To think that it's not appropriate..

[gingergenius]

For the male member of a couple I worked for two years ago to be randomly messaging me late at night.

I am still in contact with the couple for business reasons. I 'friend' a lot of people on my personal page due to the nature of my business (which they are in agreement with) but invariably, the majority of my contact is through the female party (unless a same sex couple in which case a more considered discussion will take place-otherwise I consider it most appropriate to have the female contact as my first port of call)

I have not spoken to this man directly for around 18 months. All conversations go through his wife. She's lovely and we have become friendly in a relaxed snd 'every now and then friendship' sort of way. All of a sudden over the past 3-4 nights he has 'waved' at me via fb messenger. I have ignored. I am aware there is an outstanding business issue to sign off.

He did it again tonight and I wondered if he was doing it to chase this project I have as outstanding for them. I have had a bit of backlog and I wondered if maybe his wife had asked him to get on to me instead of her doing it. so I messaged saying hi, how are you, I know I need to get some stuff over to you, he made it clear that was not why he was messaging me, so it was obvious he was contacting me for personal reasons.

He didn't say anything inappropriate but it made me feel really weird.

I told my BF about it as I had issues with a previous partner accusing me of having affairs etc (I didn't) if ever I was in contact with men without his knowledge (never ever anything other than friends or business meetings) Bf is lovely. We discussed appropriate responses etc and agreed it's weird and odd that a client should be messaging me like this.

I guess my aibu is why do I feel guilty even though I've done nothing wrong?
Aibu for feeling guilty that I've somehow brought this on myself by not reading signs correctly or misinterpreting things.

I am good at my job. But I would hate to feel that I'd done something to encourage this,

I absolutely haven't. So why do I feel guilty that this man was messaging me behind his wife's back?

Sorry. Bit of a ramble. But it totally freaked me out tonight. Just guess I'm asking for perspective,

I think you should trust your gut. This was odd and most likely behind the wife's back.

Shutting it down without comment once you realised the reason for his attempt to contact you was not business was the right thing to do.

Don't feel guilty. I think you had a booty wave and call from a man who is a bit sleazy. You didn't encourage it - you threw cold water on it by keeping to your professional persona when he kept at it.

You could try to contact the wife to check what was up, business-wise, if you wanted to be mischievous here but really, their relationship is none of your business.

God, people really can be dickheads on AIBU. I wonder that anyone starts threads on here at all, any more. Why would would you subject yourself to the stupidity?

All of a sudden over the past 3-4 nights he has 'waved' at me via fb messenger.

If this man had anything of note to say, he'd have messaged same to OP. He didn't. Instead he did some pathetic, prodding wave thing.

And the OP has a weird feeling about it. Because she has a modicum of cop on, and knows it doesn't feel right.

Jeez.

Definitely scoping you out for a bit of sexting. And had you posted in Relationships, you'd have got much nicer responses - there are loads of threads with similar stories.

I'd actually be tempted to be an asshole and send and send both the man and woman an email saying "Sorry I missed your calls and Facebook waves last night, I do not deal with business after 10 pm. I'd be happy to talk to you on the phone today during business hours"

It should fix your problem (and hers hopefully)

As an update it turns out his wife was away. I saw her fb updates from abroad and assumed they were together but yesterday she made some comment about being home and how he'd missed her!!!

Oh, was definitely dodgy!

I knew it! Dirty dog.

I would contact his wife to apologise for missing her husband’s call and ask her if they needed something from you.

YYY to that^^