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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Party invites

56 replies

hello1233 · 17/10/2018 00:08

NC for this as I know people on here.

I've sent out invites to my DSs bday party. He will be 7. Not one reply from any of them. Sent them out 3 days ago in book bags at school.

I'm worried that nobody will turn up and he'll be heartbroken. I wish I'd never organised the party in the first place.

I don't know any of their mums to just walk up and ask them. And that might be weird anyway? I always respond to invites in my DCs bags whether we can make it or not. AIBU to have expected people to reply? I don't know what to do. Can't take him to his party where none of his friends turn up

OP posts:
purpleme12 · 17/10/2018 00:12

I think if you only sent them 3 days ago you're worrying a bit too soon to be honest. You need to give them a chance. Did you put a date on to reply by?

RedTriangle · 17/10/2018 00:12

Do you have a list of the phone numbers for the other parents in the class? In our school all party invites are sent out on a group whatsapp - could you set up a group and send an invite that way too? Maybe people will respond if it pops up on their phone.

Original poster
hello1233 · 17/10/2018 00:14

No, I just put the number to rsvp to. I've never seen an rsvp by date on a kids party invite, but yes, I wish I had done!

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 17/10/2018 00:14

Don't panic. When is the party? Are the kids on half term? Did you include your mobile number for RSVPs? Have you checked that they were put in the book bags by an adult?

Original poster
hello1233 · 17/10/2018 00:18

I put my mobile number on, but no date to respond by. I don't have their numbers. The party isn't for 4 weeks yet but I've to confirm numbers with the party venue before that. Half term starts tomorrow for us

OP posts:
Ohyesiam · 17/10/2018 00:19

It’s way too early for a reply, but half of them won’t reply. It’s really rude but it’s what people do now.

Justmuddlingalong · 17/10/2018 00:23

4 weeks is bags of time for them to get back to you.

purpleme12 · 17/10/2018 00:24

Ok I think in that case if you haven't had replies by the time school starts back you need to go up to the parents to check if they're coming. It's not weird. Get you boy to point them out

Original poster
hello1233 · 17/10/2018 00:27

I think I'll have to get him to point them out, thanks. I reply as soon as I fish the invite out of his bag when he gets one! It's not much effort

OP posts:
Original poster
hello1233 · 17/10/2018 00:29

@Justmuddlingalong it's 4 weeks til the party, less until I have to confirm numbers and pay per child.

Would you wait to rsvp? Or do it straight away? I suppose that's what I'm asking

OP posts:
Justmuddlingalong · 17/10/2018 00:31

I wouldn't reply straight away, no.

snizzer · 17/10/2018 00:32

Don't panic.

The party is 4 weeks away.

People can take a week - for example as a working parent I only did my admin on a Sunday and that is when I would reply even if I got the invite the previous Monday.

That was when I did school letters, uniforms, cards, presents and so on so do not worry.

You could ask the teacher if you are worried and she / he could check with the parents.

I am sure people will go if you have given lots of notice too.

snizzer · 17/10/2018 00:33

And if you have sent it out right before half term then you may find some return after half term now...

Sagelistener · 17/10/2018 00:43

I understand, had the same with my child. I hadn't gotten one reply (15 invites) 6 days left before the party. I double checked with teacher to be sure they made it out and she assured me they had. 3 days before the party I still had heard nothing! It was the last day my child was at school before the party so I stood out front and asked everyone I saw going in to collect if they were in his group. (I'd invited his whole group - but don't know them all or their parents etc) Anyhow, found a few in his group who said they just got it Hmm and ended up inviting others who I chatted with in his year but not group who said they'd show up! Crazy what you will do for your child! I got several RSVPs the following day from people I hadn't caught up with. So for us, I think they went out REALLY late, but over half never replied.

You'll probably get RSVPs slowly coming in for the next 3 weeks. I try to respond quickly, but sometimes take a while if trying to sort out childcare for my others etc. It is stressful to be sure - but with 4 weeks to go you should be fine.

Oh and he ended up having a great party with 12 or so kids and was happy - so it all worked out Smile

Weathermonger · 17/10/2018 00:54

Sad how rude so many parents are. I'm in same position myself. Daughters party is on Friday evening; dinner, trip to a local (not cheap) attraction followed by a sleepover. She invited 3 girls, only 1 parent has RSVP'd. The other two kids have told my daughter they can come but no confirmation from parents. It really makes me not want to bother.

slapbitchface · 17/10/2018 00:58

YABU to expect a reply ... but they just don't. I find party invites a nightmare. Forever chasing people up and then sometimes they will text with only a few days left to go and sometimes they show up when they haven't bothered replying. I always reply straight away myself as I know what a pain in the arse it is

Atchiclees · 17/10/2018 01:48

Party RSVPs wind me up. When did it become acceptable to not reply at all? Party invites arriving in book bags get a reply from me the same day. We have found my kids get a lot of invitations when there is only a few in the class invited because other parents know I will reply and if I say we are going, other than illness, we will be there. It is a shame for the party child to not know if their friends are coming or not once a week has passed.

EK36 · 17/10/2018 04:07

It's too early for replies. I would wait another week before asking.

HollyBollyBooBoo · 17/10/2018 04:16

It's been 3 days! My DD wouldn't have even remembered to get the invite out of her bag yet...chill!

HopeGarden · 17/10/2018 06:40

I wouldn’t panic just yet. People tend to take a while to RSVP.

I’d double check invites went into bookbags first, before half term.

Then start chasing RSVPs after half term.

If there’s a class Facebook group, WhatsApp etc then those are useful for party reminders.

I think our last party - whole class party - we had paper invites, and then I put 2 reminders on the class Facebook group.
One not too long after the invite went out along the lines of “mini Garden’s party is at time / date / place, all children in his class are invited and should have received an invite in their book-bags”.
And another reminder a couple of days before the party.

Still had to catch parents and ask if their DC was coming.

And then we still had one child turn up who hadn’t RSVPed at all.

Sparklesandglitter · 17/10/2018 06:52

What I've previously done is sent out a reminder note a few days before the party and when some people have relied I've messaged back and asked if they have numbers for x,y and z then messaged the parents directly. Make sure you save numbers as 2nd time round it was much easier to chase and check!!

Booboostwo · 17/10/2018 06:57

It’s a nightmare, but no one will reply this quickly. Much closer to the party you may have one third who reply, then you’ll need to catch everyone else individually and remind them, another one third will reply at this stage and about one third won’t say anything and you’ll never know if they will come. On the day everything will get muddled again with people cancelling last minute, coming even though they never replied and the odd uninvited sibling being thrown in for good fun.

HellenaHandbasket · 17/10/2018 06:59

We've had a couple of corkers, where I saw the mum the day before having had no response and asked in conversation if she was coming, to a resounding yes. Of course they didn't turn up 🙄 and never mentioned it.

This happened a couple of times with different people.

WanderingTrolley1 · 17/10/2018 07:02

I’d give it a couple of weeks before starting to panic!

CherryPavlova · 17/10/2018 07:03

I’d use this as an excuse to speak to other parents at school “Hi I’m Fred’s mother. I’m in a bit of a panic that he gave out party invitations and they didn’t actually reach the other children’s parents. Did Bob have one in his book bag?” No accusations, plenty of time to respond but you’ve broken the ice and know parents have seen them.

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