Dh wants attention all the time

[stressed1010101]

Sorry if this is tmi but posting for traffic.

Dh and I have vastly different sex drives. Dh wants it all the time. He could literally have it 5 times a day and still not be satisfied. I'm the other end of the spectrum.

For context, i have a busy and demanding job. Dh has a more physical job but works shifts (days abs nights) and has a lot more time off than me.

I am normally up at 545 every morning to pack bags, make lunches, depending on what shift dh is on i do nursery drop off for dd (2 years old) work all day, again depending on shift dh or myself will pick dd up. I get home around 6pm. We have dinner then its some time with dd, bath and bed. Its usually around 9 by this point and i then need to shower and finish the odd bits of housework that need doing (washing, loading dishwasher) and then i want to sleep, which is when dh starts moaning i don't give him any attention.

Dh is off for 2 weeks now (combibation of annual leave and shift work) and has now started messgaing me about sex during the day. Wants me to engage is conversations about what we'll do when I back (apparently talking about matching his socks up isn't a turn on!) He then gets upset when i tell him i am at work and don't have time to engage in his sext conversations. Or on the odd occassion i do, he takes it literally and gets upset when we don't have time to do anything.

I am honestly drained. I have tried telling him that a lot of people in our situation are the same, where as he seems to think that all of our friends are at it like rabbits!

Respond to his texts asking him how he thinks he can help to get you in the mood. List your daily and weekly tasks, time when you are finished. pPerhaps if you had half as much down time as him to rest, relax and see your friends you’d have far more time to get in the mood.

Read the update you are married to a controlling abusive arse

Blimey how unnattractive. Send him a list of housework to get you in the mood.

Ignore gaslightgaz OP, he is clearly ‘entitled’ and sees himself as an engine requiring regular servicing.

As you are a human being, with normal emotions, desires and pressures at home, his ‘advice’ is not relevant. Quite frankly if two to three times a week is ‘not meeting his needs’, to the point that he cheats on you like crybaby Gazza did to his ‘missus’, then he doesn’t deserve you anyway!

You are working full time, looking after a still tiny toddler, doing all of the housework so that he can ‘rest’, whilst putting up with a partner who is behaving like a lusty teenager. Is he really that stupid that he cannot see that you are exhausted and that his behaviour is beyond repulsive?

Coercing you into sex that you do not want is sexually abusive! If you are having sex because he is pressuring you, to appease him and he knows this, then he is definitely sexually abusive! I would be having a very strong word with him about his behaviour! You are not a sex robot! Nor are you a receptacle for him to use for his desires!

Is he abusive in other ways OP? Have you read Lundy Bancroft, the Abuser profiles?

www.facebook.com/notes/rebecca-nan-cummings/abuser-profiles-from-why-does-he-do-that-by-lundy-bancroft/480862655302912/

Hopefully I am wrong and he is ‘just’ an arsehole! Even so, you need to have a proper conversation about the pressure he is putting you under and the fact that he is a lazy entitled sod!

What on earth do you see in him?

He continually pesters you for sex.
He spends his weeks off work doing things only for himself.
He cooks only because he likes a proper cooked dinner.
Any housework he does he expects a fucking medal for.

Stop seeing it as ‘helping’ with chores. Is he an adult living in a house? Well then stuff needs doing, by both of you.

Sounds like a right catch.

Tell him if he doesn't think the housework is done well enough it's time he stepped up himself. And schedule some time in to see your friends too.

You deserve a partner who at least shares equally in the mental load and the actual work required to keep the home functioning, unless there is a very good reason otherwise.

You deserve a partner who takes full shared responsibility for the care of your child, unless there is a very good reason otherwise.

You also deserve a partner who treats you with respect and empathy, and doesn't needlessly criticise your work to look after your shared home, especially when he is doing less than his fair share.

Most importantly, you deserve a partner who respects that your mind and body are YOUR mind and body and not there primarily for his gratification.

Accepting anything less is doing yourself a massive injustice. He will not give you the above unless you absolutely unequivocally insist on it. When you do that, he might step up and evolve, or he might not.

I'm in despair at what some women put up with from men. In 2018.
He needs to step up, be an adult and do HIS SHARE of running your joint home - and immediately stop being a sex pest. You are not a blow up doll. He doesn't respect you as an equal in this relationship OP.

"choreplay"

Brilliant.

Unfortunately all the choreplay in the world wouldn't make me want to sleep with him. He sounds awful.

Sorry I'm in agreement with everyone else. This unequal share of household responsibilities coupled with constant pestering for sex would be a deal breaker for me. And then when he does do bits he picks holes in your standards? Hmmm no, he should grow up and realise how exhausted you are.
It still galls me to think that men like this are still around, like women are just there for men's pleasure and housework.

Don’t tell him that you’ll have sex with him if he does more housework. Tell him to stop thinking of sex and housework both as functions it’s your job to provide. He probably won’t listen, you can’t really talk someone into seeing you as a human rather than a multifunctional domestic appliance, but at least you’ll know you tried.

Have you told him that you are too worn out by chores and if he did his fair share then you would be more relaxed and more inclined to have sex? I'm sure most people would be up for it if all their time outside work was for relaxing! Lots of studies show that women want more sex when men do more around the house, you could always show him these.

I'd hazard a guess though that 2 or 3 times a week is actually already much more than average when you've got young kids

I think this is about more than sex - it's about unfair division of tasks and his lack of respect for you and not listening when you say no

I totally agree with RyderWhiteSwan it's bloody depressing. He's a lazy sex pest who would be getting zero from me. That combination is a total turn-off.

I wouldn’t want sex with a lazy, selfish sex pest either 🤷🏻‍♀️