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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

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Original poster

To want to work full time

73 replies

Sunshineandreign · 17/10/2018 09:24

So I currently have a lovely job working part time with the option of home working when it suits me. Im also able to re gig my time around school demands, parents evening trips etc.
Ive recently been contacted about a role which is full time a fantastic career opportunity and huge pay rise,but it will mean I will have to put dc in breakfast club and find afterschool care untill I get home which would be 7.30/8pm.
Which means I will barely see dc in the week.
AIBU to accept?

OP posts:

MisstoMrs · 17/10/2018 21:52

Cherries101, you’re being rude and making assumptions about both what I have said, and me. I agree, this exchange should end here. There is nothing else to say because it is not a discussion.

Iizzyb · 17/10/2018 21:59

Would it help you to imagine life 15 years ahead? Dc's are grown up. Would you be happy having spent and seen so little of dc's during their childhood?

I have debated something similar op but it would have given school holidays off.

I concluded it was too much to be away from ds. You might think differently and you're entitled to. They do still need a lot of your attention though as they grow up. It's just different to the attention & care they need as babies.

Your decision at the end of the day x

HunterHearstHelmsley · 17/10/2018 22:03

I wouldn't work those hours even without children. Flexibility is massively underrated. Getting home at that time means that during the week all you will be doing is working. It's just not worth it.

Amaaboutthis · 17/10/2018 22:06

If you decide to take it then I would highly suggest that you have someone to pick them up from school, feed them and do dinner and bath rather than using an after school club or childminder. I don’t think it’s fair to have them out of the house until 7/8pm but if you have in home care then I think it would be ok

forwhatyouare · 17/10/2018 22:07

Thanks for posting OP. I'm in a similar situation, only it would mean leaving my house at 7am and arriving back at 7pm. DS of 11 months would go into full time childcare.

He's a breastfed mad mummies boy. The job is a massive opportunity for me. Going from £18K locally to £32K a year

Awful situation. The job would provide so much for us. But is it worth leaving my precious boy for so long?

blueshoes · 17/10/2018 22:19

If I were you I would go for an interview and then push hard to negotiate some working from home days and/or shorter hours on some days, if they made me an offer.

I agree with this. Makes a massive difference to a fulltime job.

On the long hours in childcare, a live-in aupair is pretty good at this school age to do the wrap around care. She can take them to school and home after school and they have snacks and some down time until you get home. Pretty soon, they will be going to bed later and you will see them. Working from home some days will be even better.

It sounds like you want this job. I'd say take it. 6-8 is not that little. They will get progressively easier quite quickly. Build up seniority and expertise now. They may very well need you more when they are older and have friendship issues or upcoming GCSEs, A-levels. By that point, you will be in a much more senior position and control your time better and negotiate flexible agile working.

Do it. The seniority is great. It gets easier to earn more money the more senior you get. My pay rises on promotion are at least 30% off a high base. Makes such a big difference to be able to have nice holidays and put aside a sum for the dcs' future.

WillowB · 17/10/2018 22:21

I think those days are too long personally.
No point in having the extra cash if you're too busy/tired to enjoy it.

HereForTheLineEyes · 17/10/2018 22:22

If it was me I wouldn't take the new job, no. My grandmother had a nanny for my mum and her siblings and mum will always say she was brought up by the nanny.

I know you think you have the weekends, but there'll be lots of "life-admin" stuff you have to get done and often that eats into Saturdays and Sundays . I worked F/T when my first DC was small and it was really, really hard work. I felt like I was madly rushing from one thing to the next trying to be a great mum and a great employee and keep on top of the housework and everyone's appointments and maintain friendships and I was failing at all of it. Even during the weekends I felt pressure to have fun with the DS and make it special because that's all the time we had. It was too much for me.

If this new job isn't very flexible how will you manage the parent teacher interviews/school plays/dentist and Dr appointments/kids being off sick from school? Is it a job that you can see working with family life and all the demands that come with that?

I can see why you're tempted, but I wouldn't do it. I would look into other ways of enriching your life and stimulating your brain that doesn't leave you with 2 hours a day with them. Maybe look for a different job or volunteer for a cause you really feel passionate about.

CalmConfident · 17/10/2018 22:28

Explore flexibility and dynamic working.

Could you do compresses week (5 days in 4) or a “split shift style” I.e. finish earlier but then do 2 hours post bedtime ?

CalmConfident · 17/10/2018 22:29

Blueshoes - great advice

Notcontent · 17/10/2018 22:36

I think this would be very difficult and actually, your children are likely to need you more as they get older. There will come a stage when they are too old for a nanny (and a nanny would not meet their needs anyway) but they need a parent around - just to chat to, provide moral support, help with homework and revision if need be, etc.

InDubiousBattle · 17/10/2018 22:59

I agree with Notcontent, I think you will struggle to find really good childcare for the hours you will need it.

blueshoes · 17/10/2018 23:11

A live-in aupair is the answer at this age. They don't need a parent now as much as if they were older, say around 10 plus. OP should get the seniority under her belt now.

She can always quit if it does not work out, but to let go of this golden opportunity for career development at this relatively easy stage of her dcs' lives would be a shame.

Career women who keep their hand on the throttle will start to seriously pull ahead. OP will have to get organised but it is do-able and can actually be quite fun - if you have a good aupair, but that is a whole other story.

Amaaboutthis · 18/10/2018 23:32

I agree with Notcontent, I think you will struggle to find really good childcare for the hours you will need it.

Not necessarily. I found it easy to find an older lady who picks up my kids, makes them dinner, supervises homework until I get home. She’s extremely reliable and the kids really like her.

BackforGood · 18/10/2018 23:49

I wouldn't work those hours even without children. Flexibility is massively underrated. Getting home at that time means that during the week all you will be doing is working. It's just not worth it

This ^

I know some people don't have the option, but if you do, who would choose to be out of the house over 12 hours solid, 5 days a week, just for work ?? I work to live, not live to work. I enjoy my job, There have been times in my life when I have worked that many hours across the week - but with some flexibility over what time I come home and when I choose to pick up work during evenings or weekends, not solidly out of the house and unavailable - but my perspective changed when I had dc, as did dh's. It is a huge part of your life that you factor in to those big decisions.

Original poster

Sunshineandreign · 19/10/2018 07:49

Hmm I think you misunderstand they are the hours Id be out the house not working.

Where I live a commute is generally 1hr or more for most jobs unless you are working in the corner shop.

As said before, in terms of childcare schools run breakfast clubs for this reason otherwise no one could do a job with a 9am start, and I have in house childcare for 3 evenings already.

Nevertheless I decided to go for it and see if I could negotiate two days working from home as others said. So the flexibility would be loSt in terms of me being the pta mum who does the school trips but I would still be there two evenings.

Thanks everyone for the insight.

OP posts:

squadronleader87 · 19/10/2018 08:09

That's great OP! Fingers-crossed it all works out for you.

MisstoMrs · 19/10/2018 08:45

That’s a good compromise OP. I work part time, 3 short days a week, but still try and do one day from home. I can wash and dry three loads of washing (in the tumble) while making a cup of tea and whip round the bathrooms, dusting and hoovering in my lunch break. It’s not glam but it means the weekends are pretty much family time, apart from the ironing, and I feel better knowing I’m on top of the basics, beds etc.

CalmConfident · 19/10/2018 15:24

If you go on conference calls get a great wireless / Bluetooth headset - amazing how much multitasking is possible on working at home days!

lljkk · 19/10/2018 15:31

Glad you decided to go for it. :)

Catmatrat · 19/10/2018 15:36

I’m just doing the opposite. Reducing hours to drastically cut down breakfast club and after school care. Not because I want to spend more time with them (bad Mum) but because that extra time picking them up adds on so much to the evening routine and makes me feel so stressed.

I would say don’t do it.

eightytwenty · 21/10/2018 15:45

This reply has been deleted

Message withdrawn at poster's request.

CheesyMother · 21/10/2018 19:39

I would say it's definitely worth applying and seeing how flexible they can be with you. If they like you, they may well be happy for you to work from home one or even two days a week. They might even be ok with you working 4.5 days a week (or 9.5 days a fortnight) with the half day when you are working from home, which would allow you to spend one evening with your kids. With the pay increase, you should also be able to afford to take parental leave for a week or two over the summer holidays in addition to your usual holiday so you will get plenty of quality time with them in the school holidays.

You're not making the decision to take the job (assuming you get it) when you apply - the interview process is as much for you to decide how well the new job would suit you as much as it is for them to see if they like you.

If you already have a nanny share for three days who presumably you trust and who has a good relationship with your children then you are in a better position than most! Would you be able to extend that nanny to five days if you did get the job? Or would it have to be a different childcare option?

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