To want to work full time

[Sunshineandreign]

So I currently have a lovely job working part time with the option of home working when it suits me. Im also able to re gig my time around school demands, parents evening trips etc.
Ive recently been contacted about a role which is full time a fantastic career opportunity and huge pay rise,but it will mean I will have to put dc in breakfast club and find afterschool care untill I get home which would be 7.30/8pm.
Which means I will barely see dc in the week.
AIBU to accept?

Sorry just seen your response re support- are you a single parent then?

@namelesswonder I haven’t seen anyone degirating the OP. The fact that people have opposing views doesn’t make them criticisms of how other people do it.

I’d definitely go for it. Your family will benefit in other ways like more financial security, you being happier and more present because you feel mentally fulfilled, plus it’ll be a good stepping stone to future jobs.

Just because you’re a mum doesn’t mean that’s all you are, if you feel it’d be good for you mentally and you want to get back into full time work you should. You’re making sure your kids are cared for. Good luck.

I went full time when DS was 10, he's 13 now. I'm a single Mum and I still struggle fitting everything in even though he helps out with cleaning, he cooks twice a week for when I get home from work. It impacts on weekends because I need to use one of the days sorting everything out for the week ahead whereas before I had a day in the week when he was in school.
It's a big change is all I would say and it stretches you outside of work as well, far more than you expect.

Do it but get a cleaner

I agree with Worra. Week in week out I think it would take its toll on them and then you.
Everything would fall on you, I think if there was a partner on the scene it could be doable but not as you're on your own.

If I had to do it for financial reasons, then I would. But no way if I could manage without.

They're quite young and that's a long day. I couldn't give up that time with my children.

Do you honestly think it would be best for your children?? Their needs have to come first not your boredom.

I'm a huge supporter of children growing up seeing both their parents working. However, these days just seem too long. You basically wouldn't see your kids at all during the week. Putting kids into childcare for that length of time is just pretty much outsourcing all parenting, and it seems like a miserable life for a child to be in childcare for pretty much all their waking hours. Isn't there something with more 9-5 hours?

Do what works for you and ignore those who denigrate you for doing something different to them
Well firstly it needs to work for all three of them, not just op.
And it isn't about denigrating anyone. It's about the reality of how will a 6 and 8 Yr old cope long term barely seeing their only parent. A rushed morning of getting dressed and out, then basically a quick chat and bed? Then weekends get full of chores and there's so much pressure to have fun and enjoy each other.

Personally I think it's a lot without another parent, which isn't fair on you but it is honest.

If you aren't being stimulated enough in your current job would this place consider shorter hours so you're at least home by. 6 at latest? Fewer days? Stay where you are and keep looking? Stay where you are and do something else on your free week days?

I worked similar hours in my last role but I do have a partner. However we used a nanny who would help them with homework, batch cook meals, clean their rooms and bedding and keep on top of their washing eg emptying tumble dryer if needed. I think you’d need someone similar to help you manage, as well as a cleaner to mean weekends were for fun and relaxation. If these jobs don’t come along frequently I’d go for it and see if you can negotiate a day at home or potentially four days a week?

How much is the pay rise?

I would say do it if you want to. I worked similar hours all my childrens lives and they are now teens and tweens and absolutely fine. I see so many women stuck at home or in dead end jobs who are miserable and its not good for their children either.

£ 18.5 k pa rise.
Thanks for the comments its interesting to see the different points of view.

However in response to those who say about sacrificing them because of bordem. Its not bordem its more about career progression and being handed a chance that I may not get again. I stayed out home for first 2 years of both dcs lives and so im not where I could have been career wise. As one person has said part time senior posts are v hard to come by.

However I do agree with the outsourcing parenting comment as that is what it feels like I'd be doing.

I guess due to me not having a crystal ball I just wondered what choices others have made and the outcome.

If you've been approached by this company it would be worthwhile seeing how flexible your Ts&Cs could be. An element of home working could be an option, along with non-standard hours. For example I work in a senior management role with fully flexible hours.

This prospective employer may be willing to negotiate if they are keen to have you on board. I think it's worth a conversation with them. Get the full facts then assess whether it can work for your family.

And OP please don't feel guilty about 'outsourcing' parenting. I think that's it's entirely fair you are thinking about your own career progression.

18.5k rise seems great - does it equate to more than 100 percent of your existing hours x whatever it is to get full time?

@sunshineandreign, if you want experiences, I took at 35K pay drop to go part time and look after my DS. I have found bone grindingly hard but I would not change it because my DS has issues which mean he needs extra support and would not thrive in wrap around childcare. All you can do is honestly reflect on your children and how they will respond, and be honest with yourself about what family life will be like.

You can outsource cleaning and cooking and even sleeping with your partner, but you definitely can’t outsource parenting. You working doesn’t make you less of a parent than someone who stays at home while their kids are at school / class / with grandparents.

@cherries101 I’m sorry but I respectfully disagree in terms of the child’s experience. You may feel just as accountable but your children will see someone else in the ‘parent’ role.

@misstomrs — do your kids see you as less of a parent when they start school and aren’t around you for 8 hours a day?

@cherries101 I am not at that stage yet, but when my DS is at nursery, two days a week, yes, I am not there, so he has to go to someone else in the ‘parent’ role. In that case, it’s his keyworker.

The difference with school is that it is not optional. The time around it is.

@misstomrs — it makes no difference per your logic though. By your own logic if your kids aren’t with you you’re not a parent. I personally think your attitude and way of looking at things demeans both stay at home and working mums. Parents don’t stop parenting when they’re away from their kids temporarily. End of discussion.