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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To say no to this.

75 replies

Thisgirlcant · 17/10/2018 18:34

I've cleaned for an elderly lady for the past 5 yrs. Recently she's started with dementia so I've started doing some some shopping for her as well. She only has an elderly cousin who is her next of kin so a solicitor is looking after all her money. I email them the receipts from any shopping i do and my hours and they transfer the money to me.

The solicitors message me to tell me they'd given my client some money and could I ask her to give me some to do her shopping, she refused saying it's her money and I was to get it off the solicitors, she's a bit confused so doesn't quite get it.

I told the solicitor she wouldn't give me any money, they replied saying they could transfer this weeks money I'd spent but the ladies attorney is on holiday till early November and I will either have to get the money off her or use my own cash which will be refunded to me when her attorney is back.

Wibu to say I don't want to keep spending my own money to do this ladies shopping for the next few weeks and also there's my pay which I won't be getting.

I'm a bit Shock that they expect me, the cleaner to cover her expenses.

OP posts:
Missingstreetlife · 21/10/2018 17:26

They are having a laugh.
Just say no, no ifs, no buts, just you're not doing it.
Keep receipts, scan and send. Get money upfront on a weekly basis.

Spudlet · 21/10/2018 17:28

I'd walk away op - this poor lady needs a carer, and that's not what you are. Her solicitors sound as though they're just trying to save themselves the trouble of finding someone by taking advantage of you.

Poor woman, but if you're not careful you could end up being accused of all sorts. Make sure you get everything in writing and don't let yourself be backed into a corner.

LizzieBennettDarcy · 21/10/2018 17:30

Phone Social Services. Leaving an elderly lady with dementia without food is inexcusable, and the solicitor needs to pull their finger out. This lady needs care, and as a cleaner, this isn't something you should be remotely responsible for. It may sound drastic but this lady has needs that aren't being met, and all the solicitor is concerned about is their fee being paid.

The solicitor is charging £1000s to administer this lady's finances. Remember that. I'd be very very careful here about what you take on. Social Services will be able to do a thorough care assessment, and if there are funds, the lady will be looked after in the way she deserves to be.

Missingstreetlife · 21/10/2018 17:30

If you go on Tuesday they can send money to your bank Monday. It takes 5 minutes. If they don't, ring them while you are there and ask them to come immediately or you are making a safeguarding complaint.
Tell the nok relative what a shower of sh.. they are

IAmRubbishAtDIY · 21/10/2018 17:43

I'd just phone social services anyway tbh. How does she wash? Do laundry? Do you cook for her?

Fundays12 · 21/10/2018 17:46

I would say no I can’t afford to do that. If it’s to much of an inconvenience to transfer money weekly for the solicitor could they set a shopping budget monthly and transfer that in advance instead? You then provide receipts etc at the end of the month and additional money is carried over?

diddl · 21/10/2018 17:49

That is the most ridiculous thing I've heard-she can't manage money-so they have given her soe to pay you with.

Wtaf?

They sound useless!

Not sure how far away they are-but if nothing else they could do an online shop to be delivered to them or you & taken to her.

billybagpuss · 21/10/2018 18:04

Dear Mr Solicitor, I am a cleaner, I am not in a position to and neither should I be expected to pay for your clients food out of my own money. When this situation has arisen in the past it left me and my family short. I suggest you find an alternative arrangement. I will happily continue to clean and shop for her but will require the money for the shopping in advance. Yours Thisgirldefinitelywon't.

Original poster
Thisgirlcant · 21/10/2018 18:04

She does have carers come in four times a day and I've spoken to a man (works for he council.I think) who has sorted the care for her, he's very nice so I'll ring him tomorrow and tell him what a shower the solicitors are. I'm still gobsmacked at their stupidity! And lack of organisation, especially she they'll be getting a damp sight more than me for 'looking after' her money.

She's already had a large amount of money gone missing but we're sure she's hidden it and can't remember. She accused her friend of stealing it and luckily I wasn't there that day. Her friend is lovely by the way!

OP posts:
WindDoesNotBreakTheBendyTree · 21/10/2018 18:06

On what contractual basis are they asking you to do this?
I would not want to be in a position of asking for money from a vulnerable elderly lady with dementia. That's without the financial outlay.
I would remind them that your are contracted to provide cleaning and related services, not care.

bimbobaggins · 21/10/2018 18:06

It doesn’t matter if you can afford it or not, it’s the responsibility of the solicitor to facilitate the woman’s finances not be left up to you being out of pocket for weeks on end.
Who pays you for the cleaning?
They don’t want to be out of pocket themselves so won’t pay upfront

diddl · 21/10/2018 18:09

"They don’t want to be out of pocket themselves "

And yet it isn't even their money!

Willow2017 · 21/10/2018 18:12

Def put in a strongly worded email..
You are not her carer.
She has POA for a reason.
You will not be buying her shopping nor working for free until they can be bothered to pay you.
I would also be asking SS about carers scheme to ensure this lady has adequate self care, eating proper meals when you are not there etc. Its not your responsibility and you are vulnerable when she has money in the house and you dont know what she is doing with it when you arent there. You could be blamed for any money going missing.

I would tell them where to stick their job tbh they are expecting a cleaner/carer/shopper who is willing to do all that for one wage and wait until it suits them to be paid/reimbursed. Very unprofessional and dodgy.

Also tell POA what they are doing, they can ask to see the accounts held on behalf of this lady and if they are not using it properly they can complain and change solicitors.

Willow2017 · 21/10/2018 18:13

Oops sorry x posted.

DPotter · 21/10/2018 18:14

You're being very kind.
Totally agree with everyone else - they are so wrong in expecting
a) an elderly lady with dementia to hand over her money to you.
b) you to use your money and not be paid for 4-6 weeks

The solicitors are not doing their job properly. You don't have to be around people with dementia for very long to understand money can be a major source of stress and worry for them. It's completely inappropriate for the solicitor to expect her to pay you - that's what a power of attorney is meant to sort out.
I agree with others make contact with Social Services and get back to the solicitors as well saying the reason they have power of attorney to to look after this lady's financial affairs - expecting her to pass money on to you is just downright negligent.

Please be careful Thisgirlcant - its very easy to get sucked into situations like this and for all the right reasons find yourself on the wrong side of acceptable / legal. When dealing with people with dementia and their families / attorneys everything has to be completely above board. Strictly speaking your should have a contract or letter stating the terms under which you work, so that everyone is clear as to how does what.

BewareOfDragons · 21/10/2018 18:14

I would phone social services as well. This is appalling, and they were bang out of order expecting you, an employee, to magically be able to cover all their wealthy client's costs up front while they piss about taking holidays. Not your responsibility!

They are failing in their duty of care to this poor lady.

Jux · 21/10/2018 18:16

And they're not prepared to pay you for your time and cleaning - your actual job - until this other solicitor comes back. I would tell them that until at least your wages are paid that you cannot help at all. And I would also say that you will come and do your normal clean on Wednesday/Thursday assuming this has been sorted out by then.

Original poster
Thisgirlcant · 21/10/2018 18:24

Thankyou all for the advice it's certainly got me thinking. I will ring social services tomorrow. I absolutely agree that getting me to ask this lady for money is ridiculous. Poor lass is confused enough without having any more things confusing and upsetting her.
Like I said she did lose a large sum of money so giving her any more is just stupid.

I've never dealt with solicitors before, I hope most aren't this daft!

OP posts:
Glumglowworm · 21/10/2018 18:28

Solicitors generally never seem to have much of a rush about them

You definitely shouldn’t be working and shopping for her for free until they can be arsed to pay you

Tbh they should’ve had the foresight to appoint more than one solicitor as attorney. If she goes on mat leave or long term sick they will have a costly problem to get someone else appointed.

If anyone is bearing the costs until the attorney returns it should be the solicitors, as they’re the ones being paid to manage this woman’s affairs.

Absolutely ridiculous of them to think that they can explain it to her and she’ll understand and retain that information. The entire reason they have POA is that she doesn’t have capacity for this sort of thing!

MotherofTerriers · 21/10/2018 18:29

How about asking them to give you a float - say £500, you withdraw from that for your cleaning fees and any shopping, email them receipts/bill for your time and they top it up to £500 again. That's no more bother for them to organise and means you're not out of pocket

Ilikeknitting · 21/10/2018 18:33

Sorry love, but they’re taking you for a ride. Quit doing shopping and cleaning, before you end up out of pocket.

Myimaginarycathasfleas · 21/10/2018 18:34

You might consider alerting social services - this lady sounds very vulnerable. Adult Social Care is the team you need. I’m concerned that her solicitors have Power of Attorney, as by the sound of it they are not acting in her best interests.

AdoraBell · 21/10/2018 18:34

DrunkenUnicorn has it spot on. Rinse and repeat. Don’t let them push you into this.

LeftRightCentre · 21/10/2018 18:35

I go on Tuesday, what do I do? I can hardly leave the lady with no food! As I said I can afford to cover her costs but feel the solicitors should have been a damn sight more organised.

Yes, you can. Do not put yourself in the position of spearheading her care or SS will soon be using you entirely as a default carer and her solicitors, too.

Email the solicitor and tell her asking the lady for money for her shopping doesn't work for you as she has dementia so you will no longer be providing the shopping service.

Puzzledandpissedoff · 21/10/2018 18:39

First things first, OP - call the solicitors first thing on Monday and tell them that, unless they transfer what's owed to your bank that day, you won't be going on Tuesday - and mean it

Also call the SS emergency team and tell them that because she's got nothing to eat they need to contact her carers NOW to get some shopping in. Ignore any excuses or "shesinameeting" and don't engage at all beyond delivering your message

Once you've been paid I'm afraid I'd walk away from this whole situation. It's unlikely to get better any time soon, and this is the carers'/SS's job to sort with the solicitors, not yours as a cleaner