other children.

Op, as many have said here, biting is a normal stage - albeit one to discourage. It’s frustrating for everyone, I’m sure his parents are mortified. But unless you want to stay home with the child, or have a nanny, it’s going to happen occasionally in any group childcare. Of course it’s horrid to think of your child upset and in pain, but he has people there to look after him. If your child has a biting stage, would you be happy if other parents wanted their kids kept away from him?

Intake it this is your first child?!
Biting is so common, it's not an unprovoked attack and I can almost gusrsntee you, at some point, your child or another child you have perhaps will bite too - honestly, so common!
I suspect the nursery worker was feeling guilty, perhaps pregnant, or a bit new to this game ... it's horrible but it's transient

As for your husbands response 🤣🤣🤣🤣 tell him to work from home or be a SAHD if he's that bothered - but Nursery, play centres, tumble tots ... everywhere you'll get little biting terrors - it's just part of growing up

been with a biter and on bitee.it was so fleeting a phase I don't even remember it stopping.its very normal.
obviously scary for your dc but try not to make it a thing.let him let it pass too.fair enough you want to know how the boy is being taught no but for your dc it should be something he never remembers.

You need a new nursery. A member of staff who is crying at a perfectly normal developmental stage should not make you feel reassured. Quite the opposite in fact.

Agree with the pp.

My main concern here would be a nursery worker crying because one of the kids was upset over a bite

Over-attached, emotional, possible baby-snatcher would spring to mind tbh.

Then went onto to say some children get happy or excited and they go and bite someone i never heard this in my life.

This is perfectly true. Children today she can't always manage their emotions, and so they act out by biting or hitting. It's just a phase. It wasn't an attack.

Oh my gosh, that should say children that age.

It’s normal and the nursery worker crying is ridiculous. It would get my back up - it’s drama llama behaviour and attention seeking. I’m not sure that person has a place in a nursery if she can’t cope with a crying child without dissolving into tears herself. It probably reinforced your dc impression that it hurt and prolonged his upset.

It was unprovoked attack

Grow up - some children bite fgs

I'd of dealt with it the same way as you op, it's awful to see your child hurt/ upset because of someone else.

Saying it's common doesn't justify it at all, I have 5 children and not one of them has ever bitten anyone, they wouldn't have it in them! But they have been bitten themselves and It's angered me and so right it should if you care anything for your child.

And as for the nursery staff lady crying, she's only human she has emotions! I'd be more worried if my child was under the care of an emotionless robot who looks at it as "another day at the office"

A biting child DOES NOT define a nursery

Its a phrase.

I worked in a nursery for 6 years...
We had afew biters.
We would have one member of staff with the biter all day, but sometimes he still got to the other children, they are fast

Actually a nursery worker who bursts into tears over a child being hurt should not reassure you.
You need to calm down, assuming this is your first child you will have to get used to the fact they will have accidents and get hurt sometimes. Is it nice, nope but it happens and apart from moving your dd to a different nursery (which won't actually solve the problem) there really not much you can do the nursery will be trying their best to handle the situation, they're not likely to just be allowing a child to run about biting everyone all day are they.