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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Dh wants attention all the time

39 replies

stressed1010101 · 17/10/2018 07:06

Sorry if this is tmi but posting for traffic.

Dh and I have vastly different sex drives. Dh wants it all the time. He could literally have it 5 times a day and still not be satisfied. I'm the other end of the spectrum.

For context, i have a busy and demanding job. Dh has a more physical job but works shifts (days abs nights) and has a lot more time off than me.

I am normally up at 545 every morning to pack bags, make lunches, depending on what shift dh is on i do nursery drop off for dd (2 years old) work all day, again depending on shift dh or myself will pick dd up. I get home around 6pm. We have dinner then its some time with dd, bath and bed. Its usually around 9 by this point and i then need to shower and finish the odd bits of housework that need doing (washing, loading dishwasher) and then i want to sleep, which is when dh starts moaning i don't give him any attention.

Dh is off for 2 weeks now (combibation of annual leave and shift work) and has now started messgaing me about sex during the day. Wants me to engage is conversations about what we'll do when I back (apparently talking about matching his socks up isn't a turn on!) He then gets upset when i tell him i am at work and don't have time to engage in his sext conversations. Or on the odd occassion i do, he takes it literally and gets upset when we don't have time to do anything.

I am honestly drained. I have tried telling him that a lot of people in our situation are the same, where as he seems to think that all of our friends are at it like rabbits!

OP posts:
WildIrishRose1 · 17/10/2018 07:10

The only text I'd send him is a list of chores for him to do. Might burn off his excess energy.

Alwa · 17/10/2018 07:11

That sounds very unattractive.

Have you asked him to stop pestering you?

Dermymc · 17/10/2018 07:12

Why is he not doing the chores?

gaslightgaz · 17/10/2018 07:14

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Rosehip10 · 17/10/2018 07:19

How often do you actually have sex?

gaslightgaz · 17/10/2018 07:21

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Candlelights2345 · 17/10/2018 07:22

Turn your phone off during the day and tell him you aren’t allowed to use it at work.
Urgh pestering about sex whilst you are at work.

stressed1010101 · 17/10/2018 07:23

He doesn't help with the chores as his weeks off are apparently to catch up on sleep and see his friends, though he will cook dinner of an evening as he likes to have a proper cooked dinner, and then we share the tidying up.

If he does do any housework then he will spend ages going over in minute detail what he has done and how bad i am at doing everything.

We probably have sex (or some other form of intimate contact) 2 - 3 times a week.

OP posts:
SeaViewBliss · 17/10/2018 07:26

I don’t usually comment on Relationship threads but really, he is an arse.

OP you are flat out busy, why is his free time more import than yours?

Next time he asks you for sex say, sorry, I don’t find lazy twats the least bit sexy.

gaslightgaz · 17/10/2018 07:28

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Thenewdoctor · 17/10/2018 07:28

He should be doing all drops offs pick ups and all chores these 2 weeks.

SoyDora · 17/10/2018 07:30

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Laureline · 17/10/2018 07:31

He is being massively unreasonable - if he wants more sex, he should make you feel more valued as a partner by actually doing his share around the house.

You run around doing almost everything and have no fown tme - and he gets to put his feet under the table and moan about how hard his life is? Sod that.

Laureline · 17/10/2018 07:32
  • down time Stupid phone.
OhWhatFuckeryIsThisNow · 17/10/2018 07:32

Fuck off gaz, reported your "Bantz".
Tell him how sexy you find a man who does his share of the jobs and how unsexy you find cockwombling.

Lollypop701 · 17/10/2018 07:33

@SeaViewBliss
This!!!! He wants you to have time for him but does nothing to give you time. Tell he needs to do some ‘choreplay’

Quartz2208 · 17/10/2018 07:33

Other couples aren’t the same they split chores and don’t pester

serbska · 17/10/2018 07:34

He has more time off than you, he doesn’t do any/many household tasks and he pesters you for sex? Winner.

Tadda · 17/10/2018 07:35

Stressed....I'm a bit concerned...he's starting to sound very controlling (I'm trying not to go down the mentally abusive route here.....) But 'Him cooking because he like's a proper cooked meal'...and pulling you up on your cleaning telling you how 'bad' you are....???

And moaning at you if you don't 'service his needs'....???

How does this all make you feel??

Sarahjconnor · 17/10/2018 07:36

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Message withdrawn at poster's request.

BlueUggs · 17/10/2018 07:38

Your husband is a cheeky fucker!!
When he's off, he needs to be doing some of the work around the house!
My exh was like this. If run around all day doing stuff in the house and he'd do nothing and would then wonder why I wasn't interested in sex?! If he did do anything, I'd have to act like it was the biggest deal in the world? HUGE turn off!
I'd sit him down and have a serious word. 2-3 times a week is loads!
My best friend is another one who is convinced everyone else is shagging every waking moment of every day. Her poor mid 50's, low testosterone levelled husband was ripping his hair out with her insistence they should be shagging every day!

Fadingmemory · 17/10/2018 07:39

Tell him the best aphrodisiac is true cooperation & sharing household tasks, child care etc.

gaslightgaz · 17/10/2018 07:39

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PotteryGirl · 17/10/2018 07:43

...’are you servicing his needs’...WTAF...🤮.

Thingsdogetbetter · 17/10/2018 07:45

Gaz is obviously drunk. And single. And we all know why!