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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

...to think my teen DD is a selfish git?

47 replies

MyNameIsFartacus · 17/10/2018 13:51

Disclaimer : I know that teenagers are intrinsically selfish and thoughtless gits anyway but wow, this has pissed me off!

I worked last night, an extra night shift, i work at a hospital as a HCA and it's pretty exhausting, and have spent the day so far lying semi comatose on the sofa with the dogs who will bark if I go to bed.

My 16 year old DD came home from college and I dared to say "please could you make me a cup of tea?" as she walked into the kitchen - to which she replied "no, the kettle's just here", I said please, she still said no etc and then it descended into a monologue of how her life in general is all my fault (of course it is) while I reminded her that I had worked the sodding night shift partly to pay for things she needs. And pointed out the things she has had me running round for over the last few days.

She still didn't make me a cuppa, FML.

I hate teenagers.

OP posts:
MemoryOfSleep · 17/10/2018 13:54

Yes, teenagers are selfish gits. I was told it's a biological thing. The friction is designed to make her want to move out and you to let her.

eelbecomingforyou · 17/10/2018 13:55

No, YANBU. Most of them seem to go throgh pretty selfish phases...

I hope you didn't make a meal for your dd, or do any of her washing... How mean of her.

Tinty · 17/10/2018 13:57

Oh the joys of parenthood. Hopefully she has a nice side and occasionally makes you a cup of tea.

It sounds like she was feeling sorry for herself over some slight problem enormous drama to a teenager which made her grumpy with you when you had the audacity to ask her to make you a cup of tea.

Do you cook her dinner? Just make yourself some and when she asks where hers is, say the kitchen is that way. Grin.

Just kidding just leave hers in the Oven and get it out after yours.

Original poster
MyNameIsFartacus · 17/10/2018 13:59

Can someone make me a cup of tea? I asked the dog who said she would but she can't Sad

Thing is I had already said I'd go and pick her up at 9pm tonight, maybe she can walk.....

OP posts:
Original poster
MyNameIsFartacus · 17/10/2018 14:00

......crawls off sofa.......

OP posts:
BitOutOfPractice · 17/10/2018 14:02

When she reminds you about the lift, say "no, you can walk, your feet are just over there"

They can be selfish, then they can be gorgeous and we forget about the selfish,

Hope someone makes you a cuppa soon OP Thanks

LifesABeachCoaster · 17/10/2018 14:03

I would not be doing any favours for her such as, you know; washing her clothes, giving her lifts, making her food.

Original poster
MyNameIsFartacus · 17/10/2018 14:06

I shall not be forgetting this one, she is MONUMENTALLY selfish, she literally doesn't care! My 8 year old would have offered to make me one, she is still nice and squishy. I am making myself one and feeling very petty indeed

OP posts:
YearOfYouRemember · 17/10/2018 14:27

I don't buy all teenagers are selfish. I have three and they may try it on but tell them they are out of order and they will learn.

OP, I'll come and make you a cup of tea, an epic sandwich and a cake if you want.

EdisonLightBulb · 17/10/2018 14:29

This would make me very angry, and I have had teens, I actually love teens more than babies, but...

I would also say everytime she needed you to do anything "Oh the washing machine is right there", "oh, but that's my money" "oh, the kitchen is that way"

She will learn, eventually.

Volant · 17/10/2018 14:29

I think you need to tell her that tonight's lift is off the table. It needs to be brought home to her that, if she is going to ask for favours, she needs to be prepared to reciprocate - and that if she can't demonstrate a normal degree of kindness and consideration then she can't expect it in return.

Or, of course, you can say that you're too exhausted through lack of tea.

diddl · 17/10/2018 14:30

That's really bad imo.

Selfish, self absorbed-can be, yes-but to the point of cba to make a cup of tea for her own mum who has worked a night shift?

And to make a smart arsed remark as well.

Must be tempting to stop doing anything at all for her.

Aprilislonggone · 17/10/2018 14:30

My ds 14 text me at 8 while he was on the school bus. Could I meet him off the bus, bring him home for a shower (apparently it would only run cold for him this morning) not go to work as I need to until he has washed his hair and I have dropped him back at school?!?!
I just ignored the stream of messages in the end!!

diddl · 17/10/2018 14:32

She wants a lift tonight?

Missed that!

Oh hahahahaha!

She can walk or pay for a taxi out of pocket money, can't she?

Sexnotgender · 17/10/2018 14:33

That’s rubbish!!

My DD is 14 and is more lazy than selfish. She does make me tea when asked though.

DuploRelatedInjury · 17/10/2018 14:33

YANBU. Tea duty wasn't optional when I was a teen. Big brother was somewhat miffed when I went to university as it all defaulted back to him (until I got home for holidays).

Mine aren't old enough to make me a cuppa yet, sadly!

TheFairyCaravan · 17/10/2018 14:35

God that's mean. I would be making me and the 8 yo dinner this evening and telling her the cooker is just over there. The same for washing, ironing etc. I'm not usually of the mindset that teenagers should fend for themselves but I think she needs to.

I'd make you a cup of tea OP.

TheFairyCaravan · 17/10/2018 14:37

I missed the bit about the lift. Absolutely no way would I be out picking her up. I'd be in bed with a nice cup of tea at 9pm.

ShadowHuntress · 17/10/2018 14:40

I agree with a few other pp. This takes selfish to the limit imho. I also don’t agree that all teenagers are selfish. I’ve met plenty who aren’t. My neighbour has two teenage ds’s who come home from school and have dinner ready for their mum as she works shifts. I know they can be self absorbed at times but you asked her for a favour and she said no even after you explained why you were tired. Not on

Shockers · 17/10/2018 14:41

I once pointed out my hourly rate of pay to teen DS- then worked out how many hours it took me to earn enough for various items of his that I’d paid for.

He was much quieter about his life being ‘unfair’ after that.

Rhiannon13 · 17/10/2018 14:41

OP, have you read 'Blame My Brain: The Amazing Teenage Brain Revealed' OP?

All parents of teenagers/ pre-teenagers should read this (as well as the teenagers themselves, if they'll agree to)! It helps to explain this kind of behaviour, and while it doesn't excuse rudeness it does clarify why a lot of it is happening. Possibly the most helpful book I've ever read!

Original poster
MyNameIsFartacus · 17/10/2018 14:43

Am feeling justified and utterly humbled by the offers of tea (and cake,yum!) Lift is definitely off tonight, I don't care if she has to carry her bass guitar home for miles!

OP posts:
KurriKurri · 17/10/2018 14:54

Yup - answer to every request from her from now on is 'sorry I'm busy making my own cup of tea'

BeaTrewts · 17/10/2018 15:02

Mine did a food shop at the supermarket, and paid for me to go to the cinema with her the other day, so they're not all bad.

Mamabearx4 · 17/10/2018 15:08

Oh i have 2 one more so then other.
Last night she kept me up till 2am as she had tummy pains. (I called 111 and woke dad) but as soon as i said dad will take you if you need to see dr it suddenly got better. This morning shes been moping saying it wasnt that bad, and i over reacted. She was rolling around on floor. I couldnt take her as i have a baby hubby wont hear if she woke (hard of hearing).