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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Hiding Spending?

36 replies

Gypsyboy · 17/10/2018 20:39

I bought a bag over £100 a few weeks ago and I've been keeping it at work and using it here so my partner doesn't find out until it looks used. My colleagues think I'm mental for it but I've already spent quite a lot

AIBU hiding it (light hearted)?

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 17/10/2018 20:40

Can your family afford it?

Original poster
Gypsyboy · 17/10/2018 20:47

I'm the main earner so overall yes. No one is going without but today I've had comments that its unhealthy in a relationship etc

OP posts:
Iaimtomisbehave1 · 17/10/2018 20:50

Do you keep money split and just contribute to bills then spend what you like, or is all money "family money" which you each get some from to spend on treats?

If it's your treat money, then fine. But if you're hiding money from him and he can't have the same sort of treats then it's a very unfair relationship.

Original poster
Gypsyboy · 17/10/2018 20:59

All money is shared, they earn about half what I do for context

I'm hiding it so I don't get moaned at that I've spend X amount and already have bags

OP posts:
MakeAHouseAHome · 17/10/2018 21:02

Erm why the heck are you hiding it :-/ I earn almost double what my OH does. We split bills eaqually but the left over for each person is theirs. I probablh end up paying for more 'joint treats' as i earn more but would never ever hide something i had bought for myself with my hard earned money.

Original poster
Gypsyboy · 17/10/2018 21:08

I didn't realise it sounded weird until people at work commented. Is it unhealthy? One guy said I'm making my partner look crazy

OP posts:
WhenISnappedAndFarted · 17/10/2018 21:11

I think it's wrong, you can't tell your partner the truth because you're worried about their reaction - which does make your partner look crazy.

If I were your colleague I'd assume your partner was abusive or you've got a problem with spending too much money. It's odd to wait until it looks used just so your partner doesn't know.

AnneLovesGilbert · 17/10/2018 21:15

How would you feel if your partner spent £100 on something just got them and hid it from you?

RebelRogue · 17/10/2018 21:16

I'm impressed your partner would notice that you have a new bag.

Original poster
Gypsyboy · 17/10/2018 21:20

I wouldn't feel great but I don't comment if they bought something

God, did I just make myself look like a lunatic at work?! I really didn't think it was that odd

OP posts:
MakeAHouseAHome · 17/10/2018 21:22

Thing is would your OH A
actually say something? Or are you assuming?

Original poster
Gypsyboy · 17/10/2018 21:24

No, they actually would. I bought a £60 one about 5 months ago and it prompted comments

OP posts:
RebelRogue · 17/10/2018 21:24
  1. Is treat money fairly equal?
  2. Do you moan about your partner spending?
  3. Are you both trying to save for something big (holiday,mortgage,kids etc)?
  4. Are finances ok?

If the answers are yes,no,no,yes then yes it's unhealthy and I'd wander if your partner is controlling.
Tbh it's unhealthy anyways, you shouldn't have to feel like you have to hide things. So the assumption would be that you're either doing something wrong or you're scared/worried of your partner's reaction. Neither are good.

LightastheBreeze · 17/10/2018 21:25

DH sometimes says is that new when it’s something I have worn for ages and is almost ready to go out to the recycling

greendale17 · 17/10/2018 21:26

It’s not nice, is a bit devious and it is unhealthy.

Original poster
Gypsyboy · 17/10/2018 21:27

Yes, no, wedding and yes. We've just bought a new car and are comfortable

OP posts:
thisneverendingsummer · 17/10/2018 21:28

Of course YABU! Hmm

Anyone who spends money behind their partner's back is behaving badly.

Imagine if a man who was earning double what his wife was earning, was spending money and lying about it/hiding stuff?!

He would be handed his arse on a plate.

Tell him!

RebelRogue · 17/10/2018 21:33

@Gypsyboy why does he moan then? What's his reasoning?

You say you are saving for a wedding. Are you prepared to do this for the rest of your life?

Original poster
Gypsyboy · 17/10/2018 21:35

Because i 'already have plenty and we should be saving'

I'm actually a little shocked and feel a bit embarassed I said this at work!

OP posts:
Cornishclio · 17/10/2018 21:41

YABU in hiding it from your partner. Firstly it assumes your partner is controlling with money or that you are spending money you should be saving. If you are comfortably off and can easily afford it your partner should have no issue with it. If you are meant to be saving for your wedding then why buy the bag?

WhenISnappedAndFarted · 17/10/2018 21:41

Does he feel like he's saving his money for your wedding and then he sees you buying new things for yourself and doesn't feel it's fair?

Original poster
Gypsyboy · 17/10/2018 21:43

I don't know to be honest. I don't know if they are taking it as a me not taking the wedding saving seriously

OP posts:
Rebecca36 · 17/10/2018 21:44

Don't worry about it, most of us do it at some time or another.

Iaimtomisbehave1 · 17/10/2018 21:46

If someone started a thread saying this

"My partner is buying expensive thing a and hiding it from me. He earns twice as much as I do, but we agree that all money is family money. And we agreed to save for our wedding and future. But he's now buying stuff he doesn't need and it's expensive. We have money for treats, so I don't think he should be spending extra money like this too. Who is wrong?"

We would all say he was wrong.

You've agreed to save. You share money. So you should both have an allowance for treats, pay the bills and save the rest. If you are going over the treat allowances then you need to fess up, apologise and stop it.

Original poster
Gypsyboy · 17/10/2018 21:51

I earn around £40k so is £100 every so often deemed expensive?

OP posts: