To ask for your stories where controlled crying DIDN’T work?

[BookWormsRule]

DS (18 months) has never been a great sleeper. We’ve had at best maybe 2/3 nights a week of ‘sleeping through’ to about 5am out of a 7 day week, but also many weeks where every night is unsettled.

We have 2 issues - getting him to settle down to sleep at the beginning of the night can take about 45 mins (or longer). Then he often wakes up at about 1am and might stay awake for an hour or two

We have done some sleep training, with a really lovely consultant who got us into a much more sustainable routine (no more feeding to sleep etc) but even she admits DS is a tough nut to crack and we’ve had to repeat the training a number of times already.

The one thing we haven’t done is controlled crying. I definitely am not trying to start a debate on the rights/ wrongs of it but it is something I’ve wanted to avoid where possible.

We are considering it and have some friends whom it worked very well for. However their kids have always been more chilled than DS. I’m loathe to do it if it doesn’t work and certainly don’t want to have to repeat it everytime he’s sick or teething.

I have a lot of positive stories about controlled crying so now looking for stories where it didn’t work so I feel like I have all the facts.

So AIBU to ask if controlled crying DIDN’T work for you to share your story?

Thanks so much!

I tried it once on my oldest, didn't work, that kid could cry for hours if I'd left him, he could make himself stay awake too. Gentle parenting worked so much better with him, we had to have routine and keep it all upbeat and happy, so he was happy and he'd go off to bed fine.
My friend treid it too, she said it worked the first night, then he used to vomit every time she tried. She wished she never tried it, he would vomit every time he got upset or started crying. He didn't stop doing it till he was about 6.
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But this means you had two whole years of broken sleep and sleepless nights. This is pretty rubbish TBH and wouldn't make me 'envious'!

I did. And although it was hard, I was happy to do it because I wanted my kids to develop the ability to sleep through naturally. Most of my mum friends were not particularly envious of me at the time.

But given that some of those mums have now gone through 3+ years of toddlers/preschoolers and school age children (who are substantially larger, more argumentative and more determined than a baby) fighting bedtime for hours, getting out of bed repeatedly and coming into their beds every night, while my two drop off to sleep by themselves and stay in their beds all night, more than one of them has wondered if I "front-loaded" the bad sleep and whether that might have been preferable to what they've ended up with.

I'm no expert, I'm sure that some kids get sleep-trained and continue to sleep well from then on and don't become bedtime resistant, but I've certainly seen the other side of the coin.

DS1 was absolutely fine until the night terrors kicked in a few years later. He just liked company while he fell asleep. Once he was off that was it! find what works for you and yours - don't get brainwashed into thinking one solution works for everyone ...

We never did sleep training of any sort but my son was similar to yours at 18 months and I thought I'd lose my mind, but now at 2 he sleeps through 99% of the time. No intervention, it just happened by itself. I have friend who did cc and CIO and a lot of them "swore by it" right after they'd done it, but in reality they had to repeat it more than once. They'd sleep train and it'd work for a month or so and then the baby would hit a sleep regression and they had to sleep train again. Some of them had to do it 3 or 4 times at various intervals before it stuck. I think there's supposed to be an 18 month sleep regression so if you do decide to do cc maybe wait another month until he's out of that phase before you do it.

Doesn't work for my baby at all. To be honest, i'm just as much of a problem as my baby as I find it really distressing to see him so upset and he get so distraught that he could puke or nearly pass out from crying so hard and not taking a breath. I co-sleep with him and (for risk of sounding very cringey) it's a beautiful experience and it suits us both so well. Co-sleeping, we both get a full pretty much uninterrupted nights sleep. If he wakes up and realises I am beside him he goes right back to sleep happily. I have no intention of moving him into his own room anytime soon but personally I'm of the belief that it's damaging to a child to force them to sleep alone as a baby (however I know this is a cultural thing in the UK and don't judge people who do).

But given that some of those mums have now gone through 3+ years of toddlers/preschoolers and school age children (who are substantially larger, more argumentative and more determined than a baby) fighting bedtime for hours, getting out of bed repeatedly and coming into their beds every night, while my two drop off to sleep by themselves and stay in their beds all night, more than one of them has wondered if I "front-loaded" the bad sleep and whether that might have been preferable to what they've ended up with.

This is my experience. I never left DS to cry at night (or bedtime) and at one miserable point me or DH would have to spend an hour sitting in his room while he went off to sleep. I do feel i am now reaping the rewards though as at 3 DS is completely happy and relaxed at bedtime. He thinks of his bed as a cosy nice place not somewhere he was upset and he is brilliant at bedtime now. It's literally just a story, night night and that's it. He goes to sleep by himself and stays in bed until his gro-clock comes on.

I honestly would never have believed this was possible if you'd asked me when he was just turned 2.

I had a high needs baby and didn't dare try it. He cried at being put down, so being left all evening on his own in a dark room was not an option. I did try for one nap once and it was horrendous. Just so at odds with maternal instinct.

At seven months, severeIy sleep deprived, I started bringing him into our bed (another super king here) and at 13 months I gave up trying to get him to sleep in his own cot, put up a bed rail and let him sleep all night in our bed. What finally decided it for me was when I put aside cultural expectations (sleep in own crib in own room, sleep all night), my own expectations (full nights sleep, bed to ourselves, cute little baba sleeping in a cot like in all the movies/adverts etc), and fear of being judged by other parents (since found out that most people I know do co-sleep, they just keep quiet about it) , I realised that babies haven't evolved to sleep alone (certain death on the savannah) or all night (small tummies, developing brains etc) so trying to get him to sleep alone all night was fighting nature. Besides DH and I soon realised snuggling him all night was wonderful.

I suppose the question is, do you want him to sleep or do you want him to sleep in his own cot? . If it is the first, I recommend trying co-sleeping.

I think 18 months is too old for CC.

CC did work for our kids (at just under 12 months). However, we had a much better reaction than many of the posters above.

Also none of them liked co-sleeping... CC is an easier choice when they are screaming even when they’re in bed with you!