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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

...to think my teen DD is a selfish git?

47 replies

MyNameIsFartacus · 17/10/2018 13:51

Disclaimer : I know that teenagers are intrinsically selfish and thoughtless gits anyway but wow, this has pissed me off!

I worked last night, an extra night shift, i work at a hospital as a HCA and it's pretty exhausting, and have spent the day so far lying semi comatose on the sofa with the dogs who will bark if I go to bed.

My 16 year old DD came home from college and I dared to say "please could you make me a cup of tea?" as she walked into the kitchen - to which she replied "no, the kettle's just here", I said please, she still said no etc and then it descended into a monologue of how her life in general is all my fault (of course it is) while I reminded her that I had worked the sodding night shift partly to pay for things she needs. And pointed out the things she has had me running round for over the last few days.

She still didn't make me a cuppa, FML.

I hate teenagers.

OP posts:

MovingThisYearHopefully · 17/10/2018 15:14

I feel your pain OP. I have 2 of the lazy selfish little bastards! I stupidly did too much for them growing up to make up for my own shite upbringing, so have made a rod for my own back. Arseholes! When does it end?

TemptressofWaikiki · 17/10/2018 15:16

That's a bit too old to be that selfish though. Not all teenagers are this entitled. I think that is more down to her individual attitude/personality. I'd teach her a lesson and cease all lifts and other offers. She would be making her own food, laundry etc.

nokidshere · 17/10/2018 15:16

I combatted this early on when they turned about 13. Every time they said no to me I ignored and carried out task myself. The next time they asked me for something I just said no and ignored moans.

nokidshere · 17/10/2018 15:18

Meant to add, they never say no now - works a treat and no rows

TheFreaksShallInheritTheEarth · 17/10/2018 15:20

Teenagers can be like that...

I remember my otherwise wonderful daughter who, after I'd done a lot of driving her around over several days, got annoyed when I asked her to babysit for 2 hours because I was working. "Oh I have to pay you back for lifts now, do I?"
I told her future lifts were cancelled until she understood that helping and doing favours should always be a two way thing! She he was very contrite, to be fair.

OP, I'm sure your DD will grow out of it in time!

POPholditdown · 17/10/2018 15:27

Gosh, when I was younger I used to have a cuppa waiting for my mum everyday. She ‘only’ worked part time but a split day shift so would come home for half hour at 4pm.

It gave her an extra 5 minutes to have a quick cig before jetting back off to the late shift.

Willow2017 · 17/10/2018 15:42

When she reminds you about the lift, say "no, you can walk, your feet are just over there"

😂😂😂😂😂
Fabulous comeback.

My 16yr old ds is a selfish lazy bugger most of the time (he will do stuff when asked but i need to tell him a few times) but he has his moments when i recognise my cuddly, helpful wee boy.😀
Ds2 13y old is still cuddly and helpful and sympathetic but there is now flashes of stroppy teen here and there...if he turns into his brother i am leaving home😀

BewareOfDragons · 17/10/2018 15:54

No lift.

And have her cook her own dinner.

PlinkPlink · 17/10/2018 15:57

Yeah Bit of tough love OP. She'll survive.

As you are obviously to blame for ALLLL her problems, showing want a lift from the woman who caused them all

Time for her to learn that if she wants all the stuff she gets from you, she needs to give a little too.

She'll grumble but ultimately, she'll learn.

PhannyMcNee · 17/10/2018 15:58

Oh I feel your pain.

I struggle with how erratic it is - so mostly lovely and thoughtful then a little curve ball of arsehole is thrown in!

This weeks gem was that it is my fault she has written off my car in a driving lesson with her dad because I didn’t leave it parked with the wheels straight

MaryDollNesbitt · 17/10/2018 16:02

Take the money from the extra night shift and treat yourself. Make sure she knows it too

InspectorIkmen · 17/10/2018 16:03

if she can't demonstrate a normal degree of kindness and consideration then she can't expect it in return

Absolutely this. I’ve brought up teenagers and of course you expect a degree of difficulty but one thing I instilled was that unkindness and petty meanness of spirit would not be tolerated. I meant it too. I despise unkindness. Anyway - maybe it’s luck and maybe design but I have lovely kind and thoughtful adults now.
Good luck with yours OP and don’t stand for mean shit!

Quipsandquotes · 17/10/2018 16:20

She sounds really rude and I certainly wouldn't be giving her a lift anywhere tonight after that cheeky response.

PoptartPoptart · 17/10/2018 17:27

If I ask DS to make me a cup of tea/load the dishwasher/whatever, and he says no, my response is a cheery ‘ok that’s fine, I’ll remember that the next time you ask me to do something’ - all said in a very matter of fact way with a smile.
This is usually enough for him to think twice and do whatever I’ve asked because he knows that the next time he wants something I’ll say no.

Wearywithteens · 17/10/2018 22:11

This reply has been withdrawn

This has been withdrawn at the poster's request.

Kirbs1979 · 17/10/2018 22:22

I use to make my mum a coffee when I was a teenager however I always made it so badly she'd only ask me if neither of my sister's were there and she really really couldn't be bothered. I'm sure karma will bite me in the arse for that when my 2 are teenagers

Shockers · 18/10/2018 06:50

kirbs, that just reminded me of the time, during the powercuts of the 70s when I presented my mum with a cuppa on my return from school. She’d been napping with my baby brother and drank it gratefully.

“Is the electricity back on?” She asked.

“No.”

“How did you boil the kettle then?”

“I didn’t- I ran the tap till it was really hot!” Said I, proudly.

We had gas central heating .

HareandhoundsoftheBaskervilles · 18/10/2018 07:11

Mine would probably have made the tea in that scenario but is currently a huge fan of ‘all my friends thing xyz decision you made is ridiculous’ and ‘none of my friends’ parents do xyz thing I have done’. I have explained in very simple terms that I won’t be peer pressured by the alleged comments of her friends and I don’t give a shiny shit what rules other parents do/don’t have. It is very tiresome though.

Posters who ‘love the teen years’ are lucky. I adore my dc of course. However their teen years are very wearing - I have several other friends alongside me who feel the teen years are aging us 5-10yrs were the honeymoon years! I do hear they will come out of this rude and selfish phase though. Fingers crossed.

MyNameIsNotSteven · 18/10/2018 07:17

Any apology from your DD OP?

Frouby · 18/10/2018 07:22

Ahhh OP, they are awful.

Asked mine (14) yesterday to wash hers and ds plates. This is after I have been up since 5am to work/see to pets/get house ready for decorator etc etc etc. Huge flounce because she doesn't like washing pots because food might touch her hands.

So I listed all the things I don't like doing. Including working to pay for her daytrip that costs £40 on sunday. Moody Mary begrudgingly washed pots while looking resentful.

She has also decided she wants to go to uni in the next city so she can come home at weekends etc. FML. Am steering her towards far away as am looking forwards to a quiet, peaceful non teenage infested house in 4 years. If she goes to the next town the fucker will be bouncing back like a bleeding boomerang.

needsahouseboy · 18/10/2018 07:48

Simple next time she asks you to do something for her don't and remind her that you are not her slave and if she is so unwilling to make you a cuppa then you won't be doing anything for her.

Willow2017 · 18/10/2018 14:11

I have explained in very simple terms that I won’t be peer pressured by the alleged comments of her friends and I don’t give a shiny shit what rules other parents do/don’t have

I have said similar on so many occasions i though about just recording it on my phone and pressing play every time😀

If she goes to the next town the fucker will be bouncing back like a bleeding boomerang.
😂😂😂

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